Dating A Married Man? 10 Things You Should Know

10 Things You Should Know When Dating a Married Man

In this article you’ll learn:

    • Why the married man you’re dating might be less committed than you think (even if he says he loves you).
    • The rules to successfully have a relationship or affair with a married man and be happy.
    • The answer to your question: “I’m in love with a married man, what do I do?”
    • The secret trick to give figure out if he’ll leave his wife for you and how to subtly motivate him to divorce her.
    • Why you shouldn’t listen to other people commenting on your relationship.
    • The number 1 secret to make him fall head over heels in love with you and protect yourself from getting your heart broken.
Disclaimer: As a dating coach, I don’t judge you on what you are doing

It’s not my place. I just want to help people find happiness in their love lives. That is my job, and that is the only thing that matters. This isn’t a simple black and white issue. There are so many scientific studies and statistics suggesting that a relationship with a married man can work out. Sometimes it’s the start of a new relationship that lasts. It’s my job to give advice in a situation, and if someone would come to me with this question/problem, what you’ll read below would be my answer.

10 Things You Should Know When Dating a Married Man 1Is it okay to date or have a relationship with a married man, if you love him?

He has a wife at home. But he prefers to be with you. And he shows you that too.

He sends you flowers. He spoils you. And at the same time, he is one of the most masculine men you know.

Just thinking about him drives you wild.

Your heart is in your throat, and you can’t wait to be with him.

You’re starting to fall in love with a married man, and you hope he loves you too.

It’s not easy to date or have an affair with a married man, especially if you love him

There are many obstacles along the way. Traps you can fall for. Problems that will arise.

During my career as a dating coach, I have helped thousands of men and women to deal with this situation. So based on my first-hand experience, I’m going to give you my best advice.

So you can take the steps necessary for a happy love life.

Are you ready?

Below you will find my 10 tips when you are in dating or having an affair with a married man:

Tip 1: Don’t let other people make you feel guilty

10 Things You Should Know When Dating a Married Man 2

If you have told others about your dating situation, then I know what you’re most likely to constantly hear from your friends, parents, or from the people around him.

And let’s not even mention what other strangers have to say about it.

The worst of all are the anonymous scum on the internet.

When a post is written on social media of a man cheating on his wife, you will rarely read any angry comments about the guy (except for the occasional “every man is the same”).

Instead, you will read (and hear) a lot of the following accusations on her:

  • “This woman is a homewrecker.”
  • “You are taking him from her.”
  • “You let yourself being used for sex.”
  • “What you are doing is wrong.”
  • “You should be ashamed of yourself.”

Forget about what other people think

Most people have not dated, had an affair, relationship, or been in love with a married man.

Because they have never done this, they are not entitled to have an opinion on this. They don’t know what is going on at all.

And I don’t know the exact details in your specific case. But among all the thousands of people I have helped, this situation has occurred quite a few times.

So don’t let them make you feel guilty.

Tip 2: Envision your future together with him

10 Things You Should Know When Dating a Married Man 3


Here is the Change-him time machine.

Can you see the red chair? It’s for you.

Take a seat. Then I will pull the big purple handle on the side.


Envision yourself three years into the future

  • Are you still dating the same man?
  • Is he the one you want to grow old with?
  • Do you love him?
  • Are you going to have an amazing future together?
  • Do you have any kids together?

If you find out that you expect one of these results in three years’ time, you immediately know what you should do.

Finding the love of your life is a huge part of happiness in life…

So if you think that you have a chance to go the distance together

Then you should not leave something like that to chance or fate.

In fact:

You should treat it as if you are the owner of a multi-million-dollar business, and this is your most important product.

Or as if you were a tennis player participating in an important match. Just focus on the ball – and hit it over the net every time.

Purely to win the championship.

Finding the love of your life is very important

And if you think that this man might qualify for this, you should definitely give him a chance.

Even when he is married to another woman.

Especially when he is married to another woman.

Because suppose you are destined to be together

And he stays with her.

Then they will grow old together with a person who’s not perfect for each other.

And he missed out on the love of his life and the opportunity of finding real happiness.

In fact, you are hurting both of them by not going after him. You are causing them the pain of being with someone who is not right for each other.

What if the woman he’s married to loves him dearly?

Then it’s still a good idea to just give it a try.

Your happiness is just as important hers. Why would you easily give this up for a woman you don’t even know?

Isn’t it up to him to decide whom he wants to be with?

Right. That is actually what I was thinking.

I won’t say it will be easy

Loving a married man who loves you is incredibly hard because one person is going to get hurt.

It will not all be roses and sunshine. Certainly not at the beginning.

In fact:

Tears and wine will flow, relationships and glasses will break. It’s all part of it.

But once the dust has settled, everyone will be happier. And that is the only thing that matters.

You can decide to not pursue your own happiness, but that would be a shame.

You only have one life. So make the most of it, right?

Tip 3: End it if it’s just a casual fling

10 Things You Should Know When Dating a Married Man 4

If he is the love of your life, I definitely recommend you to continue dating him and going for it.

But if you are having an affair with a married man to only have fun, and you don’t love him?

Then end it with him and find yourself another toy.

If you can avoid causing more problems to their relationship, you want to do that and avoid the risk of getting yourself into any serious trouble or potential drama.

I know it’s not always easy to control yourself, but sometimes it’s good to weigh up the risk vs reward ratio.

And if the risk is too high, and the reward isn’t that great, it’s simply not worth pursuing.

Disclaimer: Once you reject him he’s going to want you more so prepare yourself for that.

Tip 4: Don’t immediately assume that he will leave his wife for you

Every day I receive emails from women involved with a married man and ask me for advice.

Here’s typically how it works…

Everything is going great between them. She is starting to fall for him.

And their relationship seems to be heading down a very promising path. Until it’s time to make some actual decisions.

Then suddenly it becomes very difficult to get any kind of clarification from him. And he no longer doesn’t seem quite as interested in taking the relationship further than fun and sex.

Here’s the thing…

It’s a very small chance that a married man will divorce his wife

This is not only my professional experience, it is also what’s confirmed in scientific research.

The American Psychological Association found that infidelity in the United States is responsible for 20-40% of divorces.

About 20% of men have an affair (and women are pretty good at it too). It’s in your genes.

However, most affairs don’t cause a divorce. Of those men who have previously been unfaithful to their spouses, 61% are still married.

Only in the exceptional scenario when he likes the new woman more than his wife, will he even consider divorcing her. And it becomes increasingly more complicated when there are kids involved or if there is a financial dependency.

Cheating on the other hand is another question. Many men do that.

Here you can read about the 11 reasons why men cheat.

Tip 5: Don’t believe everything he says

10 Things You Should Know When Dating a Married Man 5

Yes, I know.

I know that he has probably promised you the moon. That he will marry you. And that he will always be there for you.

But horny men, say anything to get laid.

In fact…

Men who are aroused, cannot think clearly anymore

Their intelligence drops a few points, which makes it increasingly difficult to make good decisions. The more he wants to get into her pants, the harder it will be to think clearly.

So they often say things they don’t mean. Purely because they want to have sex.

So instead of trusting a man on “what he says he’ll do”, it’s better to look at what he actually does.

There is often a difference between the two. And let’s be honest:

You want a guy who takes action and delivers on his word, instead of just talking about it, right?

Tip 6: Only commit to him if he commits to you

10 Things You Should Know When Dating a Married Man 6

So I already gave you the advice to go for him wholeheartedly if you believe that he is the guy of your dreams.

In return, you may expect the same from him.

But if you have been dating for a while and you notice that you’re doing all the work in the relationship, then it’s time to change things.

After all, you don’t want to stay with a guy who doesn’t feel the same way as you.

You deserve someone who is fully committed to you

Being in love with a married man is hard enough, and especially if he doesn’t love you back.

I believe that you deserve to be with a man who is fully committed to you. Whether he is married or not.

If you notice that this man can’t or won’t do this for you, then sooner or later you’ll have to dump him. And distance yourself, so you can be available for someone who really wants to be with you.

Otherwise, you’ll let yourself be used. And you deserve better than that.

Do you suspect he is using you?

Are you not sure whether he’s ‘serious’ about you? Then check out this article to see if he’s just using you for sex.

Tip 7: Don’t talk to him about his wife

10 Things You Should Know When Dating a Married Man 7

I know.

He whines about her. He complains about her. And can’t stop talking about her.

If you want one rule for when you are dating a married man, remember this one.

Stop him when he brings her up. Or at least don’t contribute to the things he says about his wife.

Be impartial. Don’t be on his side, or hers.

It’s between the two of them.

One of the dangers of dating a married man is that most men will try and work things out with her

That is annoying. But statistically, that’s the reality.

Difficult but true.

You can hope that his feelings for his wife will become weaker and weaker until they eventually disappear.

You can only hope that this will happen.

If you want to reduce the risk of him going for his wife, there is one thing you can do.

Don’t give his feelings for her any more fuel

Make sure that you don’t give his feelings for his wife any energy.

Him complaining about her is nothing more than make-up sex “waiting to happen”.

Make him think about you instead of her.

You want his thoughts for his wife to fade away so he’ll only think of you instead.

That is the subtle way to seduce him to go for you.

Not by discussing his wife with him, what she did wrong or what she puts on his sandwich.

Then you have a bigger chance of them eventually fading away

And if that doesn’t happen?

Then the guy you are seeing is part of the majority of married men who cheat, without divorcing their wives. It’s one of the dangers of dating a married man.

Keep in mind that sneaking around is very erotic

I know how it goes.

He likes you, you like him. But in the background, there is the horrible image of his wife losing it completely.

But your love will survive. You will find a way to get together.

It’s exciting. It’s your little secret.

But what if his wife leaves him?

And suddenly it’s no longer a secret?

It happens.

Most men underestimate how that can affect the affair.

In most cases when the wife finds out and leaves him, the excitement of the affair will disappear.

It’s less exciting when it’s “allowed”. And if you are not in love with each other, it’s not much fun anymore.

Tip 8: Don’t think of it as a competition

10 Things You Should Know When Dating a Married Man 8

Many women (and men) assume that when they are having an affair with a married person, they have entered a competition with the other partner.

This underestimates the degree of control you have over the decision of the man you are seeing.

You think you can influence his behavior by competing with the partner.

But it doesn’t work like that:

You cannot take him from her

The only thing that can happen is that he falls madly in love with you, and then decides that he prefers to be with you.

That is a completely different approach.

However, there are things you can do to ensure that he finds something in you and your relationship that he’s not getting from her.

Here’s how to make a man fall in love with you.

Tip 9: Figure out what his needs are and give it to him

10 Things You Should Know When Dating a Married Man 9

Every man has certain needs. And when he’s in a bad relationship, these are not being fulfilled.

If you want to learn how to date a married man successfully and be happy, this is it.

His most important needs are:

  • Respect
  • Feeling needed
  • Sex
  • Alone time

Every man needs to feel like he’s “the man”

Not all the time, but in a relationship, he absolutely doesn’t want to feel like his wife is walking all over him.

At the same time, men like a woman who can look after herself, who is strong and independent.

But that doesn’t mean that she should never need him for anything.

In fact, if he’s getting the feeling that she never needs him to do anything for her – he might feel rather useless in the relationship.

Sex is important 

Men are programmed to look for sexual variation. So if he does it with one person for the rest of his life, he wants it to be satisfying.

But the bitter truth is that the sex life in most relationships is downright awful.

Every guy needs alone time

Every day men need a few hours of alone time to charge their batteries.

They do this the opposite way to women, who process their emotions by talking to others about them.

The most common complaint married men have is that they don’t get time for themselves.

Use what his marriage is lacking to make you even more attractive

You will no doubt hear from him what his wife is doing wrong.

Make sure you don’t make the exact same mistake.

For example, if he finds it annoying when he is disturbed during his “me-time“, then leave him alone as much as you can.

Is his wife the CEO of a company and someone who never needs help with anything?

Then ask him if he could help you fix something for you. Even something stupid like a broken bike or hang up a mirror works like a charm.

Mention a common problem in the 3rd person

Before I advised you not to participate in the dialog when he’s complaining about his wife.

But one thing you can say to grow in his eyes is to make him understand that you know how he feels.

For example, you could say something about another relationship like this:

Have you seen Sarah and David? I think David is going completely crazy because Sarah never lets him be alone. It’s not good for him if they’re always together.

Make sure it’s something he can agree with perfectly.

He will subconsciously come to the conclusion that you “are not like that”. And that you are “amazing compared to Sarah and David – and him and his wife.

Tip 10: Reward him when he pays you attention

10 Things You Should Know When Dating a Married Man 10

In order to maximize the chances of him continuing to give you his time, it’s important to make this attractive to him.

I know, I know. You are in a relationship with him.

But let’s be honest:

It’s still a very uncertain situation.

As long as a man still has another woman somewhere, and she doesn’t know about you, you will never know for sure where you stand.

Surprise him positively every time he does something sweet for you

No, not “just for the sake of it” or in an attempt to take him from his wife.

You have already read in a previous tip that this doesn’t work.

But it works in your favor if you give him a present every time he makes time for you.

Not a literal present but as a figure of speech.

Make him feel good about himself every time he sees you

I have previously written a long article about 13 ways to surprise a man.

These are different things you can do to make him feel good about himself.

You can use these to mix things up and reward him when he has done something special for you.

Simply by doing a kind gesture.

Because when he recognizes that putting time and energy into you gives him something rewarding, then it’s a greater chance that he’ll continue to see you.

It’s as simple as that.

These were my 10 tips for when you are dating or having an affair with a married man

I know it’s difficult. Everyone is giving you the evil look and they all want to judge you.

But it’s like this:

If you are in love with a married man and it’s you think he’s the one, don’t give up.



You might like these articles:

1 thought on “10 Things You Should Know When Dating a Married Man”

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

Are You Making These 5 Texting Mistakes?

Discover the 5 texting mistakes that scare men away (almost every woman makes 1... or more of them!)

About Tim &

Tim Veninga is a dating coach, relationship coach and social psychology bestseller author from the Netherlands.  He has been featured in media like Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Marie Claire & Elle.

Hi, I’m Tim Veninga. Since 2008 I’ve been coaching men and women to archieve succes and happiness in their love lives.

For years I’ve only been writing in Dutch, but in 2019 I started writing in English as well after many women asked for it.

If you want to get started learning the best of my advice, I recommend you download the 5 texting mistakes most women make.

Most Popular On This Site:

Are You Making These 5 Texting Mistakes?

Discover the 5 texting mistakes that scare men away (almost every woman makes 1... or more of them!)

Enter your email below and receive my free report with the 5 texting mistakes noW!

Browse topics:

Scroll to Top

Almost done! Fill in this form and you'll get instant access:

Fill in your email below to receive the 5 Texting Mistakes now