In this article you’ll learn:
- The answer to your question: “Why is my boyfriend or husband no longer affectionate or romantic?”
- What to do when he becomes unaffectionate towards you.
- Why he may still love you, even though he seems to have lost interest.
- How to bring back the romance in your relationship after it has gone cold.
- What it means to your relationship when a man doesn’t show affection.
The truth what goes through a man’s mind when he suddenly stops giving affection (and how to fix it)
All relationships go through ups and downs. Personally, professionally, emotionally and physically.
Life is just going to be hard sometimes.
Unfortunately often when a man is going through problems, it can cause him to pull away from his woman, retrieve inwards stop giving her affection.
Or as many men do, just hope for it to pass or to try and fix ithe problem themselves…
He can lay there next to you present in person, but mentally he is somewhere else and you can feel that he is not present in the moment with you. He’s going somewhere else in his head.
You’d think that this behavior would stop when you are in a relationship with a man, and he would open up to you when he had something big that bothered him.
But unfortunately, that’s not often the case.
They are not as comfortable or good at talking about their feelings. And most of the time instead of opening up to and reveal what they think are “weaknesses”, they can suddenly just go cold and distant.
Which often leaves her to guess what’s going on with him.
With that said…
Sometimes a man just isn’t a very affectionate person.
In this article I’ll go through the most common reasons why he’s not affectionate anymore, and what you can do to bring back the romance in the relationship.
Here are the 15 reasons why your boyfriend is NOT affectionate anymore
1. He is depressed
Depression can come from many things so it’s very hard to pinpoint the exact reason why he might be feeling this way.
There could be something big that he has to deal with, like hating his job or finding his life meaningless.
But it can also just be that he recently saw one of his childhood friends on social media traveling around and seeing beautiful places in the world… And he’s never done that but he’s always wanted to do it.
A harmless thing like that can cause a man to temporarily get depressed and feel like he has wasted his life, and therefore lose interest in sex and become a bit distant.
This can also make him want to take care of business himself, instead of making love to his partner.
2. He’s lonely
This can happen when a man simply misses his friends. Maybe his closest friends recently moved abroad, or his best co-worker quit and started working somewhere else.
Or perhaps he’s just been spending too much time alone or with you that he needs to go and see his friends.
Of course he won’t likely admit that he miss anyone or needs anyone. But instead this can come out in the relationship.
If he spends a lot of time alone or inside the house, you can try to get him to hang out with his friends or to go and do a fun activity together.
3. He has financial issues
If a guy is in a tough financial situation that’s going to come out very evidently in his personal life.
It doesn’t even necessarily have to be that he’s broke, which is terrible enough in it self.
It could also be that he might have lost a substantial amount of money on a business project, an investment, or over a crypto crash that happened recently.
Or it might be because of something that he’s ashamed to admit that you don’t even know about. Such as him borrowing money from the bank or from someone that he shouldn’t have. Or perhaps lost a substantial amount of money gambling.
4. He’s struggling with an addiction
If a man is struggling with a an addiction, such as drinking or doing drugs, then that’s going to cause him to become distant or behave in other strange ways.
You should probably have seen it though but sometimes it’s not always as clear.
Men can hide this pretty well and even for years even to their partners.
The most common one is that he’s drinking a lot but not to the point that it gets obvious enough that he’s an alcoholic or has a drinking problem.
In this case, it’s his problem not yours and you’re not a trained professional to help him with this.
So I would encourage you to try and look at his behaviour objectively and if it’s likely that he has a problem, then that you suggest that he talks to someone about it.
5. He’s having a midlife crisis
When a man gets a midlife crisis he can stop showing affection towards his woman because he realizes that “his young days” are gone.
So in bed instead of cuddling with his you like he used to, now he drifts away and looks back at his life and “how good it used to be”.
He can just wake up one day and decide to buy a motorcycle in his 50’s, go bungee jumping, or do any other activity that he is probably way too old for.
It’s sort of a denial or refusal to accept that he’s older now and that the times have changed.
But the good news is that most men get out of this phase within a few months and learn to accept the reality for what it is.
Here you can read more about how to survive his midlife crisis.
6. He doesn’t know how to be affectionate
This might sound surprising to you… But many men just don’t know how to be affectionate or what that even means in a relationship.
A man might have been brought up in a very unaffectionate family or never had a serious relationship before. So he actually never learned what he’s supposed to do.
He might think being affectionate means taking out the trash or responding to texts reasonably quick.
In this case it could be good to explain to him in detail what you’d like him to do.
I mention this in more detail at the end of the article.
7. He has won you over, so he stopped trying as hard
Slose to every single person on the planet pretends to be better than they actually are when they just met someone new.
Sometimes a man “pretends” to be more affectionate and perfect than he is during the dating stage so that it will increases his chances of getting her.
- buys flowers
- listens more
- texts more often
- cuddles with her
- And so on…
Until he has won her over, then he might stop doing all the things.
Because now the purpose of doing all of them have disappeared and he now reverts back to his “normal self”.
But sometimes that change can be so evident. From one day to the next you can notice how he suddenly went cold on you and you’re wondering what happened to the sweet, caring and loving person you met.
Well he was just playing and it was just not who he really was…
The good news about that, is that he at least knows how to be affectionate, but it’s just not part of his normal personality (yet).
But it can be. Here you can read 10 secret ways to change a man for the better.
8. He has a fear of commitment
Dating a man with a fear of commitment can be tricky.
Because everything can seem to be going great in the relationship, until he realizes that she might actually leave him (just like others might have in the past)… So he suddenly closes himself off to her first before she might get a chance to.
Let me ask you this…
Does any of the following apply to him:
- He had a traumatic experience in the past.
- He just came out of a terrible relationship.
- He finds it difficult to trust people.
- He is afraid that you will break his heart sooner or later.
Then it is possible that a fear of commitment is the cause of behind his lack of affection.
If that’s the case then I’d advise you to just show him love and kindness. And understand that he became this way because of something traumatic that happened to him.
Don’t take it personally. Show him that you love him, care about him and that you’re there for him, without putting any pressure.
9. You’re spending too much time together
In a healthy relationship, both people have their own hobbies, friends, goals and passions and then they meet somewhere in the middle.
If you have been spending too much time together over the last few months, then there is a big chance that he just needs some alone time.
If it goes too long without him getting that part of him fulfilled, then he might wake up one day and say that “he needs space or time to think”.
So an easy way to fix this is just to give him space.
It’s also very important for your wellbeing to spend some time to yourself, your friends and what you want to do.
10. He’s bored of the relationship
So every relationship sooner or later ends up in a rut where everything is not as high and exciting as it used to be. When a man stops showing affection it could be that he is bored in the relationship. But usually in this situation, the woman feels the exact same way and is also bored of it.
If that’s the case for you then here are some ways you can get the sparkle back in the relationship:
- Go on a trip together
- Try some new things in the bedroom (Here you can read 17 surprising things men want in bed but will never tell you.)
- Start a new hobby together (for example learn to massage each other)
Because what you want to do is to break your current pattern and introduce some new exciting things.
11. He wants to change the meaning of the relationship
So let’s say you’ve had a monogamous relationship for a number of years, but he’s getting a bit tired of it.
Or at least he’s entertaining the thought of meeting other people. Perhaps to try out an open relationship.
But instead of being a man and telling you how he feels about the relationship, he starts rebelling in ways that comes out as distant and cold and hope that you will eventually “get the point”.
He could also want to get out of a serious relationship all together and have a casual one, or worst of all, friends with benefits.
Here you can find some relevant articles about this that can help you with this:
12. There is something about you that turns him off
Usually what happens when a man stops showing a woman affection is that she tries to get him to become more affectionate again.
This reaction to his behaviour can make her try harder to get his attention and to cuddle with him or basically do anything to get some romance or intimacy back.
Which is completely understandable.
But now she often becomes an insecure needy person who wants something from him. And rightfully so. It’s a very human basic need that isn’t being fulfilled from him. And it’s totally not her fault.
But one thing that can make it worse is to become too pushy or needy, because that’s only going to have the opposite effect.
If you think this has been the case lately, then take a step back for a while and hope that he comes to you. And try some of the other things mentioned in this article.
One thing I also have to bring up while we’re on the topic… (Even though it rarely happens because pretty much all women take very good care of their hygiene.)
But sometimes a man doesn’t want to get intimate with his woman anymore because she has developed some kind of bad smell, for example bad breath that could have been caused by a cavity or something like that.
It’s extremely rare, but it happens. And worth mentioning.
The difficult part about this is that it can be hard for her to figure this out on her own, and it’s a sensitive subject for a couple to talk about.
13. He’s tired of you
This is always a tough pill to swallow.
But the truth sometimes hurts, and sometimes the reason for him not showing affection is simply that he’s tired of you and doesn’t like you anymore.
The worst thing you can do is to become more needy, clingy, and attention-seeking. (As I already mentioned)
If he’s tired of you he might consider if he wants to be with you at all.
If I had to guess, chances are that your relationship has not been the most fun and exciting lately.
So here’s my advice:
- Leave him alone and give him space.
- Suggest doing something fun together, an activity that will bring back your romance with something he would love to do. Or better yet, do this as a surprise that comes out of nowhere.
- Show him what an amazing woman he’s lucky to have by behaving like the relaxed, fun and kindhearted woman he fell for when you just started dating.
14. He has met someone else
Sometimes that’s just how it is. He has met someone else that is making him behave different towards you.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s over (yet). You could still find the spark and get back to the way things were if you both want to, and are willing to fight for it.
Here are some other relevant articles about this:
- 23 clear signs that he’s cheating on you
- What to do when he’s cheated on you
- 9 things to do when he’s in love with someone else
- Test: Does your relationship have a future after cheating
15. He’s still in love with his ex
This one also stings.
Perhaps he just ran into his ex, or started texting her again and realised that he missed her more than he thought.
Well if that’s the case then you can read the 7 signs that he still loves his ex and is NOT over her.
If he’s tired of you, has met someone else or wants to get back with his ex. He needs to say that to you.
Some weak men even lie to try and avoid the issue all together by not doing anything.
So if you have a feeling that something is up… And can find some signs for that being the case, then just ask him about it and be done with it.
Because at least then you’ll know for sure and can stop live in a world of uncertainty that will just drive you crazy.
How to get him to become more affectionate
So as I mentioned in the beginning of this article, it’s not always clear that he knows what being affectionate even means.
Try to explain in detail what you want him to do. For example:
- Hug you more often
- Kiss you in the morning
- Text you spontaneously
- Tell you “I love you” once in a while
- Bring you flowers sometimes
- And so on…
Book a date night once a week every week and commit to bring the affection back into the relationship.
And don’t forget to check out the 5 most common texting mistakes that women make that drive men away.
PS: Also check out these articles: