How to make sure the guy on your first date quickly realizes on you date how amazing you are – and WANTS to keep seeing you…
So you have a first date planned, and this can be very exciting.
Here are some questions that might be running through your mind.
What are some good things to do on first dates?
What things should I not do?
Where to go on our first date?
What are the things to watch out for?
How to act on a first date?
So a lot of questions you want to have answered rather quickly.
In this article, I share my 27 best working ideas and first date tips for women. And what things to do and not to do on your first date.
If you use these tips, he will most likely want to see you again. If you want to.
The first one is counted as one of the rules for first dates…
1. Don’t go to the cinema on the 1st date
This is the first tip I want to give you. And it’s one that I hope you’ve already known for a long time. But, every now and then, I hear that people are still doing it.
As one of the rules for first dates…
This is the fatal dating sin #1.
At least… after stinking and bringing up your ex, then going to the movies together is the worst fatal dating sin number one.
And in the category of…
“things not to do on a first date”
This is because you are staring quietly at a large screen for an hour and a half. At the same time, your emotions are constantly being stimulated.
So afterward when you’re:
- Completely socially flattened.
- Emotionally over-stimulated.
Then all of a sudden, you’re going to have a drink together and try to be social again.
If you used do to do this, stop. This is just one of those things NOT to do on a first date.
2. Pick a place that would be fun going to alone
You very often see that people do an activity on a first date when they have to focus all the attention on each other. For example, they go out to dinner together on the very first date.
It’s just a bad idea, because:
- You’re one hundred percent focused on each other, which reinforces that nervous feeling.
- You can’t touch each other subtly, so a lot of attraction gets lost unnecessarily (tip #8).
- You can’t get rid of each other; if it turns out you don’t like each other, you’re almost required to sit through the whole dinner.
In other words, pick a fun activity instead — one where both of you are relaxed and can have a lot of fun.
For example, do sports together like an obstacle course. Or you can go for a walk, take a bike ride around the city or visit the petting zoo.
These are some great examples of where to go on your first date.
Now I know that the last one may sound a bit weird, but it’s precisely these kinds of activities that will make a first date fun and unforgettable.
3. Be on time
Forget the “be late on a first date” advice you’ve heard from the magazines. Just don’t do it.
Would you like him to show up half an hour late?
Personally, I’m very strict about this. If a woman doesn’t respect my time, I’m gone in a minute. Even when she is only ten minutes late, it will leave a bad impression on me.
But Tim, I need an hour to do my hair…
First of all, it’s great that you are willing to make such an effort to get your hair right for him. But you know exactly how long it takes.
So make sure you plan accordingly and get the time you need before you go on your date. That way, you make a good impression on him, and you look beautiful.
This is one of the first date tips where you don’t want to take a chance on and maybe think I’m wrong. Because it’s just so unnecessary if you happen to miss out on a great guy.
Speaking of having a great effect on him:
4. Make a good first impression
“We judge books by their covers, and we can’t help but do it. This happens so quickly – just a small fraction of a second – that what we see can sometimes dominate what we know.”
– Dr. Nicholas Rule (Professor of Psychology at the University of Toronto)
Even though we don’t want to believe it, within a second, we’ll have formed an opinion about someone.
Research indicates that this first impression has an impact on:
- How reliable that one person is.
- How nice we think he or she is.
- How attractive we find that person.
And all of this happens in less than a second, even before you’ve said one word.
So it wouldn’t hurt to think carefully about the kind of impression you make on others. A first impression is not only about external characteristics but also about your attitude, what you say, and other things.
5. Make sure the date doesn’t look like an interview
You would think that asking each other a lot of questions to each other would be the best way to build a connection with someone quickly, right?
I admit I’ve been thinking this for a long time too, but that’s not the case.
Stanford University did a science experiment where a thousand four-minute speed dates were examined. It revealed that couples who asked each other the most questions to each other had the weakest connection.
It’s great to show an interest in him, but when you’re only asking questions, it feels like you’re interviewing him. And it’s exactly the same story the other way around.
I’ve got two for you:
- Only ask good open questions and avoid closed ones as much as possible. Open questions are perfect to make the conversation fun and exciting. (I’ll give you some examples of this very soon)
- Make statements. For instance, if he tells you that he lived abroad for two years, you can say something like: “Oh. How cool, you must never be homesick.” These kinds of remarks will make him feel compelled to respond, without you really asking him anything.
In short, make sure you alternate between statements and open questions.
…And another thing, make sure you ask him the right open questions. I’ll tell you what these are in the next tip.
6. Use these questions to make him fall in love with you
I know it sounds crazy, but every word of it is true.
If you want some ideas on what to do on your first date…
There’s a questionnaire you can use to significantly increase the chance that he’ll fall in love with you.
The psychologist Arthur Aron used these 36 questions in his laboratory to make two people fall in love with each other.
I can understand that it may sound a little hard to believe. And just between us, I had to laugh about it myself when I first heard about it.
…But when I found out that these questions had been used in hundreds of studies, I couldn’t laugh anymore.
A reporter from the New York Times revealed that she fell in love with a guy using these questions.
Now you’re probably curious about what these questions are, so in this article, you’ll find them and other useful ones.
7. Pay attention to your appearance
I know that you might want to avoid overdoing it, as I often hear from women that they deliberately don’t dress up too much.
This is because they think that dressing up is like trying too hard.
But that’s utter nonsense, in reality, it’s the opposite. Men are never turned off by a woman who’s taken good care of her appearance.
You often see this with single mothers who spend all day with their children. As a result, their appearance is getting less attention, and they’re starting to dress sloppier.
That’s just a shame.
I mean… the fact that you have kids doesn’t mean you’re just a single mom, does it? That doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to feel pretty and feminine from time to time, right?
Men take it as a sign of respect when a woman does her best for him. We really appreciate it.
So spend time on your appearance. It’s even better to be groomed a little too much than the other way around.
8. Don’t drink too much alcohol
I probably don’t need to explain to you that alcohol (if you don’t drink in moderation), is bad for your health.
Actually, I don’t even want to explain it…
But to be really honest with you, during some periods, I’m helping the vodka industry run well. But that doesn’t mean I’ll get completely drunk, or “drink to lose the nerves” on a first date.
If you consume a lot of alcohol, you won’t get a good idea of what the other person is like. And you risk saying or doing things you’ll regret afterward.
Therefore, just don’t do it.
Just stick to one or two glasses of wine or don’t drink at all.
You can always get tipsy together (if that’s your thing), on your honeymoon 😉
9. Talk about his dreams and passions
You often see that people on a date talk a lot about the present, where their life is right now, and everything around it.
This keeps it very superficial and dull.
If you want to have an exciting conversation with someone, talk about what their dreams and passions are.
It makes the conversation with each other more enjoyable. And it’s a lot more interesting to know than what’s going on at the moment.
Tell him about your passions and dreams, too.
It’s simply great to know and, at the same time, you have a much more enjoyable conversation than the standard “first date conversation.”
10. Watch what you’re saying
Well, I don’t mean that you have to analyze every word before you say it, or that you have to hide certain things.
But be careful not to say the following things too often:
- A little…
- I think so…
An experiment with a 1000 speed dates that ‘clicked,’ shows that you appear more insecure when you say these words often in conversation.
Therefore you want to avoid this kind of “hesitating talk” as much as you can. Uncertainty is far from attractive. Shyness is OK. Clumsiness is often even cute.
But uncertainty is not.
11. Turn your phone off or mute it
Now I understand that your girlfriends want to get updates on how the date is going. But your girlfriends/Facebook friends and Twitter followers are not invited to this date.
Let me tell you something.
Your phone also has an off switch.
As in: turn it off.
Too much to ask?
All right, then. Put it on silent mode and leave it in your bag. If you go to the bathroom, you can secretly check it.
There’s nothing more fatal to the tension and the energy during a date than a woman who’s constantly glued to her phone.
So turn off your mobile or at least put it on silent mode until the date is over. The world can wait. He cannot.
12. Show interest in him
It’s much easier to have a conversation when you show interest in someone, instead of trying to speak highly of yourself, hoping that he’ll like you.
If you show a sincere interest in him, then at one point during the date he will think:
“Hey, I have been talking about myself a lot, and I don’t know much about you. So tell me about yourself.”
And if that doesn’t happen, you know right away that he’s a selfish guy who’s only concerned about himself.
But a normal guy would get more interested in you because you took a genuine interest in him.
It kind of works like a scale. If you take an interest in him, he wants to make sure that the scale stays balanced. So he does this by showing the same amount of interest in you, and probably a little more. So you can get interested in him again.
13. Give him compliments
Men love compliments. Perhaps because deep down we’re in some measure just as insecure as women.
But perhaps also because we love nothing more than to hear when we do something well.
So it’s funny that men pretend that they don’t care much about a compliment when in reality we think it’s great to receive one.
But don’t expect him to jump for joy when you compliment him.
He’ll try to make a (very bad) James Bond impression and respond cool, calm, and collected.
And at the same time, he suddenly finds you a lot more fun than before.
This doesn’t mean you have to praise him all the time. But about two or three small compliments each time you see him is more than enough.
Bonus tip: After you’ve complimented him, it’s best to ask him an open question so that you can avoid a potentially awkward situation if he gets surprised by your flatter.
14. Touch him
It might be a little scary to subtly touch each other on a first date. But it’s just an effortless way to be more attractive.
And not only that…
When you touch someone, people see you as taller, more attractive, and trustworthy. (Don’t believe me? Check out this scientific study.)
It’s a shame not to use it. What you’re doing is this:
- Start and end the date with a hug or, if you feel like it, a kiss on the cheek.
- Briefly put your hand on his shoulder when he’s joking.
- Dust off his clothes in between conversations, you could do it even though there is no dust on his clothing.
In short, touch him briefly a few times during the first date, and you will increase the chance that he wants to see you again.
15. Don’t talk about other guys
Do you want to know a reason why a man never asks you out again?
Good, here it comes:
Talk about other guys in front of him, and especially about your ex as much as possible.
I know this may be the most obvious thing on the planet and you’ve heard it hundreds of times, however…
For some reason, some women don’t seem to get it. They keep doing it.
Look at it this way:
If you go to a job interview at Burger King, it’s not a good idea to talk about how great you think McDonald’s is.
(Oh, and if you’re negative about your ex, it doesn’t help either. Then we just wonder why he’s still on your mind.)
The solution is so simple that there’s no point in going on about it any longer. Don’t talk about your ex. You can tell a nice story about your brother, but leave out the other men in your love life.
16. Make some choices (Don’t be indecisive)
There’s nothing less attractive than a woman who can’t decide on anything. It’s not without reason that a woman without an opinion is one of the biggest turnoffs for a guy.
Because women who:
- Don’t have an opinion.
- Aren’t able to make decisions themselves.
- And who always say that they “don’t know.”
… Are not attractive to men at all.
Therefore, if you, for example, say that you don’t know if you want to have another drink that night. That will make you look very weak and insecure.
You’re actually giving all the wrong signs that you don’t want to give to a man.
So when he asks you something, just decide on something, anything.
At least don’t give him the impression that you’re a woman who can never make a decision, or doesn’t have an opinion.
17. A helpful fact to keep in mind
This is more of a reassuring thought than a tip, but I thought it might help you.
I read the other day:
“Women are much more selective than men when it comes to dating.”
-Dan McFarland, Ph.D., a sociologist at Stanford University
Dan McFarland is responsible for several dating studies.
The fact that he says this makes it a lot more credible. Besides, his finding was derived from one of his best-known studies.
Here is the bottom line:
More men than women want to go on a second date. This means that the chance of him wanting to see you again is considerably higher (especially if you apply all the tips from this article).
Again, this is a reassuring thought rather than a tip. But it’s a helpful fact to keep in mind during the date.
18. Avoid a too friendly vibe
What am I talking about? I’m talking about the “friend zone”.
A zone I hope you’ll never end up in. The reason people (mainly men) end up there is that the vibe between two people is too friendly.
In other words, there’s no sexual tension at all, at least not both ways.
Two things can cause this:
- He’s very insecure.
- You’re giving signs that make him think he doesn’t stand a chance.
If a man is very insecure, then you’ll probably be turned off by him. But when you give the wrong signs, he will be turned off by you.
Now there are a few things YOU can do to make sure you don’t end up in the friend zone:
- Touch him every now and then, more on this in tip #14.
- Spend time on your looks, read more about this in tip #7.
- Smile and make a lot of eye contact, more on this in tip #24.
- Bring his attention to your body by fixing your clothes when he’s watching.
19. Have an appealing and interesting life
Perhaps you think it’s strange that this one is included here. And maybe you even think it doesn’t belong on the list.
Understandable, but I’ll tell you why this tip does apply.
A first date is nothing more than a situation in which two people get to know each other better.
If you have a fun and fascinating life, the date is also much more fun:
- For him, as he has an intriguing and charming woman in front of him.
- For you, since this date is only part of your fun and exciting life.
And this may sound very simple, but it’s still true.
So make sure you have a life that is enjoyable and exciting.
Go and work out. Find and pursue a real passion. Sign up for a course you find interesting.
That is to say, make sure you live.
20. Be authentic (to a certain point)
It’s true that on a first date there are several things you better not talk about:
- The painful divorce of your parents.
- That you haven’t had sex for X months.
- The time you ultimately had a fall out with your best friend.
Do you see my point?
Right, you want to avoid this kind of heavy stuff, at least on the first date. But it doesn’t mean you can’t reveal anything about your personality.
I just want to encourage you to “be real and authentic.”
So if you’re a bit of a nerd like me, don’t be afraid to tell him this.
When he asks you something, answer honestly. Sooner or later he will find out anyway if you keep seeing each other.
And the moment you’re opening up and dare to be vulnerable, he will be attracted to you much more quickly. Just because you’re yourself.
21. Leave a trace of mystery behind
This tip is related to the previous one. So if you haven’t read that one yet, do that first.
An open attitude and the courage to be vulnerable creates a lot of attraction.
So, on the one hand, it is excellent to do this.
And on the other, it is great to leave a mysterious impression on a man.
This will make him want to know more about you.
In this case, it means he wants a second date with you.
But before that happens, you must have left a puzzling impression on him.
You do this by simply being vague. Don’t answer his questions with a very long answer where you explain all the details for him.
Leave some things unanswered instead and let him have to make an effort to find out more.
This way it’s much more fun than when you tell him everything right away.
22. Use variation in your tone of voice
Changing intonation and the speed of your speech increases the chance that he will like you. (Here are 27 signs that he likes you that you can try to pay attention to)
Or as Dan puts it so nicely:
“It signals excitement.”
His study even shows that a monotonous (and slow) voice in women made men feel more uncomfortable, and distant towards on a date.
With that said. It’s something small to think about when you meet.
Bonus tip: I have a very simple trick on how you can find out how you talk during an interaction: record yourself (earphones with a microphone and a smartphone is the only requirement). It may sound a little odd, but it’s the only way to really find out how your voice sounds during a conversation.
23. Once you’re on the date, leave your appearance as it is
Men love it when you look good and well-groomed on a date.
But women who are obsessed with their looks?
Um…we don’t like that very much.
By this, I mean the women who go to the bathroom during a date to do their make-up again.
This is taking it one step too far for us men.
It’s great when you spend time on your looks before your date, but in the middle of it, that’s too extreme.
You can fix your hair when you have to go to the bathroom. But don’t do your complete make-up while he’s waiting for you. Maybe this even makes him think you’ve left. So just don’t do this.
24. Bring your best smile on the date
By laughing and smiling, you’ll appear more sympathetic and more people will be attracted to you. How easy can it be?
Dale Carnegie, who devoted an entire chapter to this in his world-famous book “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, had this to say about it:
“Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you.”
With a smile, you show that you’re coming in peace and have good intentions. It’s kind of a white flag that is understood in every country.
In other words, wear your best smile.
Bonus tip: If you want him to be really into you, laugh at his jokes as much as possible. Men are pretty insecure about this. And when you laugh at his jokes you give him the confirmation that he (and any other man), is looking for.
25. Let him pay for you if he wants to, but protest a little
I’m a big fan of letting the guy pay for you on a first date.
It’s a good indicator to see if he’s interested in you. Furthermore, it’s always good to let a man invest in you. Whether it’s time, energy, or money, it doesn’t matter. Men always appreciate a woman they invest in more.
…And you know what? If the guy is into you, he’ll do this without a doubt. Men want to take care of the woman he likes and be masculine.
But you know what we don’t want?
If a woman expects it from us.
Then we feel used and think you’re a spoiled brat.
But if he proposes to pay the bill, just let him. Offer to pay out of courtesy and then leave it at that.
Don’t worry about him expecting anything in return. Some women think that. But trust me. We really do know you’re not a prostitute.
26. Make eye contact
Eye contact is the way to create tension in a man.
It’s perhaps the safest and easiest way to flirt on a first date.
And yes, it can be a bit scary in the beginning to look each other straight in the eye when you don’t know each other very well.
I get that.
It’s also one of the reasons I find having dinner together on a first date such a terrible idea.
Because it constantly forces your attention towards each other.
Instead, you can try one of these date ideas. There is enough distraction going on already. And it is not necessary to look at each other the whole time.
27. After the date – Wait for him to contact you
This is the last tip and it may be a bit of a difficult one. But after the date is over, wait for him to contact you.
Don’t be tempted to send the following cliche text message straight after the date:
“Hey, I had a good time with you. I hope we can do it again soon…”
Why isn’t this a good idea?
It’s much more fun for a guy if he has to start thinking about how to contact you again.
So just wait two to four days. If he hasn’t reached out after five days, you can take matters into your own hands.
But until then, just wait for him to reach out to you.
This is also a good sign of whether he likes you. And, at the same time, it’s much more fun for him since he feels he has to win you over (which is important on how to make him fall in love with you.
This is something that makes you attract the nice men and lose the not-so-nice men (read: desperate and wrong guys).
Here’s a great article on how to text a guy to make him fall in love with you.