How to make yourself irresistible and stand out from all other first dates he has ever had…
So you have a first date planned, and this can be very exciting.
Here are some questions that might be running through your mind.
- What are some good things to do on a first date?
- What things should I avoid doing?
- Where is it good to go for a first date?
- What are some things I should be careful about?
- How should I act on a first date?
So a lot of questions you want to have answered rather quickly.
In this article, I share my 27 best working first date tips for women, including what things to do, and what things NOT to do on your first date.
If you use these tips he will definitely want to see you again, if you want to.
1. Don’t go to the cinema on the 1st date
This is the first tip I want to give you. And it’s one that I hope you’ve already known for a long time. But, every now and then, I still hear that people are doing it.
This is the fatal dating sin #1.
At least after smelling bad, and talking about your ex – then going to the movies together is the worst thing you can do on a first date.
In fact, it falls under the category of:
Things NOT to do on a first date
Why the cinema is such a bad idea is because you are staring quietly at a large screen for an hour and a half while your emotions are constantly being stimulated.
So afterward when you’re:
- Completely socially flattened.
- Emotionally over-stimulated.
Then all of a sudden, you’re going to try to be social again. It never works out well.
If you used to do this, stop. This is just one of those things NOT to do on a first date.
2. Pick an activity that would be fun going to alone
You very often see people doing a first date activity where they constantly have to focus all the attention on each other, such as going out to dinner.
It’s just a bad idea, because:
- You’re one hundred percent focused on each other (THE WHOLE TIME), which reinforces that nervous feeling.
- You can’t subtly touch each other, so a lot of attraction gets lost unnecessarily (tip #8).
- You can’t easily leave if it turns out you don’t like him, as you’re almost required to sit through the whole dinner.
In other words, pick a fun activity instead — one where both of you are relaxed and can have a lot of fun.
For example, do a sporting activity together like an obstacle course. Or you can go for a walk on the beach, take a bike ride around the city or visit the petting zoo.
I know that the last one may sound a bit weird, but it’s precisely these kinds of activities that will make a first date fun and unforgettable.
If you want more inspiration then here you can check out my list of 23 first date activities and ideas.
3. Be on time
Forget the “be late on a first date” advice you’ve read in the magazines. Just don’t do it.
Would you like him to show up half an hour late?
Personally, I’m very strict about this. If a woman doesn’t respect my time, I’m gone in a minute. It’s highly disrespectful even when she is only ten minutes late, and it will leave a bad impression on me.
“But Tim, I need an hour to get ready…”
First of all, it’s great that you are willing to make such an effort to get ready for him. But you know exactly how long it takes for you to get ready.
So make sure you plan accordingly and get the time you need before you go on your date. That way, you make a good impression on him, and you look beautiful.
This is one of the first date tips where you don’t want to take a chance on and maybe think I’m wrong. Because it’s just so unnecessary if you happen to miss out on a great guy because of this.
Which leads me to the next point.
4. Make a great first impression
“We judge books by their covers, and we can’t help but do it. This happens so quickly (just a small fraction of a second), that what we see can sometimes dominate what we know.”
– Dr. Nicholas Rule (Professor of Psychology at the University of Toronto)
Even though we don’t want to believe it… But within a second, we’ll have formed an opinion about someone.
Research indicates that this first impression has an impact on:
- How reliable that one person is.
- How nice we think he or she is.
- How attractive we find that person.
And all of this happens in less than a second, even before you’ve spoken a single word.
So it wouldn’t hurt to think carefully about the kind of impression you make on others. A first impression is not only about external characteristics but also about your attitude, what you say, and other things.
So when you meet him for the first time, this is how you make a great impression on him:
- Stand straight with your shoulders back
- Look him straight in the eyes
- If he shakes your hand instead of giving you a hug, then make sure you give him a firm handshake.
5. Make sure your date doesn’t become like an interview
You would think that asking each other a lot of questions would be the best way to build a connection quickly, right?
I admit I’ve been thinking this for a long time too, but that’s not the case.
Stanford University did a science experiment where a thousand four-minute speed dates were examined. It revealed that couples who asked each other the most questions had the weakest connection.
It’s great to take an interest in him, but when you’re only asking questions, it feels like you’re interviewing him. And it’s exactly the same the other way around.
- Only ask good open questions and avoid closed ones as much as possible. Open questions are perfect to make the conversation fun and exciting. (I’ll give you some examples of this in a moment)
- Make statements. For instance, if he tells you that he has lived abroad for two years, you can say something like: “Oh. How cool, you must never be homesick.”
These kinds of comments will make him feel compelled to respond, without you really asking anything from him.
In short, make sure you alternate between statements and open questions.
And another thing, make sure you ask him the right open questions. I’ll tell you what these are in the next tip.
6. Use these questions to make him fall in love with you
I know it sounds crazy, but every word of it is true.
There’s a questionnaire you can use to significantly increase the chance that he’ll fall in love with you.
The psychologist Arthur Aron used these 36 questions in his laboratory to make two people fall in love with each other.
I can understand that it may sound a little hard to believe. And just between us, I had a laugh about it myself when I first heard about it.
But when I found out that these questions had been used in hundreds of studies, I couldn’t laugh anymore.
A reporter from the New York Times revealed that she fell in love with a guy using these questions.
Now you’re probably curious about what these questions are so here you go:
- Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
- Would you like to be famous? In what way?
- Before you call someone, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why?
- What would a perfect day look like for you?
- When did you last sing to yourself? Or to someone else?
- If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or the body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
- Do you have a secret hunch about how you’ll die?
- Name three things you and your partner have in common.
- For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
- If you could change the way you were raised, what would it be?
- Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
- If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?
- If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
- Is there something you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
- What’s the greatest achievement of your life?
- What do you value most in a friendship?
- If you had to choose one, what’s your most treasured memory?
- What’s your most terrible memory?
- If you knew that in a year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you’re now living? Why?
- What does friendship mean to you?
- What roles do love and affection play in your life?
- Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five things.
- How close and warm was your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
- How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
- Make three true “we” statements each. For example, “We’re both in this room and feeling…”
- Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”
- If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
- Tell your partner what you like about them. Be very honest, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
- Share an embarrassing moment in your life.
- When did you last cry in front of someone else? When by yourself?
- Tell your partner something you already like about him/her.
- What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
- If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told him/her yet?
- Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to save one more thing. What would it be and why?
- Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find the most disturbing, and why?
- Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he/she would handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect on how you seem to be feeling about the problem you’ve chosen.
This list is more than enough for a first date, but if you want more inspiration then check out my ultimate list of conversation starters and topics for a fun date.
7. Pay attention to your appearance
I often hear from women that they deliberately don’t dress up too much for a first date because they see it as ‘trying too hard’. And perhaps that’s something that has crossed your mind as well.
But that’s utter nonsense. In reality, it’s the opposite. Men are never turned off by a woman who’s taken the time to look amazing.
Men take it as a sign of respect when a woman does her best for him. We really appreciate it.
So spend time on your appearance. It’s even better to be groomed a little too much than the other way around.
8. Don’t drink too much alcohol
I probably don’t need to explain to you that alcohol (if you don’t drink in moderation), is bad for your health.
But to be really honest with you, during some periods, I’m helping the vodka industry greatly. But that doesn’t mean I’ll get completely drunk, or “drink to lose the nerves” on a first date.
If you consume a lot of alcohol, you won’t get a good idea of what the other person is like. And you risk saying or doing things you’ll regret afterward.
Therefore, just don’t do it.
Just stick to one or two glasses of wine, or don’t drink at all.
You can always get tipsy together (if that’s your thing), on your honeymoon 😉
9. Talk about his dreams and passions
You often see that people on a date talk a lot about the present moment, where their life is right now, and everything around it.
This keeps the conversation very superficial and dull.
If you want to have an exciting conversation with someone, talk about what their dreams and passions are.
It makes the interaction much deeper and more enjoyable. And it’s a lot more interesting to know than what’s going on at the moment.
And of course, tell him about your passions and dreams, too.
It’s simply great to know and, at the same time, you have a much more exciting conversation than the standard ‘first date conversation’.
10. Avoid these words that make you look insecure
Well, I don’t mean that you have to analyze every word before you say it, or that you have to hide certain things.
But be careful not to say the following things too often:
- A little…
- I think so…
In an experiment with a 1000 speed dates revelaed that you appear more insecure when you say these words often in a conversation.
Therefore you want to avoid this kind of “hesitating talk” as much as you can. Uncertainty is far from attractive. Shyness is OK. Clumsiness is often even cute.
But uncertainty is not.
11. Turn your phone off or mute it
I understand that your girlfriends want to get updates on how the date is going. But your girlfriends or social media followers are not invited to this date.
Let me tell you something.
Your phone also has an off switch.
As in: turn it off.
Is it too much to ask?
All right, then. Put it on silent mode and leave it in your bag. If you or him goes to the bathroom, then you can quickly check it.
Because there’s nothing more of a turnoff and fatal to the tension and the energy of a date than a woman who’s constantly glued to her phone.
So turn off your mobile or at least put it on silent mode until the date is over. The world can wait. He cannot.
12. Take a genuine interest in him
It’s much easier to have a great conversation when you take an interest in the other person, instead of trying to speak highly of yourself – hoping that he’ll like you.
Here’s how it works in your favor…
If you take a genuine interest in him, then at one point during the date he will think:
“Hey, I have been talking about myself a lot, and I don’t know much about you. So tell me about yourself.”
And if that doesn’t happen, you know right away that he’s a selfish guy who’s only concerned about himself.
But a normal guy would get more interested in you because you took a genuine interest in him.
It kind of works like a scale…
If you take an interest in him, then he wants to make sure that the scale stays balanced so he’ll take the same amount of interest in you (and probably a little more).
13. Give him compliments
Men love compliments. Perhaps because deep down we’re in some measure just as insecure as women.
But perhaps also because we love nothing more than to hear when we do something well.
So it’s funny that men pretend they don’t care much about a compliment when in reality we think it’s great to receive one.
But don’t expect him to jump for joy when you compliment him.
He’ll try to make a (very bad) James Bond impression and try to remain cool, calm, and collected.
And at the same time, he suddenly finds you a lot more charming and interesting than before.
This doesn’t mean you have to constantly praise him. But one or two compliments over the date is more than enough.
14. Touch him
It might be a little scary to subtly touch him on a first date. But it’s just an effortless way to become more attractive in his eyes.
And not only that…
When you touch someone, people see you as taller, more attractive, and trustworthy. (Don’t believe me? Check out this scientific study.)
It’s a shame not to use this to your advantage. Here is how you can easily apply it on your first date:
- Start and end the date with a hug or, if you feel like it, a kiss on the cheek.
- Briefly put your hand on his shoulder when he’s telling a joke.
- Dust off his clothes in between conversations, you could do it even though there is no dust on his clothing (DON’T OVERDO THIS).
In short, touch him subtly a few times during your first date. This way you’re increasing the chance of him looking at you as a potential partner (not a friend), and that he wants to see you again.
15. Don’t talk about other guys
Do you want to know one thing that absolutely guarantees that a man never wants to see you again after a first date?
Then talk about other guys in front of him, especially about your ex as much as possible, or other dates you’ve been on.
I know this may be the most obvious thing on the planet and you’ve probably heard it hundreds of times.
But for some reason, some women don’t seem to get it. They keep doing it.
Just look at it this way:
If you go to a job interview at Apple, it’s not a good idea to talk about how great you think Google is.
(Oh, and if you’re talking badly about your ex, it doesn’t help either. Then we just wonder why he’s still on your mind.)
The solution is so simple that there’s no point in going on about it any further. Don’t mention anything about other men to him, especially not your ex. You can tell a nice story about your dad or brother, but leave out the other men in your love life.
16. Be decisive
There’s nothing less attractive than a woman who can’t decide on anything. It’s not without reason that a woman without an opinion is one of the biggest turnoffs for men.
Because women who:
- Don’t have an opinion.
- Aren’t able to make decisions themselves.
- And who always say that they “don’t know”.
… Are not attractive to men at all.
Therefore, if you for example say that you don’t know what your favorite color is, or don’t know what your future plans are – that will make you look very weak and insecure.
You’re actually giving all the wrong signs that you don’t want to give to a man.
So when he asks you something, be decisive (on anything). Or if you aren’t sure about something, then express your reasoning behind it.
At least don’t give him the impression that you’re a woman who can never make a decision, or doesn’t have an opinion on anything.
17. A helpful fact to keep in mind
This is more of a reassuring thought than a tip, but I thought it might help you.
I read the other day:
“Women are much more selective than men when it comes to dating.”
-Dan McFarland, Ph.D., a sociologist at Stanford University
Dan McFarland is responsible for several best-known dating studies.
Here is the bottom line:
There are more men than women who want to go on a second date. This means that the chance of him wanting to see you again is considerably higher (especially if you apply all the tips from this article).
Again, this is a reassuring thought rather than a tip. But it’s a helpful fact to keep in mind during the date.
18. How to not end up in the “friend zone”
I’m sure you’re well aware of the “friend zone”.
A zone I hope you’ll never end up in. The reason people (mainly men) end up there is that the vibe between two people is too friendly.
In other words, there’s no sexual tension at all, at least not both ways.
Two things can cause this:
- He’s very insecure.
- You’re giving away signs that make him think he doesn’t stand a chance with you.
If a man is very insecure, then you’ll probably be turned off by him. But when you give out the wrong signs, he will be turned off by you.
Now there are a few things YOU can do to make sure you don’t end up in the friend zone:
- Touch him every now and then, more on this in tip #14.
- Spend time on your looks, read more about this in tip #7.
- Smile and make a lot of eye contact, more on this in tip #26.
- Bring his attention to your body by fixing your clothes when he’s watching.
- Talk about the things you have in common.
19. Have an appealing and interesting life
Perhaps you think it’s strange that this one is included here, and maybe you even think it doesn’t belong on the list.
Understandable, but I’ll tell you why this tip does apply.
A first date is nothing more than a situation where two people get to know each other better in person.
If you have a fun and fascinating life, the date is also much more enjoyable:
- For him, as he has an intriguing and charming woman in front of him.
- For you, since this date is only part of your fun and exciting life.
And this may sound very simple, but it’s still true.
So make sure you have a life that is enjoyable and exciting.
Go and work out. Find and pursue a real passion. Sign up for a course you find interesting.
That is to say, make sure you live.
If you don’t have too many things going on in your life right now, then think about what you’d like to do in the future so that he can see that you have goals, ambition, and something you look forward to. Those are all very attractive character traits in a woman.
20. Be honest (but not too honest)
It’s true that on a first date there are several things you better not talk about:
- The painful divorce of your parents.
- That you haven’t had sex in X months.
- The time you ultimately had a fall out with your best friend.
Do you see my point?
Right, you want to avoid this kind of heavy topics, at least on the first date. But it doesn’t mean you can’t reveal anything about your personality.
I just want to encourage you to ‘be real and authentic’.
So if you’re a bit of a nerd like me, don’t be afraid to tell him this.
The moment you’re opening up and dare to be vulnerable, he will be attracted to you much more quickly. Just because you’re yourself and you’re sharing something personal about yourself.
So when he asks you something, answer honestly.
You can tell him about your ‘baggage’ later when and if you get to know each other better. There is a time and a place to talk about it it (everyone has their own heavy stuff from their past that they’re carrying around), but it’s not on your first date.
21. Leave a trace of mystery behind
This tip is related to the previous one. So if you haven’t read that one yet, do that first.
An open attitude and the courage to be vulnerable creates a lot of attraction.
So, on the one hand, it is excellent to do this.
And on the other, it is great to leave a mysterious impression on a man.
This will make him want to know more about you.
In this case, it means he wants a second date with you.
But before that happens, you must have left a puzzling impression on him.
You do this by simply being vague. Don’t answer his questions with a very long answer where you explain all the details for him.
No, leave some things unanswered instead and let him have to make an effort to find out more.
This way it’s much more fun than when you tell him everything right away.
22. Use variation in your tone of voice
Changing intonation and the speed of your speech increases the chance that he will like you.
Or as Dan puts it so nicely:
“It signals excitement.”
His study even shows that a monotonous (and slow) voice in women made men feel more uncomfortable, and distant towards on a date.
With that said. It’s something minor to have in the back of your head.
Bonus tip: I have a very simple trick on how you can find out how you talk during an interaction: record yourself (earphones with a microphone and a smartphone is the only requirement). It may sound a little odd, but it’s the only way to really find out how your voice sounds during a conversation.
23. Leave your appearance as it is, once you are on the date
Men love it when women look good and well-groomed on a date.
But women who are obsessed with their looks?
Um…we don’t like that very much.
By this, I mean the women who go to the bathroom during a date to redo their make-up.
This is taking it one step too far.
It’s great when you spend time on your looks before your date, but in the middle of it, that’s too extreme.
You can fix your hair when you have to go to the bathroom. But don’t redo your whole make-up while he’s waiting for you. Maybe this even makes him think that you left. So just don’t do this.
24. Bring your best smile
By smiling you’ll appear more sympathetic and more people will be attracted to you. How easy can it be?
Dale Carnegie, who devoted an entire chapter to this in his world-famous book ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’, had this to say about it:
“Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you.”
With a smile, you show that you have good intentions and that you come in peace. It’s kind of a white flag that is understood in every country.
In other words, bring your best smile.
Bonus tip: If you want him to be really into you, laugh at his jokes when you get the chance. Men are pretty insecure about this. And when you laugh at his jokes you give him the confirmation that he (and any other man), is looking for.
25. Let him pay for you if he wants to, but protest a little
I’m a big fan of letting the guy pay for you on a first date.
It’s a good indicator to see if he’s interested in you. Furthermore, it’s always good to let a man invest in you. Whether it’s time, energy, money, it doesn’t matter. Men always appreciate a woman when they invest more in her.
And you know what? If the guy is into you, he’ll do this without hesitation. Men want to take care of the woman he likes,and be masculine.
But you know what we don’t want?
A woman that expects it from us.
Then we feel used and think you’re a spoiled brat.
But if he proposes to pay the bill, just let him. Offer to pay out of courtesy and then leave it at that.
Don’t worry about him expecting anything in return.
26. Make good eye contact
Eye contact is the way to create tension in a man.
It’s perhaps the safest and easiest way to flirt with him on a first date.
And yes, it can be a bit scary in the beginning to look him straight in the eye when you don’t know each other very well.
I get that.
It’s also one of the reasons why I find having dinner together on a first date such a terrible idea.
Because it constantly forces your attention towards each other.
There is enough distraction going on already. And it is not necessary to look at each other the whole time.
27. After the date – Wait for him to contact you
This is the last tip and it may be a bit of a difficult one. But after the date is over, wait for him to contact you.
Don’t be tempted to send the following cliche text message straight after the date:
“Hey, I had a good time with you. I hope we can do it again soon…”
Why isn’t this a good idea?
It’s much more fun for a guy if he has to start thinking about how to contact you again, and try to win you over.
So just wait two to four days. If he hasn’t reached out after five days, you can take matters into your own hands.
But until then, just wait for him to reach out to you.
This is also a good sign of whether he likes you. And, at the same time, it’s much more fun for him since he feels he has to win you over, which is a crucial thing when you want to make him fall in love with you.
This is something that makes you attract the nice men and lose the not-so-nice men (read: desperate and wrong guys).
Lastly – How to guarantee a second date with him
It’s very important that you don’t come across as desperate or needy when you’re texting with him. Here in this article, I reveal 17 texting secrets that will get him hooked and fall for you.
Have fun on your first date!
Don’t forget to let me know in the comments how it went.