In this article, you’ll learn:
- Why men sometimes suddenly lose interest in a woman even though everything seems to be going well.
- What to do once a guy loses interest and how you can get it back fast.
- The answer to your question: “Is he losing interest or just stressed – or am I paranoid?”
- One thing that almost guarantees men to lose interest in a woman.
- How spending ‘too much’ time together, can cause him to lose interest.
How to find out if he has lost interest in you and how to fix it
So you have met a nice guy and things are going well between you. He does his best for you and he makes all kinds of plans with you and you know for sure that he likes you.
Then suddenly out of nowhere…
- He seems to lose interest
- He makes less contact with you
- He is not trying as hard anymore
What brought this on?
What can you do when he is losing interest in you?
I can imagine that this is confusing and frustrating for you.
That is the reason why I wrote this article. So you can know exactly where you stand in the relationship and what you can do t0 get him interested again fast.
Here are the 17 reasons why men lose interest in a woman:
Reason 1: He believes things are going too easy
This might sound a bit weird because if he likes you, it shouldn’t matter at all?
That is not completely true.
A man likes to ‘hunt’, he wants to feel that he has conquered you.
In other words:
He wants to do his best for you
A man loses interest when a relationship is taken for granted. This can happen after one date, but sometimes also after a long time in the relationship.
When he has the feeling that he doesn’t have to make the effort, he won’t appreciate you as highly. He will value you less and is less likely to enter into a relationship with you if you just started dating. So he literally loses interest in you.
What can you do about it?
Have him make an effort for you. Make it challenging. I don’t mean that you should act like an ice queen, but don’t make it too easy for him.
Reason 2: Work is currently more important to him
A relationship takes up (a lot of) time and energy, and there are only 24 hours in a day.
When his career is more important to him, he will eventually wonder if your relationship is worth the effort. And he will think:
“This relationship is all good, but it affects my career.”
What he does next is up to him. But in a case like this, try not to put too much pressure on him.
When men lose interest, it is often because they feel too much pressure. So to add even more pressure is not a good idea.
|Even if you want to know where you stand at that moment, give him some space to make a choice. This way you will increase the chance that he will eventually choose you.|
Reason 3: He no longer likes you
You might have heard the expression that you will truly get to know each other once you are in a relationship. And that is correct.
When you are only dating you can hide things from each other, but this is a different story once you are in a relationship.
You (literally) expose yourself to each other.
So it is possible that he will see you in a completely different light…
And this actually puts him off a bit. He is probably afraid to tell you this, but when it happens, you will notice that he loses interest in you.
There are two things you can do:
- Let him go. This might be difficult, but keep in mind that you deserve a man who loves you despite your minor flaws.
- Get him to fall in love with you again, so he will become more interested in you. In this article, you can read about the best ways to do this.
If you think that this might be the reason, then I recommend that you check out this article with the 27 signs that he likes you.
If you recognize a lot of the signs in the article, then you know he still likes you and that there has to be another reason for him to lose interest.
Reason 4: He was never interested in a serious relationship
This reason is not very nice, simply because it may be painful for you. But men are sometimes just looking for:
- A person to talk to.
- A playmate in bed.
- Someone who gives him attention.
In other words, he was never interested in a serious relationship.
So the moment you bring this up, is the moment he loses interest in you. In this case, it is best to let him go.
Forcing a relationship with someone who never really liked you, is asking for trouble. And let’s be honest, you deserve so much more.
Reason 5: You suddenly expect more from him
Men want to feel like they can make choices freely.
It is possible that you gave him this freedom during the dating phase.
But suddenly something changes:
You have been dating for some time and now you suddenly expect more from him such as:
- Meeting your parents.
- Celebrating birthdays or holidays together with your family.
- Be available to you emotionally.
- Him committing to the relationship and not going out talking to other women.
- Think about you when he’s thinking about his future and the goals he wants to achieve.
This will make him feel like he no longer can make choices freely and the way he used to.
That change can make him panic
He will picture his freedom disappearing like snow before the sun and think:
“What will it be like in five years, if she is already expecting so much from me now?”
The fear of being trapped in the relationship will freak him out and make him become distant. He will pull away and slowly lose his interest in you.
|So my advice is: Slow down. Let him find out in time how nice you are and don’t try to rush things.|
Reason 6: He needs more time to himself
When you are in love with a man you want to spend as much time with him as possible. But what about him? Does he want the same?
He might be becoming aware that he is spending less and less time with his friends, and his friends keep complaining about it to him.
Then he suddenly realizes how much time he spends with you and thinks:
“I want more time to myself.”
He’ll pull away from you, and when he is pulling away from you it seems like he is losing interest in you. But you shouldn’t worry about it, just give him some time for himself.
|Research shows that 1/4 men (at some point), mention to their partner that they want to spend more time with their friends. These are brave men because there are a lot more men who are afraid to mention this.|
Reason 7: Your sex life is no longer what it used to be
Sex is very important in a relationship. Research shows the following: the better your sex life is, the happier your life will be.
When your sex life is no longer what it used to be (e.g. boring) he will lose interest in you.
So ask yourself if this might be the reason.
If so, then it is high time to spice up your sex life and get him interested again. Make it fun and exciting again, and let his head run wild just thinking about it.
That is of course easy to say, but how do you do that?
In this article, you can read all about the 17 surprising things men want in bed, but will never tell you.
Reason 8: You behave differently than when you first got together
Chances are you don’t even notice this yourself because this simply happens unconsciously.
During the dating phase you might have been:
- More relaxed – because you didn’t have high hopes yet.
- Casual – because the relationship wasn’t all that important to you yet.
So you very naturally and unconsciously come across as laid back and more relaxed. But after a few dates with him you might think to yourself:
“Gosh, I actually like him.”
And you’ll start behaving differently
You will start to behave differently because you are afraid of losing him.
This will put him off, as he may have liked that casual and relaxed behavior about you a lot.
It then seems as if a man suddenly loses interest. But in reality, he is still interested, but in the woman he was seeing during the dating phase.
So it is important to continue to be yourself and behave like you were during this time, and treat him like you did when you first met.
Reason 9: He thinks you have developed some irritating habits
You’ve probably heard someone say that you should ‘just be yourself’ at all times. This sounds great but we both know that this is an impossible task.
What I am trying to say is that we are constantly changing, sometimes without even realizing it.
This research shows that we are going through several changes in our personality.
Therefore, it is possible that you have developed some new habits lately. Habits he simply finds irritating that is causing him to lose interest in you.
You can solve this by asking him the following:
“What annoying personality traits have I developed in the past year?”
|Don’t ask him what he thinks of you, as he will feel obliged to give a positive response. Instead, ask him the above question. Then he will be more likely to give you an honest answer.|
Reason 10: You are trying to change him – and he notices this
Men really hate this.
Even if you have the right intentions, when you try to change him, it will really irritate him. He likes you, but once he notices that you want to change him, he will distance himself.
Look, men like to be… eh… the man.
When women try to change us – and we notice this – it feels like you don’t respect us.
Does this mean you shouldn’t try to change anything about him?
No, of course not.
I do understand that sometimes you want him to tell you what he’s thinking, or consider your feelings a bit more.
The problem is in the way you are trying to change him:
When you literally tell him that you want to change … [fill in something that you want to change about him]… it will put him off.
Luckily, there is a way in which you can ‘change’ him without him losing interest in you. Here you can read how you can do this.
Reason 11: He feels like you don’t need him or appreciate him
This is another typical male behavior…
But it is important for men to feel important. He wants to feel that you need him.
If you always act independently, you therefore actually say to him:
- ”I don’t need a man.”
- “My life is great as it is.”
- “I don’t really care about us.”
This will set his alarm bells off. He doesn’t feel important and respected at that moment, which is making him more distant.
It is very ironic but men can lose their interest because they have a feeling that the woman is not interested.
|You can easily avoid this by telling him that you need him. I don’t mean that you should literally say this to him, but ask for his help now and again. Even when you don’t really need his help, the point is that it will make him feel appreciated.|
Reason 12: He is no longer madly in love with you
All good things come to an end, including the butterfly feelings in your stomach.
That’s usually after two years. After that, you mainly stay together because of the ‘love hormone’ oxytocin.
So after these two years, it might seem like he loses interest in you, and it is possible that:
- He makes less effort for you.
- He spends less time with you.
- He’s less affectionate with you.
This doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It is normal that you try harder at the start of a relationship to make it work.
You get complacent, and it’s normal. But if you are willing to put in some effort for the relationship (the fact that you are reading this article says you do) you can easily turn it around and make him fall in love with you again.
Reason 13: He has doubts about the relationship
When your relationship is not going very well, it could be because he has doubts about the relationship.
At that moment he is not completely certain whether you are the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with.
And because he has doubts, you get the impression that he is losing interest. You instinctively want to do something about this as fast as possible.
You want to know where you stand and of course, make the relationship work
That is understandable, but he is definitely NOT interested in any serious talks or difficult decisions during this time.
So keep that in mind when you want to get him interested again as fast as possible.
You can mention to him briefly how you feel, but give him time to make up his mind in peace.
Reason 14: He’s losing interest because he’s under a lot of stress
Many ambitious men suffer from this.
They want to do well in their careers and put a tremendous amount of stress on themselves to succeed.
But it can happen to everyone from time to time. This stress causes him to pull away and it will seem to you as if he has lost all interest.
His stress could be caused by:
- Depression because he hates his life or work and doesn’t know how to solve it.
- Financial trouble. He could be in debt or lost a lot of money because of a poor investment.
- Incredibly overwhelmed because of work and not sure if he can handle it.
- His ex-wife and the mother of his children is making his life difficult. Such as lying to his son about him, not being reasonable with child support, pickups and dropoffs, etc.
- Dealing with the law. Maybe he’s a witness in a criminal investigation, or worse, facing charges/being sued.
- Someone close to him is having a life crisis. Perhaps a close friend just got cancer, his father is about to go bankrupt and lose his business, or his mother can’t take care of herself anymore.
There could be a million reasons why he is stressed.
But here’s the thing…
If he is very ashamed of what has happened (such as losing a lot of money on a poor investment), don’t expect him to reveal this anytime soon.
The last thing he’d want to do is to tell you something that might make you see him as a loser, and therefore risk losing you as well.
It’s much more likely that he’ll mention it to you if it’s something that doesn’t make him ‘look weak‘. (Someone close to him getting into trouble, his ex being a nightmare, etc), then it is for him to say that he hates his life or that he can’t handle all the work his boss is giving him.
Here is something you can say (without judgment) that will make him feel safe and increase the likelihood of him opening up to you: “If you’re feeling stressed about something, I just want you to know that I’m here for you without judgment”.
|Give him space and show him that you love him and that you’re there for him, without judging him.|
Reason 15: He has unprocessed trauma that he must process (alone)
Everyone experiences unpleasant experiences now and again. For example, one of his closest friends might have died.
You can see that he is distraught and you try to help him where possible.
Even when he pulls away and asks you to leave him alone.
You cannot understand it, why is he acting like this?
At moments like this, it is better to give him time to himself
The fact that he doesn’t want to talk about it, doesn’t mean that he is less interested in you. It just means that he needs to process his grief, and men do that differently.
|Women: Prefer to talk about their problems.
Men: Prefer NOT to talk about their problems and will try to solve it themselves.
So give him time to process his emotions.
Reason 16: He’s showing signs of having a fear of commitment
You have been seeing him for a while now and your time together flies by. That is how much fun you have together. And many dates later, things are still great.
But suddenly he seems to lose interest and pull away.
You really don’t understand what is happening. But he feels that the relationship is becoming ‘too serious’.
And suddenly he’s showing signs of having a fear of commitment.
His ‘fear to commit’ can have multiple causes
- He has had a traumatic experience.
- He just came out of a (bad) relationship.
- He finds it difficult to trust people.
- He is afraid that you will sooner or later break his heart.
- He is not sure whether you are the right person for him.
Whatever the reason behind his commitment issues, it is important not to put too much pressure on him.
|So telling him that he should make a decision if he wants to be with you within X number of days is not a smart move.
What you can do in the meantime is to check out this article, which includes my 11 best tips to conquer the commitment-phobic man.
Reason 17: He has found somebody else
This is by far the most unpleasant reason, but when you get the feeling that he is losing interest, it is possible that he has met someone else. But he doesn’t dare to tell you.
So in fear of the confrontation, he instead says:
“I want to take things a bit slower.”
Ok, what do you do now?
The first and the most important thing to do is to find out whether there is another woman involved.
If that is the case, it is best to let him go. But before you make any hasty conclusions, make sure you know exactly what’s going on. So you don’t waste what could’ve been a great thing.
This was the reasons why men lose interest in a woman, and what you can do to get him interested again fast
It’s absolutely possible to get him interested again once he loses interest.
More often than not it comes down to giving him space, waiting patiently, not rushing to any conclusions and immediately assuming the worst.