In this article you will learn:
- A simple step-by-step guide to win back his heart and get him to fall in love with you again.
- The best way to regain the spark in your unhappy relationship when all hope seems lost.
- How to know where your man stands in the relationship (if he’s willing to fight for it or if he’s given up)
- How to get your boyfriend to WANT to fight for you and your relationship.
- When the relationship is beyond saving and you’re wasting your time trying to save it.
If your man seems to have fallen ‘out of love’ with you, it doesn’t mean it’s over…
But love doesn’t always turn out the way you want it to.
All couples go through tough times. We like to believe that love is something that “just” happens. That we can just falls crazily in love with each other and we live happily ever after, without having to do anything to make it work.
That’s Disney-movie, love.
In the real word, we struggle. Love isn’t always easy. Often it’s fragile and it can feel like the smallest thing can ruin everything. etc.
My point is this…
If you are currently in a phase in your relationship where it feels like you have fallen out of love with each other, then I have some good news for you.
There are some actual things you can do to fix your unhappy relationship and make him fall in love with you again.
And it’s not advanced algebra. But actionable steps any person can do.
So without further ado…
Here’s my simple step-by-step guide to make him fall in love with you again:
Step 1: Find out where your relationship is at
You can only improve something when you know what the problem is.
You can only arrive at a destination when you know where you’re going.
The same is true for regaining the spark in your unhappy relationship.
Since you landed on this article about how to make him fall in love with you again, I take it that you’re not ready to give up just yet.
You want to fight for your relationship and try to make it work. That’s awesome.
And since you can’t control him and his actions, let’s focus on what YOU can do about it.
The first thing I’d like to remind you of that’s great about your situation, that you might have forgotten…
He loved you once
Then something happened that might have changed his mind or to lose interest..
You need to figure out what that is.
- It’s just life and the relationship is going through a rough patch.
- He’s dealing with something personally that he’s not telling you about.
- There is something that’s annoying him or driving him crazy in the relationship But he’s not saying anything about it because he wants to protect your feelings.
- He just needs space.
Men often do this unfortunately. They pull away instead of opening up and sharing what the problem is. Because they want to do the ‘manly’ thing and solve it on their own. And just leave it up to their partner to guess what’s wrong. Which is impossible of course.
Women in general are much better at expressing how they feel. A man might love his partner enormously but be dealing with a lot of personal things or have issues with the relationship that she’s not even aware about.
A few years ago one of my closest friends pulled away from his girlfriend and stopped showing her affection when he was dealing with depression, alcoholism, loneliness and struggling financially all at the same time for two years.
You’d think that a person in that situation would open up about this to his girlfriend that he loved and live together with… But many men don’t. They either don’t know how to do it or see it as a ‘weakness’ and something they have to fight alone. Because that’s the so called ‘manly’ thing to do…
You can never 100% know what goes on inside the mind of a man, but in this article you can learn 11 universal rules to understand men that every woman should know.
If you can figure out what’s wrong, then can you can fix it
And don’t waste your energy guessing why your boyfriend is thinking by asking your girlfriends because they have no clue either. All you’ll do together is guess and move around in circles going nowhere.
Since most men are absolutely terrible at opening up. You need to sort of drag it out of him to see where his head is at.
Here are the most likely scenarios:
1. He still loves you but he’s going through a lot of personal things at the moment like dealing with:
- The death or loss of a loved one
- Financial problems
- A midlife crisis.
The best thing you can do is to show him that you are there for him.
Here is a text you can send him to try to try and figure out what’s going on inside his head:
“I just wanted to let you know that I’m here for you if you something is troubling you”
He might not respond very positively to this or even say that “everything is fine”, when it clearly isn’t. As I mentioned before with my friend and his girlfriend.
But the first thing you want to try to figure out is if something has happened to him that he’s not telling you.
You can’t push this. He needs to come to you.
And showing that you’re there for him without pressure or judgement is all you can do.
He might still not open up to you.
If he’s saying that he’s fine, then wait a few days and then send him this text:
“I feel like we’re drifting apart and it makes me feel like terrible. I love you and I’m willing to do anything to make this relationship work. I hope you feel the same way. I know I’m not perfect but if there is anything that’s bothering you about the relationship, me or whatever, please tell me so we can fix try to get back to the way things were. Don’t worry about hurting my feelings. I’m a big girl;)”
His response to this text is going to reveal exactly where he stands in the relationship.
A) He response positively. He feels the same way and is excited about going through this rough patch together and coming out on the other side stronger than ever. That’s a great response.
B) He responds with zero enthusiasm, perhaps with vagueness and with words like “I don’t know…”. Well that’s not a good sign at all.
Because then it means that he might:
- Deal with something personal after all that he doesn’t want you to know (and want to solve on his own).
- Be uncertain about the relationship.
- Be cheating on you.
- Be in love with another woman.
- Have given up and wants to break up.
If he is uncertain about the relationship you can still save it, and I’ll teach you how in the steps below.
If it turns out that he is cheating on you, then here some relevant articles about cheating that might be of help to you:
- 12 tips to forgive him and heal the relationship after cheating.
- 7 Things to do NOW when he has cheated on you.
- The 11 most common reasons why men cheat.
- Test here if your relationship can be successful again after infidelity.
What to do if he has given up on the relationship and wants to break up
Well then there’s not much you can do about it. Some men lie and drag this out for months or even years when it would have been better for both to get it over with quickly so they could move on faster and find find happiness some place else.
If he’s one of those cowardly guys, then you can help him on the way and set your both free faster by telling him:
“If you are not happy in our relationship and want to break up, please just me a man and tell me so we can both move on with our lives.”
If you end up breaking up… Well then he wasn’t right for you anyways and you deserve better. A man who loves you for who you are. But here are some relevant articles that you might want to check out:
- How to get over a guy and move on with your life.
- How to make him miss you like crazy after a break up.
- How to get your ex back
Okay so now we’ve been over the worst case scenarios
Now let’s focus on what you can do to save the relationship and to get him to fall in love with you again.
Your relationship is heading down a bad path and you need to change things up from what you’re currently doing. Make different decisions that will lead you to to a positive destination.
Healthy diet and exercise is the easiest to start with. Which leads me to the next step.
Step 2: Exercise
As human beings, we have many flaws that don’t suit us very well.
One of those is that we often take things for granted after a while. We get used to living in a new house, earning a higher salary after a promotion, or the routine of our relationship.
Here are some things you probably haven’t been grateful for that you have:
- Millions of people don’t have access to clean water.
- Millions of people don’t have a roof over their heads.
- Millions of people would do anything to have the life you have.
Where am I going with this?
Well many people often work hard on themselves when they’re single. They put in a tremendous amount of hard work to train hard, lose weight, and get in great shape.
But once they’re in a relationship, they slowly let themselves go and sooner or later lose all of that great result that they had.
If that has been the case for you then I recommend that you get back on the horse.
Come back to the gym, the yoga studio or whatever you prefer. Weekly exercise is important for anyone’s happiness and wellbeing. Especially when your relationship is not doing great.
It could also light a fire under his butt and realise that he’s slacking off.
Step 3: Dress attractively
I know it’s comfortable to wear hoodies and sweatpants on the couch. Especially if you have done it for a very long time.
But it’s not very attractive, and it also doesn’t require any effort.
Now you want to do the same things that made him fall for you once. So dress like you did when you just started dating. Remind him of how absolutely gorgeous you can look when you want to.
Wear heels when you can. A short skirt when the weather is nice.
And forget the “he should just accept me as I am” excuse. Because it will very quickly turn into “She doesn’t make any effort so she doesn’t care about me or the relationship”
And just to clarify… He should make just as much effort for you as well.
Step 4: Spend more time with your girlfriends
Another thing many women change for the worse once they get into a relationship with a guy they really like is that they stop seeing their friends and only hang out with their man.
But this obsessive behaviour will only make him feel trapped and like you’re dependent on him for your happiness, which you are. It might work for a while, but at some point he is going to feel like he needs space.
You’ll also feel much better if you spend time alone or with your friends. It’s important.
Men are repelled by women who have no life of their own
An attractive high-value woman has a life of her own, passions of her own, and friends of her own and is completely independent of any man.
But she’d like someone to share her life with. That can add value to her life.
Become that woman.
Step 5: Develop yourself
I mentioned this in the tip above. A great guy wants a woman with things going in her life.
We’re now in the process of making decisions and taking steps to take to get out of your rut and back to making your man fall in love with you again.
Having other things you care about outside of your work and relationship is crucial.
Here are some things you can start doing right now:
- Start a new hobby that scares you a little bit (Thai boxing, bouldering, wakeboarding)
- Read a personal development book
- Do volunteer work
- Visit a dog shelter
- Enroll in a course
One thing I already want to give you credit for is reading this article and landing on this website. Because that means you’re already working on yourself and want to become better at understanding men. That’s awesome.
What else can you do to become the best version of yourself?
There are probably 100 things you can think of.
Pick something that you’re interested in and that challenges you. By doing something hard you’ll also feel a sense of pride and accomplishment after doing it. So it’s a win-win.
Another idea would be to do it together with your man… which leads me to the next point.
Step 6: Do fun and exciting activities together outside of the house
Science has found something funny that can make someone fall in love with you.
What that is?
Doing dopamine-boosting activities that scare you.
It’s because you strengthen the bond between you.
Here are some things you can try together:
- Exercise or try martial arts
- An extreme sport
- A survival course
- Escape room
- Skydiving/bungee jumping/paintballing together
- Here you can find 57 cool things and activities to do together with your boyfriend
These activities will snap both of you out of your current ‘relationship rut’ and make you feel alive again. Together.
The last thing I want to recommend (even if it isn’t really an activity per se) is that you take this questionnaire with your man. Arthur Aron actually made two people fall in love using this.
Step 7: Have more sex
You probably saw this one coming.
It’s simple too. Have more sex.
Sex is just amazing for anyones well-being:
Here are some of the benefits sex does to your body:
- Dopamine increases (reward hormone)
- Oxytocin increases (the feel good hormone).
- Cortisol decreases (stress hormone).
- It strengthens your immune system.
- Among many other things.
So make sure you have sex regularly. And if your sex life has become boring and mundane you need to mix things up. Here you can read 17 things men like in bed but won’t tell you.
Step 8: Don’t make it too easy for him
So I have already explained that one thing that many women do once they get into a relationship, is that they stop living their own lives and basically start doing everything to please their man.
Being available to him 24/7 and dropping everything you do for your man may sound like the best thing to do, but it’s not what a high-value woman does.
It’s fine to do that sometimes. But not all the time.
It makes him take you for granted and appreciate you less. Because he knows that he can basically do whatever he wants and you’ll always be there for him whenever he needs you.
So what do you do?
You put him lower on your priority list.
- Don’t answer his texts right away. (In fact. ignore him for a bit). Here you can read 17 secrets to get a guy hooked.
- See your friends instead of him.
- Decide on date night when it works for you.
Make him feel like something in the relationship has changed. He now needs to work for it. But that’s a good thing… The things you have to work for, you’ll appreciate more.
Step 9: Flirt with other men
Jealousy is one of the most powerful things you do to make a man realise how amazing you are. It sets in the fear of loss.
With that said…
You don’t want to make it too obvious or disrespect him by openly flirting with another man in front of him.
So here’s what you do:
- Take a photo sitting next to an attractive guy friend of yours.
- Like or comment on a photo of a hot guy on social media that your boyfriend is going to see.
- Share an Instagram story where you’re laughing and being silly with a guy in a bar or restaurant.
I’m talking about subtle things. Don’t take this too far.
You need to make him realise how lucky he is to have you. And that other cool and attractive guys WILL scoop you up the moment you’re single.
Step 10: Be as positive and uplifting as you can
You know how it is to be around negative people.
They just suck the air out of the room and make it unbearable to be around them. You just want to get away from them at all costs.
The opposite of this is to have a positive mindset and to always try to look at things from the bright side.
This makes people want to be around them. You probably have some friends who are like that.
The moment you meet them you just feel amazing, for no real reason other than their positive energy.
Well every person can choose to be happier and more positive.
I mentioned this briefly in the beginning about the importance of being grateful of what you have.
Another way to almost instantly make yourself feel happy is to help someone else that has it worse than you. Forget about your own problems and just do something kind for another person.
Step 11: Take it slow
There is absolutely no need to rush this.
All you’re now in the process of doing is to start to enjoying each others company again, like you did when you just started dating.
So take it slow.
- Don’t spend too much time together
- Focus on yourself
- Have fun outside of the house
- And all the other things I already mentioned
This tip may go against what your heart tell you. Because you him and you want to spend as much time with him as possible.
Well you tried that and it lead you here. So now just trust me and give it the time it takes to light up the fire of your relationship again.
Step 12: Date other men
Okay so this step is only to be used as a last resort.
Because if you’ve changed into a positive uplifting person, worked on yourself and started doing passions outside of the relationship, and successfully made him a bit jealous and shown him that he can lose you… And he doesn’t go for it.
- Well that could be because he thinks you’re bluffing.
- Or because he just doesn’t care.
With this last step you show him that you’re serious and you will leave him for another man if he doesn’t do something about it NOW.
But the thing is…
You can’t force him to fall in love with you again.
So in a way you’re letting go of him, while you’re simultaneously doing the last thing you can to get him back.
You can hope that he will go for it, otherwise it’s time to move on.
Now you know how to make him fall in love with you again
It’s about doing the things that made him fall for you in the first place.
Become independent, happy on your own and then hope he realizes how great you were together.
I wish you the best of luck with it.