12 Tips To Play A Player: Make Him Chase & Fall In Love

12 Simple Tips To Play a Player: Make Him Chase You & Fall in Love

A woman successfully plays a player and gets him to fall in love with her

In this article you’ll learn:

  • The answer to your question: “Can a player change, commit & fall in love with ONE woman?”
  • How to play a player and get him to chase you by beating him at his own game.
  • Why you should never start a relationship with a player if you are a jealous person.
  • How to find out where you stand in the relationship and what his TRUE feelings are for you.
  • How to make sure that you don’t fool yourself and waste your time on a man that can’t be changed.

Can a player change, commit & fall for one woman?

A woman tries to get a player to change and fall in love with her

This is one of the most common things women ask who are currently dating a player.

If you’re not yet sure if he’s a player then check out this article with the 19 clear signs that he’s a player.

Maybe you are one of them. Maybe you have fallen in love with a guy who is clearly seeing other women, Or you’re dating a guy who just gets a lot of female attention.

Maybe your girlfriends are convinced that he is a womanizer. And they try to keep you away from him. To protect you and make sure that he doesn’t break your heart.

Tip: Has the damage already been done? Learn more about how to quickly get over your ex. 

At the same time, you wouldn’t read this article if there wasn’t something good about him. He must have some good qualities that draw you to him.

And do you know the reason for this?

What is a player like?

Players are attractive

I’ve written about this before. Players and assholes have something that makes them attractive to a lot of women.

  • They won’t let you walk all over them.
  • They know what they want.
  • But above all, they have much experience in talking and picking up lots of women.

Because a player finds it difficult to start a relationship with one single woman, he quickly learns how to talk to girls very effectively.

And as a result, he becomes very good at it. So it’s easy for him to seduce you. And after that, you’ll likely be wrapped around his finger.

Many women have a blind spot when it comes to players.

Do you know for sure that he cares about you and is not using you?

A player can only fall in love in a very special circumstance


The characteristic of a player is that he sleeps with a lot of women.

But that doesn’t mean that a player cannot fall in love.

After all, players are only human. And it happens quite often. In fact, almost all players I know eventually gets tired of the game and decides to be with one woman.

But there is another more important question:

How does a player suddenly change?

It’s not that he suddenly “decides” to change, and then magically falls in love. And wants to start a family and live happily ever monogamous with one woman.

No, it’s actually the other way around.

It happens when a player meets a woman who he genuinely falls in love with, which makes him want to change his ways just to be with her.

If he is not really in love, and maybe pretends to be just to keep seeing you (and perhaps a few others), then sooner or later the relationship is going to fail.

So let me ask you this…

Is he a player, or just a guy going through a “player phase”?

A genuine player and a guy just going through a player phase

Every man goes through a phase when he wants to date as many women as possible.

But not every man is able to live out this dream. Because most men find it difficult to approach a woman, let alone pick one up.

But there are some men who succeed in doing this, and those are the guys that end up in the player phase.

This is a time where they are discovering the wonderful world of women where they date or sleep with lots of them.

If you meet a man who is in this phase, it doesn’t automatically mean that he is a genuine player

There are many situations and circumstances where it’s not as bad as it seems.

Suppose he:

  • Had a year of seeing many different women, and he’s just getting tired of sleeping around
  • Or just got dumped by his girlfriend after 6 years with her and is now seeing what’s out there

These scenarios are completely different than if you just met a guy at the beginning of his “5-year long player phase”. Or worse if he’s a guy who has stayed single for the past 20 years continues to jump from one woman to another without any sign of wanting to change.

There can be a number of reasons why he is a player:

  • He has a fear of commitment.
  • His sex drive is too high.
  • He is emotionally broken by a previous relationship.
  • He has had traumatic experiences during his childhood.
  • He has a big ego and he seduces (a lot of) women to fuel his ego.
  • He pretends to uphold the image that “being a player is cool” (under group pressure).
  • And so on…

It’s important to understand that behind his player image there often hides an emotionally broken man. It’s is not always the case, but often it is.

So it’s up to you to determine what kind of guy you are dealing with.

If you pay attention to what he’s saying, and how he’s treating you – then you will find that players reveal themselves more easily than you might initially think.

Before you think of doing anything with him you must first find out what his feelings are about you and your relationship.

Ask yourself the following questions:

Is he:

    • Investing his time in you and the relationship?
    • Spending quality time with you, and not just sleeping with you?
    • Willing to give up seeing other women to be with you?
    • Actually considering having a real relationship with you?
    • And if so, under which conditions?
      • Maybe he wants an open relationship?
      • Or a LAT relationship?
      • Or are there any other special conditions he wants in order to be with you?

A word of caution…

You are not the first woman who has tried to change him

Several women tries to change the player

All his previous women think they are special. That the player is in love with them. And that he will decide to dump all his other women and only continue to be with her.

But that’s what all these girls think.

Don’t be willing to immediately jump through hoops just to be with him

Just because I am telling you that a player can fall in love it doesn’t mean you should try to have a relationship with him. Or that you should trust him.

In fact, you should be very careful in how you proceed. You don’t want to get your heart broken.

A player can only change, commit & fall in love with the right person

A player has fallen in love with the right person

If you are seeing a player and you’re currently doing everything you can to change him, then you have misunderstood me…

It is much more important that HE eventually decides to give up his lifestyle. And he will only do this when he falls in love with a special woman.

With that said…

There are some things you can do to greatly improve your chances. And I will give you my 12 simple tips to get a player to commit & fall in love with you in just a moment.

But the odds are against you. Because you can’t force a player to fall in love with you.

Why you can give it a try, even if he’s a player

Let me ask you an important question:

Are you in love with this man?

If the answer is “yes”, then go for it.

But please don’t let yourself be used by him or do things that will lead to getting your heart broken.

Love is rare. It doesn’t just come out of the blue

And when you feel it, you should not easily give up on it. Maybe he feels the same way and might be willing to change his ways to be with you.

But at the same time, you should stay realistic and pay close attention to how he behaves and the way he treats you.

As I mentioned before, every woman who is dating him thinks that he finds her fantastic and that he’ll want a real relationship with her.

It’s important not to fall into the trap of thinking he’s in love with you, even if he’s giving you that impression sometimes.

What often happens is that a woman thinks:

“Oh, he gave me a compliment three months ago so he must think I am really special,”

Sometimes it’s easy to hear what you want to hear, and not look at the situation for what it is.

Here’s something to ask yourself…

How happy can you really be with this man?

A player in the bar

You’re dealing with a guy who gets a lot of female attention.

      • So if you’re already freaking out for finding a text message on his phone from another woman
      • Or if you are paranoid that he will cheat on you, then you better stop seeing him immediately.

Not because you’re to blame, but because you’re NEVER going to become happy with him.

You are in love with a guy who’ll continue to make you unhappy, because he makes you insecure

This means that despite the love you feel for him, you will never be happy with him.

It’s not wise to start a relationship with somebody who will make you feel like sh*t, regardless of how much you love this person. And if this means that you can’t be with him, then so be it.

Your happiness is more important.

A relationship should complement your life positively. And it’s okay to make small sacrifices to make it work, but not to sacrifice your entire well-being. Especially not for a guy who doesn’t value you as highly as you value him.

Living with a  constant feeling of paranoia is not one of the things you should accept to live with. You deserve so much better than that.

If you have decided that it’s better to let him go, then check out the 7 simple tips to get over a player or a guy who used you.

But if you are determined to give him and the relationship a chance, knowing the risks…

Then without further ado… let’s get into how to play the player and beat him at his own game.

Here are the 12 ways you can make a player fall in love with you:

A woman played the player and made him fall in love with her

1. Differentiate yourself from all other women

The absolute first thing you have to do to get a player to commit is to stand out and differentiate yourself from all other women in his life.

Show him from day one that you are not like all these other women.

Make it hard for him to get you.

In other words, make him having to invest:

      • A lot of time in you.
      • A lot of energy in you.
      • Perhaps even a lot of money in you.

When you’re trying to play the player and beat him at his own game

Make sure he has to use all his tricks to win you over.

This is something called:

The valuation principle

The more effort a person has to put into something, the more he or she will appreciate the thing they get in the end.

So let him do his best for you and do NOT under any circumstances make it easy for him. I’ll give you exact tips on how to do this in just a bit.

And if you follow my advice you will ensure that he will respect you more, value you higher, and most importantly, be different from all other girls.

2. Lead a nice and interesting life

A woman being happy single

Here is a fun fact about people: all the relationships you have are based on value.


If a girlfriend of yours no longer gives you any value to be with her, then you are suddenly a lot less inclined to spend time with her.

In other words, if you can’t offer him anything of value then he’ll quickly get bored with you.

It is therefore necessary to ensure that you always have high value in his eyes and that you keep it that way.

How do you do this?

Simple. By leading a good and interesting life.

This will make you feel more confident and become more attractive and of high value in the eyes of others, including players.

So make sure that you:

      • Exercise and stay healthy.
      • Keep developing and challenging yourself.
      • Do the hobbies and passions you love to do.

3. Put him lower on your priority list

A woman prioritize her life first and him second

We already discussed in the previous tip that it is important to lead a nice and interesting life.

So suppose you have a great life, then it is important to NOT make him your first priority.

This is absolutely crucial when you’re to playing the player

I understand that it can be tempting to go along with it when he sends you a message asking you to come to his place in the evening…

And he might even be great in bed and give you the butterflies in your stomach.

But watch out for this: This is often a sign that a guy is using you for sex.

So here’s what you should do instead:

      • See him only when it fits you and your schedule (not late in the evening at his or your place)
      • Do all your passions and hobbies first in the day, then if you have time, you can see him
      • Text him when you have time and not within 5 seconds of receiving his texts

And one last thing…

Never cancel your plans just to be with him.

If you do, you will hand over your power and he will know that he can have you whenever he wants.

So it’s much better not to prioritize him at all, so he will have to make a lot more effort for you and therefore appreciate you more.

4. Share your opinion with him

Have in-depth discussions

Do you know what really puts men off?

Women who never have an opinion about anything.

It’s such an unattractive behavior that most men will stay far away from those girls at all costs.

Except for players…

Players know that women without an opinion are easy “victims”. They will never consider having a relationship with such a woman, only sleep with them.

So if you want to make a player fall in love, it is CRUCIAL that you have an opinion and share your point of view with him about things.

And the funny thing is, that there are actually no women without an opinion, everyone has one. But some are not used to speaking up because they’re afraid to stand alone, or that it might be offensive.

So start speaking your mind to him, even if it might not feel “right”.

But just to be clear. I don’t mean that you should suddenly have an opinion about every little thing. But when he wants to know what you think, do not under any circumstances say that you don’t know.

Unless it’s some fact that you actually don’t know, such as the distance between Earth and Mars. You get the idea.

When you are dealing with players, it’s always better to be slightly controversial instead of indecisive.

5. Date other men

Woman dating other men

This might sound a bit strange and counterintuitive because you don’t want any other guy, you want him.

But remember, we are not just dealing with any guy, we are dealing with a PLAYER!

And believe me, he will not stop dating other women till he has a serious relationship with you (and even in a serious relationship you run the risk that he will see other women).

But there is something that will greatly increase the chances of him wanting to have a real relationship with you.

By seeing other men, he will almost feel obliged to make a choice between you and his bachelor life. And you achieve this without having “the talk” with him.

Because one of the best ways to make a player change, commit and fall in love is to date other men.


In general, players try to lead you on for as long as possible. But as soon as you start dating other men, two things will happen:

      1. You distinguish yourself from all other women, this will give him the impression that you are special.
      2. He knows that he can’t lead you on forever, simply because those other men are also trying to get you.

So the fear of losing you hits him.

And if he really likes you, he will do everything he can not to lose you.

This is a very simple and effortless way to find out whether he really likes you or whether he only sees you as a toy.

I admit that this can be rather tricky, but this way, you will immediately find out where you stand and what he genuinely thinks of you.

6. Don’t give him attention all the time

Turn your phone off or mute it

Have ever dated a guy who would sometimes text you several messages a day, and then you wouldn’t hear from him for days?

Or been dating a man who was very sweet (and romantic) one moment and the next moment he is ice cold?

It probably drove you crazy.

That’s simply because you don’t know where you stand, and the only thing that happens is that you want more and more of him.

But this time you are playing the player at his own game.

Drive him crazy and make him wonder what’s going on by:

      • Be willing to hang out with him for one day, and the next time you see someone else (more on this later).
      • Be really nice to him one moment, and the next time you’re ice cold.
      • Respond the same day to his texts, and the next time you wait a couple of days.

In other words, give him attention now and again and then take it away from him.

This conveys that you have your own life with great things going for you, and that he is NOT that important to you. Which will really bother him and hurt his ego. Making him having to get you to prove to himself that he’s the man.

This way you will ensure that he will go after you more and more “desperately”.

And once he finally wins you over, if you want to be with him… Then he’ll appreciate you more and value you higher, as I mentioned above.

He will be so happy for getting you that he wants to keep you in his life. And this will prevent you from becoming his “umpteenth victory”.

7. Have mind-blowing sex with him

A woman is having mind blowing sex with a guy. Making him want her bad.

If you ask women what players are after, every one of them immediately thinks of SEX.

And it’s somewhat true, many players have a sex life that many men look up to.

A player in general sleep with a variety of girls, which also means that he gets a wide range of experiences.

Not every girl or time is going to be amazing.

But because sex is one of the most important things to a player it’s important to differentiate yourself from all other women in the thing he values most.

And because you want a player to fall in love with you, the sex you have with him will play a crucial role in your “relationship”.

This is something you can use very cleverly, because the moment you give him the best sex he’s ever had, he will become addicted to you and won’t be able to get enough of you.

This allows you to take control of the “relationship”

And if now you might think:

“Sounds good Tim, but how can I make sure that I give him the best sex ever?”

Don’t worry, you don’t have to be a porn star or a pole dancer to give him the best sex ever.

You only have to be better than the average woman.

And to make things even easier for you, I have already written an article about this with the 17 things men want in bed but will never tell you.

These are things you can do to him that will immediately set you apart from all other women he’s ever been with.

He will literally become crazy about you.

8. Don’t always give him what he wants

A woman is making it hard for him to get her.

This tip is in line with the previous tip (tip #8), so make sure you have read that one before you continue.

Ok. Assuming that you are now having mind-blowing sex with him, there is a simple trick to make him want you for days.

What is this trick?

It’s simple, one moment you will have sex with him, next time you won’t.

That will accomplish two things in your favor:

      1. You will find out whether he is only using you for sex, and if so, he will no longer contact you.
      2. If he likes you, he will invest more time and effort in you, and we already discussed in tip #2 that this will make him like you even more.

9. Let him continue to play his game

A woman plays the player by letting him continue to play his game

You have to be strong when you apply this tip. But when you do this, you will grow tremendously in his eyes.

It’s like this…

Most women who start seeing him will immediately tell him that they want something exclusive with him.

And if there is something that causes a player to stop seeing a woman, this is it.

So by giving him the freedom to see other women, you will immediately stand out from all the rest of the girls in his life.

Plus he will want to keep seeing you, simply because you are a lot cooler about it than the rest.

You can use this to win him over.

So regardless of how hard it is, and how much you hate it… You must let him be able to play his game, at least initially.

10. Spend a lot of quality time with him in public

Couple is having picnic

This is another crucial one in how you easily stand out from his other girls.

Instead of only seeing him late at night at his or your place.

      • Take him to a birthday party.
      • Walk across the street with him holding hands.
      • Introduce him to your girlfriends.

In other words… Do normal couple activities with him.

And maybe you find it difficult to introduce him to your friends because you’re afraid that the relationship with him might not last.

“Okay, but what if he dumps me, then they will probably think that I am a great fool because I wanted to date an a**hole despite their advice against it.”

Well, this might sound a bit strange, but if you only meet each other at home, you will never give him the feeling that he REALLY is your boyfriend.

You want to plant the seed of this so that he unconsciously gets used to the fact that you are a couple.

And you can do this by taking him to a birthday party, doing a fun activity together, or by walking across the street with him holding hands.

Sure, you may run the risk that he dumps you and girlfriends end up being right. And they will probably say: “I told you he was a player and this would happen”.

But this is the ONLY way to make him really feel like he’s your boyfriend and to get him to change.

11. Challenge him

A woman challenges him and gets rewarded for it with flowers

Men really love challenges. And that is especially true when it comes to dating & relationships.

The reason a player often loses interest in a woman is that she is stopped challenging him and the relationship became too easy and boring.

This may sound a bit silly, but these types of men simply need something that makes them stretch themselves.

This is simply because players conquer a lot of women. So they have a higher standard.

The moment he feels that he has completely won you over, the challenge is over for him.

And that can only lead to 2 things (neither of which are good for you).

      1. String you along.
      2. Stop seeing you.

Either way, he will never want a real relationship with you

It is therefore necessary to always provide some sort of challenge to him when you are playing the player and getting him to fall for you.

And don’t under any circumstances make it too easy for him.

Because once he realizes that you are crazy about him and can no longer be without him, the chance of a real relationship is so small that I would be surprised if it ever succeeded.

12. Have fun

A woman having fun and spending time with other men

I admit that it’s not easy to make a player fall in love, even with the above tips, it still requires hard work.

Because on the one hand you want to know where you stand, and on the other, you know that you have to give him space and time to himself to f*ck around.

With that said…

The stupidest thing you can do is put your whole life aside and make it your life’s mission to win him over.

Instead, make sure you lead a nice and interesting life (tip #3).

Think of dating him as a fun adventure and make sure you enjoy it.

The truth is that you can never be completely sure with a guy like this.

And one final piece of advice from me to you about playing a player

Be prepared to leave him if you notice that it’s taking too long to get him to commit. And this is a lot easier when you consider dating him as an unimportant side project that you don’t put too much effort into.

If you’re not prepared to do what it takes to win him over, then don’t even think about starting it.



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Tim Veninga is a dating coach, relationship coach and social psychology bestseller author from the Netherlands.  He has been featured in media like Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Marie Claire & Elle.

Hi, I’m Tim Veninga. Since 2008 I’ve been coaching men and women to archieve succes and happiness in their love lives.

For years I’ve only been writing in Dutch, but in 2019 I started writing in English as well after many women asked for it.

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