How To Get Him Back: Simple Step-by-Step Guide

How To Get Him Back: The Simple Step-by-Step Guide To Get Your Ex Back

How To Get Your Ex Back

In this article you’ll learn:

  • My simple step-by-step plan that has helped hundreds of women get their ex back.
  • How to get him to once again remember how amazing you are, and realize how much he misses you.
  • Why having no contact with your ex will work better than overwhelming him with texts.
  • The simple way to make him jealous and get him to want you back after the breakup.
  • Which things to NEVER do when you want to get your boyfriend or husband back (these might mess everything up).
Woman successfully got her ex back after following my advice
One of my female clients posted this in our private Facebook group.

Imagine he dumped you the day before Valentine’s Day

It’s what happened to one of my clients, Eve.

(No, that’s not her real name. Although it’s a lovely name.)

For over three years, Eve had a thriving relationship with a great guy. Unfortunately, a month ago, he decided that he didn’t like her anymore.

The result? He dumped her the day before Valentine’s Day.

Her heart broke into a thousand pieces. She didn’t know if she could ever make it whole again.

It came out of the blue. And it didn’t make any sense to her. How could her ex-boyfriend do this to her?

She loved him very much and would do anything to get him back.

If only you could make someone fall in love with you…

Here’s where I came in. She asked me:

“How do I win him back, Tim?”

Well, Eve, it’s true that I’m a dating coach. I help both men and women to have an excellent relationship. I’ve been doing that for quite some years, and I’ve seen it all.

I got some news for you, both good and bad…

Do you know the genie from Aladdin? Do you remember that Aladdin was allowed to make three wishes, but there was one thing the genie couldn’t do? That was to make the princess fall in love with him. (And also resurrect people from the dead, but that’s quite irrelevant)

How To Get Your Ex Back

I’m like that genie. I can almost do anything, but I can’t make him fall in love with you. That’s the bad news.

But don’t worry, because the good news is:

YOU have the power to make him fall in love with you again

A woman has the power to make him fall in love with her again.You’ve made him fall in love with you before, Eve. That means you can do it again.

I firmly believe that if you do the right things, you have a real shot at getting back together with him.

Will it work 100% of the time, no matter what? No. If a woman for example has cheated on a guy with five different men in one night, then the odds are not in her favor.

In every situation where the partners in a relationship want two different things, and one of them decides to give up, there’s still hope.

That doesn’t mean it can be done without effort.

But if you want something easy, then pick up your phone and play Candy Crush. It’s easy and entertaining. But it won’t get your ex back.

No, if you want something in life, you have to work for it.

But that’s what I’m here to help you with.

I’ll provide you with all the tools you need + a proven roadmap used by hundreds of women to get their ex-boyfriends or husbands back.

A woman is crying because of a past traumatic experienceBecause I totally understand what an awful situation you’re in.

Having someone you love turn their back on you is one of the most traumatic experiences that can happen to you.

But here’s something that might make you feel a bit better

Scientific research has shown that although women experience more emotional pain from a breakup than men, they recover better and more fully from it.

I know it might be hard to think about that at the moment. But regardless of what happens, you’re going to be okay. And that’s important to understand.

Eventually, women come out stronger on the other side. Men on the other hand never fully recover – they just move on with their lives.

But when he leaves you it’s very painful. You feel powerless, and you don’t really know what to do. And because you’re desperate, you may try ANYTHING to get him back. One extreme thing after the other.

Before you do anything that might mess up your one chance of getting back together with him…

And you do something you’ll regret such as:

  • Suffocate him with texts or calls.
  • Show up to his place unannounced.
  • Write his name on the biggest billboard in town.
  • Spam him on social media.
  • Reach out to his parents or friends.

There is something you need to know…

There are things you can do to increase your chances of getting back together with him, and there are things that will decrease your chances.

Spoiler alert: Writing his name on a billboard usually won’t help.

How do I know this?

Thanks to 12 years of experience as a dating coach.

I’ve learned exactly what makes men tick, and what makes them happy and unhappy.

So I can save you a lot of trial and error by sharing advice from my experience on what actually works.

Because if he really is the one, I want you two to be together.

How we’re going to achieve that can simply be formulated into one sentence.

We’re going to get your ex to miss you and once again realize how amazing you are so that HE wants to get back together with you

That’s how you’re going to get him back. Nothing more. Nothing less.

And below I’ll share my exact step-by-step process to achieve this.

So pay attention.

Some of these are small steps you have to take, and some are things you want to avoid at all costs. If you deviate from this plan YOU WILL eliminate the small chance you have of getting back together with him.

Here are the 15 steps to get him back:

Step #1: Ask yourself, does he genuinely make you happy?

A woman asks herself if her ex genuinely makes her happy and she should get him back.A tough breakup is one of the most horrible things you can experience.

I’ve broken my leg and had multiple injuries happen to me. But when I think about the pain of a broken heart…

That’s a lot worse.

If you break your leg, you get a cast for six weeks, and that’s it. But a broken heart takes longer to heal.

The pain you feel is real

Researchers have analyzed people with a broken heart through a brain scanner. And they compared the results to people who had bone fractures.

What did they find?

In both of the cases, it activates the exact same parts of the brain (the one responsible for sending out pain signals.)

Therefore, the pain you feel is very much real. Your brain cannot distinguish heartbreak from the pain of breaking a limb.

Realize that you’re in pain and take this into account

Am I saying that you have to hit your leg with a hammer to distract yourself from the pain of your heartbreak?

No, of course not.

I do think you have to take into account that you’re hurting right now. And understand that you really want to have something to make the pain go away.

Even though it’s not the most sensible thing to do at this moment, it’s what your heart craves. Even if it’s an impossible love.

But before you put on your best piece of lingerie and throw yourself in front of your ex while crying, you’ll want to ask yourself one crucial question:

Do you want him back just to ease the pain? 

When someone breaks up with us, something interesting happens.

If we love someone, we care about that person’s opinion of us.

And when that person decides to end the relationship, your brain will think:

“Oh, this good person doesn’t want to see me anymore. So I must be a bad person.”

In science, it’s called cognitive dissonance.

It causes enormous pain.

Someone you love, someone you trust, decides to crush your heart by denying you his love. It breaks your self-esteem.

As a result, this creates an overwhelming urge to win him back as quickly as possible. After all, you love him, and you don’t want someone you love to think badly of you.

You can love someone who doesn’t make you happy

Too many times, I get e-mails from women who are in a relationship with the wrong guy. Someone who hardly gives her any attention. And if she gets something from him, it’s only negative.

Yet these women don’t leave them, simply because they love them.

In such a case, a jerk doesn’t make her happy, and he’s a bad influence in her life. But she stays with him anyway, because the pain of losing him seems bigger than only dealing with the pain of being mistreated.

Being seen as a bad person in his eyes (even though he’s a complete jerk himself), is unbearable for her.

Let me ask you this…

Does he really make you happy?

The idea that you love him and the pain that you’ve lost him, obviously make you want him back.

But when you think about if he makes you happy, treats you with respect, and if you get what you need from him…

Do you still want to?

It may seem as if no one else will love you again

And that you’d rather be with someone you love rather than risk staying alone, possibly forever.

But I want to reassure you:

Relationships end every day, and all of those people find someone new.

It’s much better to find someone you love and who makes you happy. Life is too short to spend with someone who annoys you every day.

Look at your relationship in a new light

If you’re not sure which category your ex belongs to, you can always ask your family and friends.

Usually, I’m not a fan of asking your loved ones for relationship advice. Because everyone talks from their own stained experiences. But in this case, it’s a little different. You don’t ask for help, but you ask them a specific question:

“Have I become happier in your eyes since I have had a relationship with X”

They can help give you a different perspective that isn’t shaded by your own view. If you both conclude that you didn’t become any happier, they can help you realize that faster. That’s also one of my tips for dealing with heartbreak.

Do you still want him back?

Now that I’ve said all of this, my question is simple:

Did your man genuinely make you happy? Do you love him? And is that why you still want him back?

It’s time to think hard about if you want him back for the right reasons.

Step #2: Implement the no contact rule

Woman implements the no contact rule to win her ex back.

Okay so first of all, what is the no contact rule?

The no contact rule means that you cut off all contact with your ex for 1-3 months.

  • No texting.
  • No calling.
  • No responding to his messages on social media.
  • No emails.
  • No meeting up with him.

As far as you’re concerned, right now he doesn’t exist.

You don’t need to block him on social media as we’re going to use this strategically to make him miss you later. But if you’re having a problem with constraining yourself from visiting his Facebook or Instagram profile, then block the apps on your phone using apps such as, Offtime or Cold Turkey.

The secret behind the no contact rule and why it works so well

  1. You get a chance to take a step back from the situation and the breakup, and look at it rationally.
  2. You give yourself the time to heal.
  3. You get him to miss you, which is one of the most powerful ways of winning him back.
  4.  You can work on other areas in your life, which makes you strong, independent, and fun (all attractive qualities). Compared to being clingy, needy, and desperate which is a huge turnoff for all men.

Here’s the thing…

I know this might sound counterintuitive but just trust me.

Instead of wallowing in your self-pity at home with a bowl of ice cream and posting sad quotes on Facebook, you surprise him and make him question his decision.

When you break up and you don’t contact him, a few things enter a man’s mind:

  • I wonder how she’s doing, it looks like she’s handling the breakup really well.
  • It seems like she doesn’t need me to be happy anymore.
  • She appears to have changed into an appealing and ambitious woman, someone I want to be with.
  • Sh*t, maybe I made a mistake and didn’t realize what I had.

The fear of losing you, combined with how much he misses you is ultimately what is going to get him to reach out to you, and get him back.

That is why it’s so important that you follow the plan to the T, otherwise, it will NOT work.

You want him to think of you all hours of the day and to miss your nice touch, your smile, and your cute laugh. So that he remembers what an amazing woman he lost, and now risks losing to another man, forever.

If you break this rule: It will only annoy him and it will massively hurt your chances of getting back together. It will also make you seem desperate and don’t respect his decision, and therefore not him as a person.

Step #3: Accept the breakup and do NOT ask for clarity

A woman is working on accepting the breakup while eating a bucket of ice cream.If you feel the urge to pull your hair out in front of your ex-boyfriend or husband and scream “WHYYYYY”… And then finish a bucket of ice cream while crying your eyes out, because you feel really hurt…

…Then lock yourself in your house for a few days with the curtains closed and the doors locked.

But if you’re relatively calm and feel the need to talk about it, then try writing a few pages in your diary, or reach out to a close friend instead of contacting him.

The reason for this is simple:

Guys hate drama

And if you ask him:

“Can we please meet? I’d like to know why. I don’t understand. I want clarity so that I can close this chapter.”

Then he’ll realize that this will be a challenging conversation.

And that’s the last thing he wants. Breaking up was hard enough, and there isn’t much to say on his part. And he’s probably already told you why. So for him, there’s nothing to gain from having that conversation.

He’ll expect you to try to convince him to get back together. Which will only make him think about more reasons why he wanted to end it.

Because in his mind, he’ll prepare all kinds of arguments that led up to his decisions, and come up with everything that’s bad with you and the relationship.

So to avoid that from happening…

Never ask him to explain why he broke up with you

You have to realize that if you want him back, it doesn’t help when you get him to talk about why he broke up with you or when you try to convince him to get back together with you.

If you really want to know what his reason was, try to think back to what he said when he broke up with you.

Even if he didn’t give you a clear reason why he ended the relationship, and you desperately want to know why, it’s not a good idea to try to get clarity from him.

What you should do instead, is the following:

Step #4: Define the problem

A woman is defining the problems with her relationship.Look:

Your relationship ended for a reason.

And when it ends, it’s pretty scary. You’ll have trouble thinking clearly, or maybe you can’t even believe it. The feelings you have are so intense that understanding yourself and the situation is very hard.

I can see that in the comments and e-mails from women who tell me it’s over.

I often read about their tears, anger, frustrations, and how much they miss their boyfriend. They can hardly believe that they’re being pushed aside.

Draw logical conclusions – leave the emotions behind for a moment

I really get it. It’s a painful and challenging situation. But I’m not writing this article just to pat you on the shoulder and tell you:

“Come on, you’ll be fine.”

I’m here to advise you on what makes it more likely that you’ll actually get your ex back. And for that, it’s important to do something difficult.


Looking very rationally at why your ex broke up with you.

And beware: I deliberately wrote ‘rationally’. If you start looking at it emotionally, it will only make you unhappy. You can draw conclusions that you’re not good enough, or that he doesn’t love you enough. But life is not so black and white.

What was the real reason for you breaking up?

If you really think about what the specific reason was for him breaking up with you…

Where does that lead you?

Was it because you were always at work and couldn’t spend much time with him, for example? Because you cheated on him, or because he doesn’t find you attractive anymore?

Whatever it is, you want to know as much as possible why your man broke up with you. Apart from his emotions, but also yours.

Somehow he must have concluded that he’s not going to be happy with you

You want to find out what’s causing that.

I know this is a difficult question to answer by yourself. In particular, because it’s so emotionally charged. Especially when things have just ended, thinking about this can already evoke a stream of emotions.

Then realize that you’re making this about you again. Calm down. And think back to what he said exactly when he broke up with you.

If you have trouble finding the true cause, then compare the relationship you had just before you broke up, with the relationship you had when you just met. What changed for the worse?

Step #5: Solve the problem

A woman is solving the problems with her relationship.This makes a lot of sense, and I’m sorry if you’ve thought of this yourself already.

But before you do anything to get your ex back, you want to be 100% sure that you don’t run into the same problem.

If, for example, he was complaining that you were working too much, and paid no attention to him…

…Make sure you free up time at work (or other activities), so you can be with him when the time comes.

There are many possible problems that may have caused your breakup:

  • Did your sex life become boring?
  • Lost passion for the relationship?
  • Didn’t have time for any fun activities?
  • He wanted kids but you didn’t? Or the other way around?

Some of these are possible to ‘fix’. Others (like wanting kids or not), will be far harder unless you are willing to compromise.

Let’s run with the example of spending too much time on your job. Now it’s a good time to ask yourself:

Did I work too much?

Then ask yourself what you think is more important.

I can well imagine that if you’ve studied for many years for your current profession, and then you’re in a new workplace where people expect that you make an individual effort. Of course, you’re unlikely to work less and let them down. Particularly, when this occupation makes you very happy.


Is there a way to solve this problem, and are you willing to do that because you really want to get him back?

Then do this first. So you have already handled this issue before you try to win him back.

Take the initiative to solve the problem yourself

There’s a big difference between a dependent woman who’s hoping the guy will take her back, and a woman who takes the initiative and solves the problem herself.

Step #6: Satisfy your needs

When you’re dealing with a breakup, several things disappear from your life.

First of all, the man you love disappears. But besides that, the things he did for you also go away.

Naturally, in a relationship, you’re not just sitting in front of each other listening to the sound of the ticking clock. You provide each other things:

  • Company
  • Warmth
  • Specific things like:
    • Cooking
    • Massages
    • Sex

Keep satisfying your needs

Suppose your man regularly listened to your thoughts and feelings, and he was the one guy that gave you always gave you great advice. Then the moment you broke up, that completely stops.

And that can have its effects:

Because if you’re used to having those great conversations, and you suddenly don’t have those anymore, this can make you long for him even more than you already do.

It can make your heartbreak worse when you are not getting what you are used to.

Don’t desperately ask him to fulfill your needs

When your needs are not taken care of by him anymore, your desire for him increases.

And since he broke up with you because there was a problem, you really don’t want to come to him and ask him for his company.

But that’s exactly what he feels when you desperately reach out to him. The desperation becomes worse if you haven’t had anyone to talk to in weeks – or other things he did for you that made you happy, like cooking dinner, watching Netflix with you, etc.

The solution is simple:

Make sure you take care of your own needs

In the example of having someone to talk to, it’s very easy:

Meet up regularly with your friends or family. And talk to someone that you trust.

Yes, I know that it’s much better to do it with your ex boyfriend. But the point is: you miss him as a person – not the fact that he listened to how your day was.

You’ll see that you’ll feel better the moment you talk to someone else. And you can view the situation more clearly, without still longing for him to listen to you.

It will hurt for a while at first. But it’s like a band-aid

Pull it off quickly. You can think of it like this:

It’s like a little child whose puppy dies. The child usually doesn’t want a new one after that. But when he gets a new one, he’s thrilled to have it. And after a few weeks, he has forgotten all about the old one.

This principle applies to everything:

Do you miss having male attention?

Then go on a date with someone else, just for fun. The goal is not to marry the other guy or anything like that.

In fact:

There is no purpose except to give you a little bit of positive attention.

Another man makes an effort for you, so the part of you that longs for that attention is satisfied. This makes you less desperate since you don’t confuse that desire with the love you feel for your ex.

Did your ex cook for you? Then visit an amazing restaurant. Did you use to watch a tv-series on Netflix together? Then continue watching it with one of your girlfriends.

Step #7: Stay positive

A woman is focusing on staying positive to get her ex back.You’re feeling down because your ex left you.

But unfortunately, this state of mind makes it less likely that he’ll get back with you. Nobody likes someone who’s sad all the time. We all prefer to hang out with people who are comfortable in their own skin.

So if you feel terrible, you become less fun for people around you. That doesn’t come in handy when you want to win your ex-boyfriend or man back.

But there’s also something else:

The more you focus on these unpleasant feelings, the more these become a big part of your life.

Everything you focus your attention on becomes bigger

So if you spend a lot of time thinking about how bad things are since your ex left, it’s always on your mind.

The more it’s on your mind, the more you get used to it. And the more you get used to thinking about your sorrow, the more likely it is that you’ll pay attention to it when you’re bored or have nothing to do.

So when we know that no one likes to be around someone who’s always low-spirited and that every bit of attention you give sadness only makes it worse… Then you understand why it’s smarter not to focus too much on your heartbreak.

Can’t I be sad?

Sure you can.

Especially in the beginning, when you just broke up. I understand that you want to go crazy when it just happened. And lock yourself up in your apartment with a bowl of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream and cry on the couch in your least attractive sweatpants.

Let those emotions flow.

The goal is not to make it worse than it is, but to really let the tension leave your body.

However, as soon as most of your biggest tears have dried, and you start thinking more and more about how bad it all is, it’s time to get yourself back up.

You reduce your chances of him getting back with you…

…When you’re only busy being depressed over your heartache.

Your emotions are very powerful, and your sadness is like a volcano when lava builds up beneath the earth’s surface. And when the pressure gets too high, the volcano will explode.

You want to transform this built up energy into something else. Preferably something that prevents it from bursting out at once. But also something that increases the chances of getting your ex back.

I’ll give you some advice on that in the following tips.

Step #8: Exercise

A woman is exercising to feel better.As I mentioned before.

Nobody likes someone who’s sad all the time. And you’re obviously very emotional now that your man left you.

So what do you do?

Before the sadness becomes so intense that you’re about to explode, you release that energy yourself. And what better way to do that than by going to the gym? Or maybe going to yoga class, or kickboxing with one of your girlfriends?

The result is the same:

When you exercise, you get rid of that energy that would’ve otherwise gone on your emotional outburst.

And this makes you feel a lot better

You burn all these stress hormones you’ve been carrying around, so you can think more clearly afterward. And you’ll also look healthier.

An added benefit of working out is that your butt gets in shape. And not just your butt. Exercise makes you feel better, stronger, and it improves your body and mind. And it does wonders for your appearance.

And as you’ll read in other tips, you want to look your best when you attempt to win your ex back.

I remember a friend of mine…

…whose boyfriend broke up with her. I didn’t see her for the first few days. She locked herself up with a bottle of white wine and cried her heart out she later told me.

But after that initial phase, she decided to turn things around. Since then, she has been going to the gym every day.

I thought, “What’s going on?”

And after four weeks she looked amazing. And I thought:

“Hey, you’ve never looked better. It may sound a bit harsh, but your boyfriend breaking up with you might be the best thing that has ever happened to your appearance.”

And of course, another added benefit of working out is that it takes your mind off things.

You’re engaging with other people, which pulls you out of isolation, or you can at least pretend that you’re OK for a moment.

And at the same time, you’re too busy to constantly think about your breakup.

As a result, you train yourself not only to run faster or stretch longer but also to be more positive in life.

It’s one of the best things you can do for yourself when thinking of how to get your ex back.

Step #9: Invest in yourself

A woman rebuilding her self-esteem by investing in herself.As I’ve mentioned earlier: when your boyfriend broke up with you, you might feel like you’re worthless. That’s because someone you love doesn’t want to see you anymore.

Your brain goes like:

“Oh, no. He’s a good person, and he doesn’t want to see me anymore. What’s wrong with me?”

Which, of course, isn’t true at all. But try explaining that to yourself.

That’s exactly what this step is about.

Don’t place your identity or self-esteem in the hands of one man

My favorite writer is Tim Ferriss. He writes a lot about fitness and achieving goals. In one of his books, he writes that it’s very unwise to only focus on one thing. Whether it’s a relationship, a career, or an athletic performance.

The moment you do that, and you fail on that one thing, you suffer a massive loss. It seems as if you don’t matter as a person, just because you didn’t succeed at one single thing.

Focus your attention on several things

That’s why Tim Ferriss always makes sure that he focuses on several areas at the same time.

He’s regularly working out to get better at that. Additionally, he also works on what he can improve in his company. Or how he can better treat his loved ones.

As a result, it doesn’t feel like it’s the end of the world when he faces a problem in one area.

The problem doesn’t become emotional, because other things in his life are still going great. That prevents him from becoming desperate, which would have a negative impact on achieving his goal.

Be like Tim…

If your boyfriend broke up with you, you want to be like Tim Veninga Ferriss. When your self-esteem takes a hit, rebuild it by focusing on something else.

  • Strengthen your family relationships. Haven’t you seen your grandmother in three months? Then visit her.
  • Do you have the chance to take on more at your job, and you know this will make you feel better? Then do it.

It will make it easier for you to deal with the whole situation. And a way to take that time that you spent on your ex, to focus on more positive areas in your life.

You can sit on the couch and watch cartoons, but that will probably not make you any happier. Your heart needs a rest, and by focusing on other things, you create some breathing room.

Don’t wait for him to come back to you

 Happy woman living a fun and exciting life instead of waiting for his ex to come back.

It’s a paradox. I know that every part of your body wants him back. That you want to do everything to make that happen.

But you need to realize that this doesn’t help, as he has decided that he doesn’t want you. The fact that you want him will not change his mind.

That means that even if it takes a lot of effort, you shouldn’t let him know how much you want him back. If you do, you will seem desperate to him.

He’ll think:

“Gee, she really wants me back. I don’t have to do a thing. It feels as if I can walk all over her and as if I have all the power.”

This is not a situation you want to be in as a woman. Because he broke up with you, and giving him more power won’t change that.

Become independent of him

You deserve someone who wants you 100%. That person, no matter how much power he has, will be there for you.

But if your ex has clearly shown that he doesn’t want to be with you, it’s time to take a step back.

The last thing you want him to think is that he can teleport you back into his life just by texting you. As soon as he’s able to do that, he sees you as an extended version of himself. He doesn’t care what you think of him.

So become as independent from him as quickly as possible:

Even if you want him extremely bad. You have to realize that if you really want him back, you need to become more distant to him.

Before you get a new chance, he has to give you one first.

Step #10: Make him feel the consequences of his actions

A woman is seeing another man to make her ex feel the consequences of his actions and breaking up with her.Look:

He’s making it very hard for you. He broke your heart and that hurts. It might be tempting to think you can get back at him.

Not in a sneaky way either but by:

  • Putting all kinds of embarrassing stories about him on Facebook and share it with all of his friends.
  • Calling his parents.
  • And no, slashing his tires is not something I’d recommend.

Here’s what you should do instead:

Make him feel the consequences of his actions

He doesn’t want to be with you anymore? OK, got it. Then that also means that you’re no longer a couple. And that means you don’t do things couples do:

  • Sleeping with each other
  • Living together
  • Going to events together

The moment you keep acting as if you’re still in a relationship, or keep showing that you want him back, his actions have had no consequences.

He hasn’t lost anything by breaking up with you.

He dumped you and still gets all the benefits of the relationship. Sex. Attention. Respect from his peers (because he’s getting laid). He doesn’t have to decide whether he wants you back, because he actually still has you.

Stimulate his hunter’s instinct

Every man has an instinct to go after a beautiful woman.

But if he already has conquered her?

Then this instinct is not triggered. However, if you let him know that you’re no longer his (like he actually told you), then his hunter’s intuition can be reactivated.

You should behave as if he hasn’t won you over yet.

  • Stay independent.
  • Don’t contact him.
  • Don’t do anything couples do.
  • Focus your time on fun things.

And in the next step, I’ll share with you how you speed up things up a little bit.

Step #11: Make him miss you

A man is missing his ex.

Now things are getting interesting.

You’re not desperate, and you keep your emotions in check. You don’t overwhelm him with emotions and seem to accept the breakup.

There’s only one thing you need to understand:

Most relationships don’t end after a five-minute talk.

No, it usually takes a while before the guy comes to that conclusion.


Because there is without a doubt some things he doesn’t like about you. But he also fell in love with you at some point.

Anticipate his uncertainty

This doubt as to whether he made the right decision or not is the key to getting him back.

Because once you’ve solved the original problem (step #5), you can focus on your strengths. Those are the things that are perfect in his eyes. The things he loves about you. You want him to see those things again, and long to have them back in his life.

Before I give you specific tips on how to do this, keep one thing in mind:

Your goal is to make him miss you

You want him to think of you at night. You want him to wish for your touch. You want him to have stomach pain because he wants you. You want him to remember that beautiful woman used to love.

By not being in his life you allow these feelings to come back to him. After all, you can’t miss something you already have.

One of the most powerful ways to make him miss you is by making him jealous.

  • Post a picture on Facebook with another attractive man.
  • Show your best smile and how much fun you’re having without him.
  • Make sure you have paid attention to your appearance and you look great.

A woman is making her ex miss her by making him jealous and posting a picture on Facebook with another man.

I do recommend that you read my in-depth article on how to make him miss you like crazy after a breakup for the best way to achieve this, as I’m just scratching the surface here.

Step 12: Wait for your ex to contact you

If you’ve followed my plan up to this point, and there is any chance at all of you guys getting back to together, then he WILL reach out to you at some point.

What if he doesn’t reach out to you after 30-90 days?

Simple. The breakup is final and he’s moved on and so should you.

You should respect his decision and not cling to the past, no matter how painful this might be.

What it means when he does reach out to you

When your ex reaches out to you he’ll most likely do it in a very subtle way to ‘small talk’, just to hear from you again. He’s doing this because he’s curious to know how you are, what you’ve been up to, and to try to figure out what your feelings are regarding the relationship.

He might say something like:

  • Hey, how are you doing?
  • What have you been up to lately?
  • Have you seen my t-shirt?
  • I saw your picture on Facebook.
  • I miss you.

When that happens it’s important to play it very cool, even though you might be celebrating and doing a victory dance in your head.

Remember: You’re living a happy and fulfilling life without him so it’s important to NOT demonstrate ANY kind of needy or desperate behavior through text.

You can do this easily by taking your time and by using the following texting advice:

How to text your ex when he contacts you

  • Reply to him only when you have the time and it fits your day.
  • Wait at least 30 minutes before you text back.
  • Limit the number of texts you send him and don’t text more than a few times a day.
  • Always be the person to ‘leave the conversation’ (going to the gym, bed, work, etc).
  • Respond happily, confidently, and cheerfully to every text to avoid being boring and depressing to text with. That will only cause negative feelings and make him think of the reasons why you broke up. You want him to do the opposite and make him think of all the good times you had.
  • Check out more tips on how to text him in this in-depth article.

If he asks you to do something, tell him you’re busy but it might work another time (when it fits your schedule). DO NOT show up at his place 10pm a Tuesday night for a booty call. You’re better than that. Instead, propose meeting a Sunday afternoon for a picnic or something similar.

Remember: Don’t just pretend to be busy, but fill your life with all sorts of exercise and activities so that you’re keeping yourself occupied.

What to think about when you finally meet up with him

In the next part of the article, I’m going to give you more clearcut advice on things to do when you eventually see him.

Step #13: Treat every new encounter as a date

A woman is treating every new encounter with her ex as a first date.Remember when you guys just started dating?

You checked each other out. He didn’t know how much you liked him, and vice versa.

At the same time, it was all exciting and fun. Especially those first few dates.

Maybe he was even a little clumsy.

Do your best for him when you see him

When you see him, make sure you look your best. Be in a great mood with no dramatic stuff. Then you’re all set.

No matter how emotional you are, you won’t let it ruin your evening, afternoon, or morning. You get the chance to see him.

That doesn’t mean you’re going to completely throw yourself all over him as soon as he walks in.

No. During a date, you also want to wait and see where things are heading. You let him know that you’re checking him out and that you’re evaluating him.

You’re there and ready to make the most of it. So he can notice how much fun you are. How great you look. How little drama you’re causing.

And if you’re lucky…

His ‘hunting instinct’ will kick in again

Men have this ‘hunter’s instinct’ that I mentioned earlier.

It drives our urge to take over. Our desire to win you over.

If you play the role of the girl who goes on a date, he’ll unconsciously be inclined to play along.

Provided he misses you enough, of course.

So whether you see him when you pick up stuff in the apartment, or at a birthday party, or another place where you just “happened to meet.”

…Make sure you’re ready. Leave nothing to chance. Treat every encounter as if it were a date. Be the most positive, fun, and confident woman he’s ever met.

Step #14: Seduce him again

A woman is seducing her ex by flirting with him.Now that he misses you, and now that you treat every encounter (no matter how small), like a first date…

then you must seduce him.

He may have broken up with you. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you anymore.

He probably had mixed feelings and did it with a heavy heart. With compelling reasons to leave you. Not seeing any other solution.

You want things to go the other way. You want him to see that despite those previous problems (which you have now fixed), there’s a positive, attractive, and perfect woman.

And for that to happen, you have to flirt with him. And you’ll have to seduce him again.

Step #15: Behave like you did when you just started dating

A woman is behaving the same as she did when she just started to date her ex.I’ve talked about the best way to do this in several articles.

But know one thing:

You’ve done it before.

He fell for you at the beginning of your relationship.

There’s a reason for that.

He fell for the woman you were when he just met you. The woman when you just started dating.

So try to become that woman again. The one you were when you seduced him. Who knew how to charm him, even when it maybe looked like it wouldn’t work out. You want to become that woman again.

You’ve done it before. I’m sure you can do it again.

You want him to get home after seeing you and think, “Wow, that was fun.”

You want him to be really happy to have seen you again. Even though he’s the one that broke up with you.

At such a moment, he must find it pitiful. He will start regretting his decision.

Because he just had a great time with you.

So no serious stories or heavy topics. Above all, have fun!

Why does this work?

When a guy has fun while he’s around you, he’s associating that good feeling with you

When he feels good because of how you behave or because of the things you do together, this will reflect back on you.

Even if you would like to express your emotions to him, it’s not a good idea during this stage. Don’t talk about the bad things. But focus on the good things.

Keep it light and keep it fun. So he’ll only remember the good times.

Go for broke and don’t become friends with your ex

Woman goes for broke and doesn't become friends with her ex after breakup.

By treating every encounter like a date means that you have to go for the grand prize. A relationship together.

But if:

  • You notice that your ex doesn’t miss you.
  • He isn’t interested in getting back together with you.
  • He isn’t responding to your attempts to seduce him.
  • Things don’t get any better after a few months…

…Then don’t fall into the trap of becoming ‘friends’ with him. At this point it is better to pull back and really learn how to get over him.

If you suffer from heartbreak, this will only make it worse. I don’t want that for you. Remember that there are plenty more fish in the sea, even how cliché this may sound.

And the other advantage is that with this attitude, you can also avoid spending too much time with him. He’s supposed to miss you, not call you if he wants someone to watch tonight’s game with.

So this was the step-by-step plan to win him back

Woman is getting her ex boyfriend back.

Let me know in the comment below how it worked out with your ex and if you have any questions.

If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.



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2 thoughts on “How To Get Him Back: The Simple Step-by-Step Guide To Get Your Ex Back”

  1. How do I figure out the reasons for breaking up If I cant ask him? We have not seen each other for a long time because of the pandemic and probably will not be able to for a couple more months, maybe more. Do you have any advice on how to get back if its a long distance relationship for a while?

  2. Tim, a man that I’ve been dating for about seven months has been avoiding taking care of his divorce. He definitely is getting a divorce with her, but he found out some lies that she had said about him. They were really close still, so it hurt him and he was afraid to talk to her. I let him know that it was frustrating, and hurt me that he I hadn’t made any motions to move forward with the divorce. To my shock, he acknowledged my feelings reassured me and within a week he had contacted her. And also contacted his lawyer.
    Well, bringing this to the forefront of his mind made him realize how overwhelming the whole thing was. We shared an amazing weekend together, that I found out it was fake, because he was just trying to figure out how to break up with me. He didn’t say one word about it until he walked me to my car, after spending three days together. He said that he just wants to break up, focus on himself and the divorce since it’s so stressful, and that maybe we could get back together. He also told me that he wanted me to talk to him whenever I want! I was heartbroken, and still lamb, as this is very fresh. The first day we sort of message to all day, the next day he didn’t text me all day, and I messed up by messaging him. We ended up chatting a little bit before I finally said I was going to bed. He complimented me on my luxe since he broke up with me, and I’m just so confused. The way he left it open ended. What I’m wondering is, is it too late to implement this ‘get him back’ tactic after we’ve already messaged a little bit? And also, since we’ve been talking already, I feel like it’ll be really weird if I just ignore his texts for a month. What do you think? This relationship was the first healthy, beautiful relationship I’ve ever had. I’ve always been with really abusive men but I want him back so bad. I don’t wanna ruin this for myself. Especially where he is the one that told me that we could get back together in the future maybe.
    Thank you so much, blake

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Tim Veninga is a dating coach, relationship coach and social psychology bestseller author from the Netherlands.  He has been featured in media like Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Marie Claire & Elle.

Hi, I’m Tim Veninga. Since 2008 I’ve been coaching men and women to archieve succes and happiness in their love lives.

For years I’ve only been writing in Dutch, but in 2019 I started writing in English as well after many women asked for it.

If you want to get started learning the best of my advice, I recommend you download the 5 texting mistakes most women make.

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