101 Great Questions To Get To Know Each Other Better

101 Great Questions To Get To Know Each Other Better

Questions to ask a guy

In this article you will learn:

  • A scientifically proven questionnaire with 36 questions that make people fall in love.
  • Flirty, funny and deep questions to get to know him, and each other more passionately.
  • How a questions game can help you form a deeper connection with someone.
  • 34 things you can ask to get to know his inner personality. (Works great both on a date and in your relationship.)
  • The “Lilla” list of 31 crazy questions to break the ice, and get to know each other better on a date.

How to get to know someone better by asking flirty, funny and deep questions

Couple talkSo you want to get to know him better? That’s cool.

But sometimes that’s more difficult than it seems.

Because at times, you simply don’t know what to ask a guy to really get to know him better.

Let’s say that you’re on a first date and you’ve covered the standards. You know what he does for a living and what his hobbies are.

But then the conversation dies off a little bit. Maybe you don’t know what to say, or the answers he gives are not all that interesting.

Use this First Aid Kit with 101 get-to-know-you questions

First Aid Kit

Here is a first aid kit for you. A list that’s always available whenever you need them.

You can use them when you are on a date, chatting with a guy online, or if you want to get to know each other better in your relationship.

I’m sure you’ve had moments in your life when you’ve had an incredibly boring conversation with a guy. You know how uncomfortable that can be. But with this list, you have plenty to talk about for weeks.

One great way of using them is as an icebreaker or questions game.

For example, you can take turns asking each other a question to get to know each other more passionately. That’s quite a fun game to play on dates or also at home with your man.

But before I start with the list, I have to mention something.

If you often suffer from uncomfortable dates or superficial conversations, it may be due to asking the wrong things.

For many people, a date then turns into a job interview where all kinds of facts are discussed.

This is because people often ask the following type of questions:

  • About work
  • About facts (such as your favorite restaurant, etc)
  • Or about hobbies

What’s the problem with these topics?

Not that much in theory. But the thing is that everyone always asks about these topics, and the conversation doesn’t move forward.

And you don’t really get to know each other better by asking them.

If you want to do that, you need to be asking the right questions.

You will have a much more exciting conversation with him when you talk about:

  • Passions and dreams
  • (Crazy) Character attributes
  • Desires and wishes

Actually, all questions regarding his personality work very well. When you talk about these subjects you get to know each other on a deeper level, and you build a connection faster. It also makes for a much more fun conversation.

Don’t worry if you don’t think men want to talk about these things, we love to talk about ourselves.

And to help you get started, here are 101 questions that you can ask him.

The “Arthur Aron” list: 36 questions that can make you fall in love

Couple says goodbyeIt may sound a little crazy, but this is a questionnaire that can make you fall in love with someone. Psychologist Arthur Aron used this questionnaire to make two people fall in love in his laboratory.

He came up with this experiment:

You sit across from the other person and ask each other 36 questions.

The idea behind it is that you get to know each other better because you both have to open up and be vulnerable. The last part of the test is to look at each other in the eyes for four minutes.

One thing that happened is that a number of his test subjects actually got into a relationship afterward.

Since then, this list has been used in hundreds of studies and become world-famous. A reporter from the New York Times recently said that she fell in love with someone by using these questions.

Cool, right?

The love questions are listed below. They’re divided into three sets, each of which is a little more intimate than the previous one.

But beware. It’s scary how well this works, and there’s a good chance that you’ll fall in love (over 50% do in some studies).

 Here are the 36 questions that can make you fall in love:

  1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
  2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
  3. Before you call someone, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why?
  4. What would a perfect day look like for you?
  5. When did you last sing to yourself? Or to someone else?
  6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or the body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
  7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you’ll die?
  8. Name three things you and your partner have in common.
  9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
  10. If you could change the way you were raised, what would it be?
  11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
  12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?
  13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
  14. Is there something you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
  15. What’s the greatest achievement of your life?
  16. What do you value most in a friendship?
  17. If you had to choose one, what’s your most treasured memory?
  18. What’s your most terrible memory?
  19. If you knew that in a year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you’re now living? Why?
  20. What does friendship mean to you?
  21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
  22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five things.
  23. How close and warm was your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
  24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
  25. Make three true “we” statements each. For example, “We’re both in this room and feeling…”
  26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”
  27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
  28. Tell your partner what you like about them. Be very honest, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
  29. Share an embarrassing moment in your life.
  30. When did you last cry in front of someone else? When by yourself?
  31. Tell your partner something you already like about him/her.
  32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
  33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told him/her yet?
  34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to save one more thing. What would it be and why?
  35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find the most disturbing, and why?
  36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he/she would handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect on how you seem to be feeling about the problem you’ve chosen.

If you want more advice on how to make him fall in love, read this article.

The Proust questionnaire: 34 questions to get to know each other’s personalities better

Woman gives attention to manAlthough its name would suggest it, Proust (a famous writer) did not create this list himself.

But Proust’s answers became quite famous when he penned them at the end of the 19th century, in a friend’s confession book (similar to the friendship books that children still use).

Some of these may be a little dark, and it’s better to leave those out during your first date. But a lot of them are fun, and also work great online with Tinder and other dating apps.

 Here is Proust’s list:

  1. What do you think falls below the lowest point of sadness?
  2. Where would you most like to live?
  3. What do you think perfect happiness is?
  4. What’s your idea of being naturally happy?
  5. What mistakes would you admit the most?
  6. Who are your favorite fictional heroes?
  7. Who are your favorite historical characters?
  8. Who are your favorite heroes in real life?
  9. Who’s your favorite painter?
  10. Who’s your favorite musician?
  11. What quality in a man do you admire the most?
  12. What quality in a woman do you admire the most?
  13. What’s your favorite occupation?
  14. What would you have liked to be?
  15. What’s the most distinct of your traits?
  16. What do you value most in a friendship?
  17. What’s your biggest defect or flaw?
  18. In your mind, what would be the biggest setback?
  19. What would you most like to be?
  20. What’s your favorite color?
  21. What’s your favorite flower?
  22. What’s your favorite bird?
  23. On what occasion do you lie?
  24. What do you most dislike about your appearance?
  25. Who are your favorite writers?<
  26. What are your favorite names?
  27. What’s your greatest fear?
  28. What do you hate the most?
  29. Which historical figures do you despise the most?
  30. What event in military history do you admire the most?
  31. Which talent would you most like to have?
  32. How would you like to die?
  33. What’s your current state of mind?
  34. What’s your motto?

The Lilla list: 31 questions to get to know each other better on a date

Couple on a date

This list is my personal favorite. Lilla is a friend of mine who always comes up with the craziest questions.

This way, she gets to know people very quickly, and another nice byproduct is that all men like her because they get the opportunity to talk about themselves.

These topics are a little lighter than the ones from the first two lists, and therefore more suitable for things to talk about on a first date. I’ve been using her list for several years now, and every time I don’t know what to say, or when the conversation gets a little boring on a date, I use them.

This list not only helps you to get to know someone better, but it also leads to an exciting conversation every time.

 Here are the 31 first date questions:

  • What would you like to have done more of this year?
  • Do you prefer a private plane or a private island? And why?
  • Do you think you could kill somebody if you were sure you’d get away with it?
  • How do you think a writer would describe you in a novel?
  • What’s your weirdest dream ever?
  • Is there something you’d like everyone to know about you?
  • What if you had to choose between:
    – Knowing when you die / knowing how you die
    – Being able to read thoughts / travel through time
    – Traveling at light speed / being invisible
    – Being immortal / being able to be reborn as someone else
  • If you were God for one day, what would you do?
  • If you could control people with your thoughts, how would you use that power?
  • Would you rather…
    – Have a football stadium named after you or a university?
    – Have your greatest wish fulfilled or your greatest question answered?
    – Be a millionaire or a ninja?
    – Go on with your current life or start again with your life?
    – Have the ability to control people and objects with your mind or the ability to look into the future?
    – Be happy for the rest of your life or live much longer?
  • Where would you rather go on holiday, Hawaii or Alaska? Why?
  • What habit of yours are you most proud of?
  • What does your perfect pizza look like?
  • What question do you most hate to answer?
  • If you were to describe your life in three words, what words would you choose?
  • Did you meet anyone this year who’s changed you?
  • Have you ever had a huge wish or dream that you couldn’t fulfill yourself?
  • Which word best describes you: a giver or a taker?
  • What’s the easiest thing in your life right now?
  • What makes you most happy right now?
  • Do you think humans and animals are equal?
  • Have you ever made a list of things you want to do before you die? What’s the first thing on that list?
  • If you were to describe your life with five pictures, what pictures would you choose?

Before you go on your date with him, I recommend that you check out the 27 must-know first date tips for women to easily get the guy.

Well, now you should have enough things to talk about for a while… but watch out for these things:

Don’t sit on your next date with a paper questionnaire.

And don’t just fire questions at him the whole time either.

I understand that you probably know this, but it needed to be said. Just to be on the safe side;)

Do this instead…

When you go on your next date, keep some of the best ones on your phone, and when you go to the bathroom, have a quick look if you need to.

Have fun!

And of course, don’t forget to let me know in the comments how your date went ;).


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2 thoughts on “101 Great Questions To Get To Know Each Other Better”

  1. hey actually someone used to love me but i paid no interest and now i guess i am in love with him and he is not paying interest what should i do

  2. What if d guy in question u once crushed on and nothing happened after a long time and now the guy is asking u out for a date… What do u do in such situations

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Tim Veninga is a dating coach, relationship coach and social psychology bestseller author from the Netherlands.  He has been featured in media like Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Marie Claire & Elle.

Hi, I’m Tim Veninga. Since 2008 I’ve been coaching men and women to archieve succes and happiness in their love lives.

For years I’ve only been writing in Dutch, but in 2019 I started writing in English as well after many women asked for it.

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