17 Surprising Things Men Want In Bed But Will Never Tell You

17 Surprising Things Men Want In Bed But Will Never Tell You

How to make him happy in bed

in this article, you will learn:

  • What men secretly want in bed (and the things guys like in bed but won’t ask for.)
  • How to please your man, make him addicted to you and keep your husband sexually satisfied.
  • New things to try in bed with your man (that will drive him absolutely crazy).
  • What turns men on, how to arouse a man, and how to REALLY please him.

How to fulfill his secret sexual desires and get him completely addicted to you, forever…

Man addicted to womanFor men, women are a mystery.

For women, men are a mystery.

Especially when it comes to sex.

You’re afraid that you’re doing it ‘wrong.’ And if you do want to ask him for advice, you’re scared he’ll get angry, or that you’ll hurt his ego.

Let’s be honest:

Sex is a deal-breaker.

If it’s good, that’s how he’ll get addicted to you sexually.

If it’s bad, he can just disappear overnight. Or he’s going to find excitement elsewhere.

Before you think you’re good in bed, consider this:

A man will NEVER tell you that you don’t give him the right satisfaction during sex. 

Usually, he just escapes from the relationship. Very often, not even because it’s you, but because he finds women who aren’t good in bed as ‘unattractive.’

But don’t make the mistake that many women make:

Don’t take for granted that you’re good in bed because you’ve only had compliments, or never had any complaints.

I’m going to reveal the truth about how you can drive every man crazy in bed.

In this blog, I will tell you real working sex tips for women and some of the most common sex fantasies men have. (Men will never dare telling most of these things to you.)

Some things men want during sex can even seem a little weird.

And yes, I know you think you know what you’re doing in bed. That’s what all women think.

But I can tell you that, as a man – that’s just not true.

Let’s get started with what turns men on in bed.

This is what (the majority of) all men want during sex, what men love in bed and how you become his sexual goddess:

#1 Turn on his nose

Woman putting on perfumeIn the eyes of a man, a woman is like a soft and gentle creature.

And everything that reminds him of a woman is sweet, soft, and delicious.

Men, therefore, expect a woman to smell nice when they sleep with her.

It’s what they expect her to be like.

You don’t have to take extensive Bodyshop treatments to smell good.

The guaranteed checklist for fooling around:

  • Take a shower
  • Apply a nice-smelling lotion to your body
  • Put some perfume behind your ears

Small tip: Don’t overdo it.

If he kisses or licks you, he doesn’t want to swallow a gallon of lotion or perfume.

As long as you smell good, it’s okay. The neighbors don’t have to smell it too.

#2 What men like about lingerie

Woman in lingerie, stockings and high heelsMen are stimulated by what they see. Women are stimulated by what they hear.

What men want during sex is a woman with whom they fear losing control.

Her looks make them so crazy that they have to restrain themselves.

No matter how complicated it sounds:

A sexy lingerie set is enough to bring out the inner beast in the man. That’s how you arouse a man.

Do you really want to do well? Combine it with stockings and high heels.

I know high heels aren’t practical… But believe me, if you want to satisfy a man in bed, they’re very functional.

#3 Completely surrender yourself to him

Completely surrender yourself to himMaybe you have noticed this during the entire ’50 shades of grey’ hype:

Men like control.

One a little more than the other.

(And there are only a few men who like to hand over the control to a woman. If they do this, it is more likely coming from uncertainty).

So totally surrender yourself him:

Let him guide you in the bedroom

Some men aren’t very comfortable with giving commands.

That’s why it’s good to give him a helping hand, so he understands that he’s in charge:

  • Say “Tonight, I’ll do everything you say.”
  • Say “You’re the boss tonight.”

This kind of thing boosts his self-confidence and shows him he’s your “boss.”

#4 What men like to hear in bed

Woman says to the man what she wantsAnd while we’re on the topic of “saying things”…

As I pointed out earlier, men are sometimes just as insecure in bed as women are.

They don’t want to make the “wrong” move because they don’t know how a woman will react to it.

That’s why you can give him a helping hand by literally telling him what you want him to do to you.

You can even exaggerate this a little

When you say:

I want good sex tonight.”

it’s a lot less convincing than if you’d say:

I want you to take me so hard tonight.”

What men find exciting to hear is when you play with his “dominate” fantasy by telling him what to do with you.

#5 How loud do you have to be in bed

Woman moans with pleasureIt’s challenging for men to properly evaluate women who are very quiet.

It’s true both on dates as well as in the bedroom.

Only when a woman talks or produces a sound does a man know where he stands.

That’s why it’s a mystery for a guy to know whether a woman “likes it” or not.

Help him with that:

  • Moan with pleasure.
  • Tell him to go faster/harder.

This is what men want in bed. They get the recognition they desire.

They hear you’re enjoying it, which makes them even more excited.

Don’t be afraid that the neighbors will hear it. A man wants his neighbors to hear it. That rubs his ego big time.

#6 Stroke his ego

Happy man just got a compliment that made him feel good about himselfYou may have read that women like to get compliments. And that men should do their best to compliment women.

And this is indeed true. Women do like to get compliments.

But shall I tell you a secret?

All people like to receive compliments.

We men, too are sensitive to it.

Every compliment you give us that makes us feel more masculine is one step closer to capturing our hearts.

The kind of compliments that win him over

Men are most sensitive to praises that describe:

  • How strong we are
  • How smart we are
  • How confident we are
  • How good we are in bed

The latter, in particular, works exceptionally well.

Men already think of themselves as sex gods.

So what men want during sex is for you to play into this and reinforce this image of him.

So give him a pat on the back during and after sex on how amazing he was.

It doesn’t have to be complicated words.

Something like “Gee, you’re a beast in the sack” does wonders.

He can interpret what a “beast in the sack” means in his own head.

Be sure to start doing this

#7 Be his navigator in the bedroom

It’s easier to teach relationship materialMen aren’t always as confident as they look and neither are women. Every person walks around with some kind of insecurity.

That’s why we like to have people around us who give us directions or assignments. This means we don’t have to lose face when things go wrong.

That’s also how it works in the bedroom. It’s easier to teach relationship material to become good sex material…

…than teaching good sex material to become good relationship material.

Men don’t always know what you like

Because they don’t want to ruin it, they’ll be very cautious.

What a man actually wants is a woman who gives him instructions so he can satisfy her as good as possible.

Men sometimes seem to just be after their own orgasm. But they often do this because they don’t really know what you like.

So give him some instructions:

  • Tell him if he should go faster or harder.
  • Tell him if he needs to go more to the left or to the right.

#8 Take advantage of his fantasy to dominate

Man blindfolding and handcuffing a womanMen like to be the boss. We love it. To be in charge.

We want to control people and situations.

And secretly, this is also something every man wants to do in bed.

Men fantasize about blindfolding and tying up a woman.

Not because he doesn’t want her to see what’s going on. But because he wants to surprise her and not let her know what’s happening.

Take strategic advantage of this. This is one of the most effective ways how to make a man addicted to you sexually, and how to please your man in bed.

Make sure you coincidentally have a rope/handcuffs and a blindfold closeby.

You only have to say, “Honey, I want you to tie me up.” one time.

Believe me when I tell you. You don’t have to say that to him twice 😉

You will keep your husband sexually satisfied…

#9 Men DO NOT want a dead fish

A man does not want a dead fish in bedSome people call it a sack of potatoes. Others call it dead fish (use your imagination).

Whatever you call it:

Men universally hate it.

And I can hear you thinking:

“Yes, but men want to dominate a woman, so why can’t I just lie down?”

The reason men don’t want somebody who’s just lying there is that they want to feel like they’re having sex with a woman.

Not with a body.

You don’t have to do extensive Zumba exercises to show him you’re alive.

What you can do to not just lie there like a dead fish?

There are a few things you can do to make him feel like you’re not just lying there:

  • Touching and pleasing yourself
  • Putting your legs around him
  • Putting your arms around him
  • Hold his head/neck

All of this will make him see that you’re “alive.”, and participating. No matter how crazy that sounds.

Combine this with making sounds and giving him compliments. That’s a combination that’s guaranteed to create fireworks.

#10 Men like it “a little rough” during sex

Woman is pulling the man's hair“What kind of woman do I have here, and how far can I go with her?”

That’s the first thing a man will ask himself when he has a new woman in bed.

He won’t perform any crazy spectacular moves on her because they don’t know each other very well.

So he will take it easy and be cautious of what he is doing. Because of the fear and the risk of going too far (and doing something you might not like).

So, little by little, he has to find out what kind of woman he’s dealing with.

But if you, as a woman, don’t give him clear signs (subtle signs won’t work), he’ll never know.

How to bring out the beast in him?

By fighting fire with fire… or rather, by fueling it.

By being a little rough yourself, he sees that you’re not the type that falls in the “fragile” category.

So you unconsciously give him the permission” to be a little dominant.

Remember, men can also be insecure in bed sometimes. But if they get instructions from you, they will be fine.

Be careful: don’t overdo it when giving instructions and doing it rough.

Men want to have pleasure during sex, not the feeling of being in the army and having to do what you impose on them.

#11 Say his name

Woman says the man's name during sexNames are the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” – Dale Carnegie

#12 Initiate the sex yourself

Woman initiatesWe don’t live in the Middle Ages anymore.

Men and women have equal rights.

Couples split the bill nowadays.

Women even approach guys once in a while when they’re in a bar.

And even in many “male” dominated fields, such as medicine, the group of female students is becoming larger than the group of male students.

But when it comes to initiating sex, it seems as if women are still living in the Middle Ages

When you ask them why they don’t do it, you’re told that “he should do it“. There are a lot of things that a man “should do” that both groups do nowadays.

The fear of initiating sex is the fear of being labeled as a slut. But that’s exactly what turns men on and what we want in bed.

They want a real woman who only shows her naughty side to them. So jump on your husband at random moments just like he sometimes jumps on you.

Even if it’s during his favorite football game. He’s even willing to give up watching the game if you know how to push his buttons.

It’s simply how to be good in bed as a woman.

#13 Be open-minded

Couple talking about sex stuffHave you ever heard that guys don’t want a “prudish” woman?

That’s the term for a woman who doesn’t feel like trying new things.

Doing it missionary position in your safe bedroom every day isn’t very hot. After a while, it’ll be boring.

New things to try in bed with your boyfriend

Be open to trying new adventures together with him. If you’d like more inspiration for fun things and activities to do with your man, read this article.

Three things men like about sex:

  • In public
  • Using toys
  • Optionally: involve an extra person

These kinds of new things to try with your boyfriend don’t have to happen every week.

But by having an open attitude, you’re keeping him a very happy man.

What men want in bed differs for each man. But they all want a partner who’s willing to try new things.

Who’s not afraid to get out of her comfort zone with him.

#14: Reverse the roles

Woman compliments manBut there’s another way to stroke his ego. And that’s by taking matters into your own hands.

To take the initiative and spoil him… Like he’s a king


Men are aware that they have to be independent, work hard, and do everything possible to make the relationship great for you.

He puts a lot of pressure on himself. And that’s why it works so well to encourage him.

But what also works well is to spoil him. When you treat him as if he was a king, and you caress him with appreciation and adoration. Then you demonstrate how attracted you are to him.

Even if your husband isn’t great in bed and you sometimes wonder what you’re doing with him.

By touching him in this loving and adoring way while giving him compliments (for example, about his strong arms or nice chest hair), you increase his confidence.

And once he’s bursting with confidence, you can safely take the lead a little.

This is one of those…

Things guys like in bed but won’t ask for

He’ll never say it out loud but secretly he likes it when he can relax, and you treat him like a “king.”

When he gets that relaxation, you will see that it becomes increasingly attractive for him to make an effort for you.

He wants to live up to the expectation you expressed when complimenting him on his strong arms, his sexual performance, and everything else you told him.

And by once in a while taking the lead and pleasuring him and letting him just lay back, relax and enjoy the show. When you are constantly telling him how much you like him, how attracted you feel and how much he turns you on…

…Then you create an enormous amount of appreciation and desire in him. All great things guys like in bed but won’t ask for.

#15: Surprise him with…

Woman gives man bj…oral sex. Yeah, it’s not surprising that men love it. But maybe you’ll be surprised what this can do for your relationship.

For many men, oral sex is a psychological trigger with a capital “T”

He’s fantasizing about it. It is, as cliché as it sounds, the highest compliment you can give a man. Especially if it happens unexpectedly.

He has probably never experienced this in his previous relationships. And that makes you the most special thing that has happened to him.

That’s one of the best things you can do for him, and how to please your man.

I’d say: be creative in picking the moment of how you’re planning to give him pleasure.

#16: Sit on top

Woman sitting on topAs a woman, you’re particularly stimulated by emotions. You get excited by the feelings that a man may or may not give you. I’m sure you like foreplay more than your husband or spouse. And you have moments when you’re “not in the mood.”

Men on the other hand… We are “ready to go” as soon as we see something we find attractive. We’re stimulated by images (read more about a study on this here).

When he sees something exciting, it makes him aroused

That’s why more men watch porn than women:

It’s the way he’s increasing his excitement.

That’s why I previously gave you tips to give him oral pleasure (while he’s looking. And to put on lingerie, or to visually stimulate him in other ways.

And now I’m giving you a tip that’ll make him so turned on that he can hardly control himself.

What guys like you to do in bed is,

 Sit on top. Ride him.

It’s not the most stimulating position for him. But visually, he’s being tremendously excited. And he loves that. If there’s anything he will enjoy, this is it.

#17: Help him last longer

Woman asks man Slow downSometimes women complain that their husbands can’t last longer than a few minutes. That he’s not up for it at all and they might as well switch to women (or a rubber boyfriend).

I understand that. Men are often not very good at controlling themselves, especially not when they’re with a woman they find very attractive.

But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to improve himself. In fact:

Most men want to be a great lover, but they just don’t know how

And they don’t dare to openly admit it since they’re afraid you’ll find them weak.

Fortunately, there are many things you can do to teach him how to get better in bed — starting with how to make him last longer.

  • Explain to him that he occasionally has to stop and keep still during sex. You don’t have to say why except that it feels better. When you notice that he’s almost at the end, you can make him stop until he has had a small break and can continue for a while longer. Repeat this as many times as necessary.
  • Ask him to slow down because you’ll feel more. Then it’ll take longer for him to come.
  • Sit on top and challenge him. Go to the edge of his orgasm every time and then stop again. Tease him until he goes crazy.

If it turns out to be a chronic problem, he’ll have to do something about it himself.

How to best use the things you just learned

I understand that you can’t remember all the information in the 17 tips that you just read about, let alone when you’re in bed with a guy…

What I recommend you to do, is to pick one or two of the things you really like and give those a try next time you are intimate with him. See what happens.

Then come back to this article and try some of the other things I mention here. So bookmark the article (or save it somewhere where you can find it later), and pick one or two of the things right now.

If you have any questions, feel free to write a comment under this article.

Love, Tim

PS: If you want to read further then here’s another article about 23 signs that he loves you. And don’t forget to sign up to my weekly newsletter to get notified when a new article comes out.


You might like these articles:

6 thoughts on “17 Surprising Things Men Want In Bed But Will Never Tell You”

  1. Hi Tim thanka for the tips although I already do most of this I still learned a few things.Thanks again

    1. Thanks for the advice, Tim. I’m a little out of practice after 5 years with a man who seems to have lost interest in sex. I have tried surprising him with oral, tried introducing toys sexy lingerie, etc., he just seems to be more interested in his videogames and action figures. We have since split up and I am starting dating again. What are some things I can do to encourage a better love life?


  2. Thank you, Tim. For all the tips. It’s been years since I’ve had sex . And I’m so ready. I am very aggressive. And just want to be the one to do everything for the man. So I have learned a lot thank you.

  3. Wow this information is an eye opener Thank you for this Tim knowing what helps Is amazing I was married for 45 years my husband pasted away I wish I knew then what I know now I recommend this as a must read for every woman out there I personally love sex but I call it making love and most of this I have done and am falling for someone I want this man to feel every aspect of love possible and will aim to please. Once again thank you

  4. Hi Tim,
    I met a guy 27 years ago just after me and my husband had divorced. We became friends in the same group of friends and on the odd occasion would have sex with each other. As I got to know him better I realised what a great guy he was and what a good Dad he would be one day. This was something I couldn’t give him, and so I stopped having sex with him. We have been friends since but he doesn’t contact me when he is in a relationship, unless he needs my help with something or I might need his help with something. We recently just both got out of a relationship and during conversations he started to get a bit flirty and so I reciprocated. He is 47 and still hasn’t settled or found his baby mamma. We had sex again after a couple months of flirting and it was incredible, we both agreed and he even commented at one point we should have been doing this years ago. I said that maybe it’s good we didn’t because now we both know what we enjoy in the bedroom. Anyway, we’ve had a couple months of him coming round and we’ve had fantastic sex together, we both enjoy the same kinks etc,, but recently he has not been as flirty in texts and also has stopped saying good night every night or good morning or sending messages through the day. This has made me assess the situation and I’ve learned that I wasn’t letting him go all those years, I was protecting myself because I’ve realised I’m actually in love with him. So I asked him what’s going on, that because we’re friends he can be honest with me and he said that he values our friendship and that we’ve been having sex often and it’s amazingly horny but for him it’s just fun. So I did a foolish thing and said you could have just told me that because now we both know how it is we can carry on and have sex no strings attached. Except obviously for me that isn’t true and it’s breaking my heart. What should I do?

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

Are You Making These 5 Texting Mistakes?

Discover the 5 texting mistakes that scare men away (almost every woman makes 1... or more of them!)

About Tim & Changehim.com

Tim Veninga is a dating coach, relationship coach and social psychology bestseller author from the Netherlands.  He has been featured in media like Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Marie Claire & Elle.

Hi, I’m Tim Veninga. Since 2008 I’ve been coaching men and women to archieve succes and happiness in their love lives.

For years I’ve only been writing in Dutch, but in 2019 I started writing in English as well after many women asked for it.

If you want to get started learning the best of my advice, I recommend you download the 5 texting mistakes most women make.

Most Popular On This Site:

Are You Making These 5 Texting Mistakes?

Discover the 5 texting mistakes that scare men away (almost every woman makes 1... or more of them!)

Enter your email below and receive my free report with the 5 texting mistakes noW!

Browse topics:

Scroll to Top

Almost done! Fill in this form and you'll get instant access:

Fill in your email below to receive the 5 Texting Mistakes now