9 Things You Should Do If He's In Love With Someone Else

He’s In Love With Someone Else? 9 Things You Should Do Now

In this article you’ll learn:

  • What to do when he drops the bomb and reveals that “he’s in love with someone else”
  • How to reevaluate if he’s worth fighting for, or if you should break up.
  • The most effective way to bring him back to you and save the relationship.
  • Why it’s most important to give him space and focus on yourself in a situation like this.
  • How to use “the fear of loss” to make him realize what a mistake he’s making.

What to do when he’s in love with another woman

There are things in life that you don’t want to happen such as when your man falls in love with someone else. It’s just one of the worst situations you can think of and something you want to avoid at all costs.

You love him and have invested all this time into him, and perhaps thought you’d spend the rest of your lives together.

But now suddenly it seems like the whole relationship is hanging in the balance.

You don’t want to lose him.

You CAN’T be without him.

There is this other woman who wants to steal him from you.

It’s even worse if you are married and you find out that your husband has found someone else.

What should you do in such a situation?

Option 1 would be to break up with him and end the relationship right there, that’s sometimes the best thing to do. In that case you already know what to do and you won’t need my help.

Option 2 is when you are not sure what to do. I suggest you read this article with 13 clear signs that your relationship or marriage is over.

Do you want to fight for the relationship, your man, and not give up just yet?

Then here’s option 3. You fight for him. You fight for your relationship.

Below you’ll find a step-by-step plan I give to my clients when they come to me with this problem.

Let’s get started.

Here are the 9 things you should do when he’s in love with someone else:

#1 Give him space

Man needs space to do his own thing

Many couples break up several times during the course of their relationship only to end up getting back together.

One thing that usually causes this is that men often begin to doubt their relationship if she is constantly breathing down their neck by doing always doing everything together like:

  • Going to the gym
  • Hanging out with the same friends
  • Watching the same tv shows at the same time
  • Doing the same activities on the weekends
  • And so on…

This can easily become a bit too much for a man. As a result, he’ll often look to get away from the whole situation just to get some space to be alone or hang out with his friends. And understandably so.

Have you noticed that you are the type of person who always wants (and does) everything together?

Stop doing this immediately.

Men sometimes need to do things alone or with their friends. It’s critical that he gets time to do this. It’s great for you as well because then you get time to pursue your hobbies or spend time with your girlfriends.

#2 Exercise

Woman exercises

So you just found out that your man loves another woman.

Ouch. That is painful.

One of the absolute best things you can do (besides talking it out with your girlfriends), is to exercise and get all of that frustration out of you.

I know you’re probably not going to feel like it. But trust me, you’re going to be glad that you went, even if it’s for a 30-minute walk outside.

  • You’ll feel better afterwards, both physically and mentally
  • Burn calories
  • Have more energy
  • Feel more relaxed
  • Be able to think clearly about the whole situation
If you don’t have any motivation to go alone (which is very understandable) then ask one of your girlfriends to come with you. This way you can combine exercise while you talk it out at the same time.

#3 Remind him of how beautiful you are

He’s distant because you’re different than you were in the beginning

People quickly being taking things for granted.

You get used to what you have and no longer appreciate things as much as you used to. The same is also true for relationships.

Is it possible that you have “let yourself go” slightly in your relationship?

If you have done any of the following things, it’s time to rethink your actions.

Have you stopped wearing:

  • Makeup for your “natural” look?
  • High heels for comfortable sneakers?
  • Beautiful dresses for sweatpants?

If this is true for you, then here’s what you should do:

Every time you’re going to see him, dress up as if it was your very first date again. Make him remember how beautiful you are.

He wants to see how gorgeous you are

He may not tell you this straight out but it’s true. Chances are that the other woman always up looking her best when she’s with him.

So you do the same and make sure she’s not gaining an edge over you in that regard.

#4 Have more sex

He's In Love With Someone Else? 9 Things You Should Do Now 1

Alright, let’s talk about sex for a second.

It’s a dealbreaker in a relationship.

But usually what happens in a relationship when problems start to arise, is that the couple begins having less sex, which only worsens the situation.

Let me ask you something.

How has your sex life been over the last 6-12 months?

Be honest.

Have you only done it once a week, or a few times a month?

And just to be clear, I don’t blame you if that happens to be the case. Your man is as much to blame for allowing it to come to this.

But here’s the thing, men want and need to have a lot of sex to feel good about themselves.

Plus sex releases all kinds of positive hormones in both of you which makes you both feel better.

So one of the easiest things you can do to make your man realize how amazing you are is to simply have more sex with him.

So sleep with him as much as you can

I know you might not feel like it at all right now after trying to deal with this news.

You might just feel like crawling under the sheets in bed with a bowl of ice cream and cry.

And that’s fine. Do that for some time and get it out of you.

But if you don’t have sex with him, he’ll look for it elsewhere and you will lose your man.

If you’re having problems getting yourself in the mood, then alcohol has been helping people get laid for ages.

If you’re looking for one ridiculously simple tip that could save your entire relationship, this is it!

Every time you sleep with him, you’re winning over the other woman.

So make sure you sleep with him at least 2-3 times a week, minimum.

And here’s the thing, you have slept with him more than the other woman has so you have the advantage over her. You know exactly what he likes and doesn’t and how to please him the best. If you want some suggestions for new things he might like in bed, read this article with 17 things men LOVE.

Trust me, if you can make and keep your man happy in the bedroom, it sometimes is all you need to do, to turn things around.

#5 Ask him what he is missing in your relationship

Couple talk about cheating

Sometimes it’s difficult to figure out why or how he could’ve fallen for someone else.

The important thing is that you find out where it went wrong and what made him look for another woman.

So ask him what he is missing in your relationship.

The answer will surprise you. I bet it’s not what you think it is.

But ask him when you’re in a good state of mind and with a good tone. NOT yelling and screaming at him.

One of the absolute best times to ask this is right after you had sex and you’re both relaxed and in a good mood.

#6 Work on yourself

He's In Love With Someone Else? 9 Things You Should Do Now 2

If you could choose between the latest shoes at H&M or the latest shoes from Gucci, which ones would you choose?

The ones from Gucci of course.


They are of high quality and have a certain social value.

It’s the same thing with you and the other woman he’s in love with.

So make sure you become more attractive to him by doing things a high-value woman would:

  • Set a new goal for yourself
  • Read a personal development book
  • Work on your bad habits
  • Re-take some old hobby you used to be passionate about
  • Get started with an online course

Increase your market value

The more you invest in yourself, the more “value” you will have.

This will get his attention again because he will see that he already has those “Gucci shoes” at home.

#7 Try to be as positive as you can

Happy woman living a fun and exciting life.png

Yes, I know you don’t want to hear this.

You are probably not the type that complains, but let’s just pretend that this tip is for the other women.

Men simply don’t like to hear nags.

And if you complain, yell at him, or burst into tears every time you see him then, it will only remind him of the negative side of the relationship.

I can assure you one thing, the other woman he’s seeing is not whining to him when they’re together.

So if you are doing this, you’re actually pushing him away from you and in towards her.

The solution?

Be as positive as you can around him and don’t complain

If you really want to complain and scream your frustrations out, do it with one of your girlfriends. Or write it all down in a personal diary. 

#8 Take a step back from the situation

He's In Love With Someone Else? 9 Things You Should Do Now 3

You’d like nothing more than to know that your relationship is going to work out and that things can go back to the way they were.

Unfortunately, you cannot force love. And it is important that you don’t put any additional pressure on him.

He needs to figure this out alone

He is now in a situation where he considers whether he wants to be with you or not. And that’s something he must decide on his own.

The good news is… statistically speaking, most men go back to their original partner.

In the meantime you can start with all the other tips. Give him many reasons to stay with you. Work on yourself and bring more positivity into your relationship.

Sometimes a situation like this can become the best thing that ever happened to the relationship, because it forces both of the partners to wake up and start to work on themselves and the relationship to save it.

#9 Go on dates with other men

Woman spending time with other men

Since he’s seeing another person it gives you the right to do that as well and you should definitely use that to your advantage.

So make him jealous. Show him that other men are just waiting to scoop you up if you get single.

This is one of the most powerful ways to get him back to you simply by using the fear of losing you.

I can’t tell you how well this works.

All of a sudden the reality sets in for him and realizes that he might actually lose you to another man. That usually scares most men right back to their initial partner and makes them see what an idiot they’ve been.

But If this and the other tips simply don’t work then go to the next tip.

#10 Accept the fact that he’s in love with another woman

He's In Love With Someone Else? 9 Things You Should Do Now 4

This is the tip you don’t want to hear, but it needs to be said.

If he ends up leaving you for another woman, and you fought your best for him – then there is nothing more you can do about it.

It is what it is. You can’t force him to be with you. Sometimes it’s better to let him go and accept you weren’t made for each other

Moving on can be hard, but if you need some help to make it easier for yourself, read these 15 tips to get over a guy and move on with your life.

Think about what would make you happiest

Here’s what I recommend you to do:

Ask yourself, is your relationship really worth fighting for?

Because it’s going to require a lot of work on your part to save the relationship. And it’s still not a 100% guarantee. But if you’re not up for the task because you’re also tired of the relationship and he’s actually not worth it, then maybe it’s better to end it.

Only you can know the answer to that question.

But I can tell you this…

If you manage to save your relationship after doing all of this for him, then he should do definitely make it up to you BIG TIME and continue to treat you like the queen you are.

Anyways so I hope that helps.

I wish you the best of luck.


PS: I also once wrote an article about how to fix a relationship when you’re unhappy with it. Give it a read here.


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Tim Veninga is a dating coach, relationship coach and social psychology bestseller author from the Netherlands.  He has been featured in media like Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Marie Claire & Elle.

Hi, I’m Tim Veninga. Since 2008 I’ve been coaching men and women to archieve succes and happiness in their love lives.

For years I’ve only been writing in Dutch, but in 2019 I started writing in English as well after many women asked for it.

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