In this article you’ll learn:
- The answer to your question “My husband is watching porn, should I be worried?”
- How to tell how severe his porn use really is, and if your relationship is in trouble.
- The true reasons why men (all guys) watch porn.
- How to get him to turn off his laptop, start showing more interest in you & bring back the passion in your relationship.
- How to know whether your man is addicted to watching porn, or if he’s just a normal guy.
The simple way to handle your husband’s porn use in your relationship
Sometimes I get emails from women who find out about this and ask me something like:
“My husband is watching porn, is this normal?”
This was also the case with Chrissy.
Chrissy emailed me because she discovered that her husband watches porn regularly.
And she wasn’t happy to find out about this newfound information, to say the least.
“Disgusting that he’s rubbing one out thinking about another woman when I’m asleep.” She wrote
She was rather angry, sad, and disappointed about the situation. But most of all curious about what got into him.
There are problems that can arise when a guy is watching porn
I will discuss these later in this article.
I’ll also explain men’s relationship with porn and what the fuss is all about.
And to top it all off I’ll also give you 9 simple tips to help you deal with porn use in your relationship.
Here
Tip 1: Accept the fact that every man watches porn
You might be a bit shocked to find out that your man is watching porn. Especially if he hides it, or is not honest about it.
You might feel like you want to throw his laptop in the trash.
But don’t do that just yet…
A few years ago scientists from the University of Montreal tried to conduct a study where they compared the habits of men who had watched porn with those who haven’t. But they couldn’t find a single person that hadn’t seen it.
“We started our research seeking men in their 20s who had never consumed pornography,” said Professor Simon Louis Lajeunesse. We couldn’t find any.”
So if you suddenly freak out over the fact that your man is watching porn, and you are worried that it might make him violent or sexist.
Stop.
Just because your boyfriend is watching porn doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with him or your relationship.
Almost every man watches porn regularly, even if they’re happily in love in a relationship for years. And most men are just nice guys.
So why do guys watch porn?
So to answer your question why guys watch porn.
First of all. Men are sperm factories with an extremely high sex drive.
It needs to find its way out daily one way or another. Otherwise, we’ll walk around stressed, uncomfortable, and not be able to feel good about ourselves.
So sometimes a man watches porn just to get a quick release and get back to feeling good and relaxed.
Most of the time, that’s the reason why men watch porn.
This can be the case even if he’s in a relationship with a woman and the path to having sex is harder or longer than just doing it himself.
For example, if his girlfriend is:
- At work and unable to help out
- Asleep and he doesn’t want to bother her
- They just had an argument or fight and the likelihood of her giving him sex is just not that high at the moment
Other times, a guy just likes to have his alone time and take care of business himself. Especially since it can take 2 minutes to immediately get him back to feeling like himself again.
The problem arises when the man prefers to rub one out over having sex with his girlfriend.
That’s a terrible sign. And catastrophically bad for the relationship, and for her self-esteem. For obvious reasons.
If you are wondering why your man is watching porn, then I would like to ask you a counter-question.
Is it because you are just curious? Or is it because you are experiencing some problem in your relationship?
If you are experiencing relationship issues, it might have to be because of something else.
Porn is not always as bad as it’s laid out to be.
There is even some evidence to suggest that a man’s desire and sex drive for his girlfriend can be increased by the “Coolidge effect“.
“The Coolidge effect is a biological phenomenon seen in animals, whereby males exhibit renewed sexual interest whenever a new female is introduced to have sex with”
Yes, it’s not the nicest thing to hear.
But scientists found a lot of proof for the existence of this phenomenon.
And some believe that porn can have a similar effect on your relationship.
And if that’s true then it would mean that your boyfriend or husband would be more attracted to you, and have more sex with you – because of the fact that he watches porn.
But what if you’ve lost the passion in your relationship?
Or you’re convinced that porn has replaced sex in your relationship?
I’ll get to that in the next tip.
Tip 2: The lack of passion in your relationship is likely caused by other factors
Some stories women tell me about their relationship situation are just downright poignant.
While they are doing their best to get their man’s attention, he is down in the basement watching porn.
Obviously, this is terrible for their self-esteem.
It automatically makes her wonder whether:
- He still finds her attractive
- She’s good enough for him anymore
- He’s cheating on her with another woman
- They’ll break up and that they’ve had sex for the last time
It probably won’t come to that.
There could be various reasons why your sex life have worsened
The lack of passion in your relationship can be caused by totally different things than his interest in porn.’
A man typically escapes into porn use when things are bad in the relationship.
Or when he’s:
- Not as attracted to his girlfriend (I’ll give you a few tips on how to bring this back below)
- Feeling dissatisfied with the relationship
- Having a decreased sex drive
- Very stressed out
- Depressed about something that happened to him
- Thinking about breaking up (or decided to do it)
In these cases, he’ll pull away and most likely start watching more porn as a way of getting his mind off things.
in this study, some men reported saying that porn use got “out of control” when they were dissatisfied in their relationship.
So a better question to ask yourself is…
How are you guys doing?
And
How is he doing, REALLY?
And don’t trust a word he’s saying because men typically will always like to be strong in front of their woman and never show any weakness.
If something is bothering him then I’d suggest bringing this up with him without any pressure.
Or remind him how amazing you are by seducing him and giving him a night he won’t soon forget. I’ll give you a step-by-step plan to do this very effectively in just a bit.
Look. Every single person eventually starts seeing the flaws and normal human imperfections in their partner.
At some point or another, the attraction for the other person is going to decrease. It’s normal and it happens to every relationship.
At that point, you just need to work to keep the attraction and the passion flowing in the relationship.
If he’s not as attracted to you as he once was – is there a reason for his? (Change of personality, weight or appearance)
Make sure you exercise, take care of yourself, do fun things together and have a varying sex life.
Now you know that all men who are in a relationship watch porn. But not all relationships get worse because of it.
I’m not saying it’s completely impossible that your relationship got worse because of his porn use.
This could be the case if he’s addicted to porn, for example.
But 99% of the time, this is not the case, and there is another reason behind it.
This doesn’t mean that I’m a big believer in watching porn. In the next tip, I will explain why.
Tip 3: Porn can affect him negatively
First of all, I want to tell you something reassuring.
Scientists have investigated what porn does to men psychologically.
And they found no evidence that suggests that porn makes men violent or sexist.
However, there are indications that some men who have little no experience with women and watch porn can get a very misguided view of what women like in bed because watching porn leads to unrealistic sexual expectations. That’s because they don’t have much experience of their own so they use porn as their sex education, which gives them the wrong idea.
It can also give him a very unrealistic body image of his sexual partner who can never look anything like the unrealistic supermodels he watches on screen.
With that said… Porn use for most men causes little to no problems.
In a moment I’ll teach you exactly what to do to solve the relationship problems caused by porn.
But first one thing you can consider doing together is to:
Tip 4: Watch it together
Do you actually know what porn your man likes to watch?
And do you never watch it yourself?
Then it might be an idea to watch some together.
Tell him you decide on what to watch.
And once you’ve done it a few times it’s his turn.
This way you can see what excites him
Perhaps you’ll even learn something new you can do to make it more pleasurable for him in bed. And vice versa.
And if you want you could also have sex with it running in the background, if you’re into that sort of thing.
If you are not interested in this at all, you obviously don’t have to do it.
But if you watch it together, you might discover that it’s not that bad.
And perhaps you can find a clip that excites you both, which can bring you closer together and open up other levels in your relationship.
Tip 5: If he watches something kinky, it doesn’t mean he wants to do it
Suppose you are checking your man’s browser history.
Or the two of you take a closer look at one of his favorite clips.
And they do things in there that you don’t think are normal.
Like women who have anal sex or who are treated very roughly.
This might shock you a little, or you might think it’s too dirty.
But him getting excited about these things doesn’t mean that he wants to do them in real life.
And if you’re thinking
“Hey, Tim. Earlier you said that one of the drawbacks of porn is that it can give him wrong ideas about sex.”
That’s right, for young men without any experience of their own.
But for the rest of all men know that some things are just fantasy and will never happen in real life.
So don’t immediately freak out if you happen to find something that makes you want to run away from him.
Tip 6: Ask yourself, how good is your sex life right now?
Let me ask you a simple question.
How would you honestly rate your sex life right now?
Because here’s the thing…
You can tell a lot about the quality and the state of your relationship based on how much sex you have.
If you’re still having sex fairly often it’s a good sign and his porn use is probably not that bad.
But have you completely stopped having sex and he is only using porn right now?
That’s a terrible sign, and something you should not wait to deal with another second.
If that’s the case in your relationship… Then here’s what I recommend you to do:
- Plan the perfect evening for him
- Make him his favorite meal
- Dress up in your best looking dress
- Seduce the crap out of him
- Give him the best night he’s had in a long time. And if you want some inspiration then learn about the 17 things men want in bed but will never tell you.
What happens after this evening is that you create an amazingly positive upwards spiral that works like this:
- You remind of how caring, loving and amazing you are as a person and how lucky he is to have you
- You remind him how great it feels to have sex with you again and so much better than doing it himself
- Both of you get the dopamine and oxytocin boost afterwards which makes you both feel a lot better
- And with this dopamine boost, both of you will become happier, more relaxed, and feel better so it’s much easier to talk to him
Keep the momentum and have sex with him at least 3-4 times a week. Do NOT break the cycle.
Sex has amazing natural benefits and sometimes it’s just what you need to regain the spark in your relationship.
Do it even if you don’t feel like it. Especially if you don’t feel like it. And even if he’s depressing to look at and doesn’t seem to do anything for you and the relationship.
And if you ask yourself why YOU should have to do all this for him, when he doesn’t seem to care?
Because you landed on this page.
You’re the one learning and reading about dating & relationship advice.
So it’s up to you to be the stronger person and do what it takes to bring the passion back.
With that said, he should do just as amazing things for you as well after all the nice things you’ll do for him.
And if he’s a great guy, then that’s exactly what he’ll do once he gets off porn.
Every guy needs sex to feel good about himself. Even though he pretends he doesn’t need it.
In the next tip, I’ll show you how to keep the fire going in your relationship.
Tip 7: Create more passion in your relationship
When you notice that your relationship is becoming a bit of a routine, and the attraction is not as high as it was, or that your sex life is not as exciting anymore.
Do something about it.
Break your daily routine by creating new, fun and exciting memories together:
- Go on new adventures together
- Introduce new things in bed
- Plan a romantic trip together
- Start doing an activity or hobby together
- Try out new restaurants
As I’ve mentioned before, every couple eventually needs to find ways to keep it exciting and not become boring.
That is why it is so good to take a critical look at what you can do to make your relationship better.
Tip 8: Is he addicted?
It’s absolutely normal for a guy to watch porn a few times a week.
It’s not even weird if he does this almost every day.
But when he doesn’t do anything else and can’t think of anything else, it will become a problem.
If he has a problem with porn it can make him:
- Spend excessive amounts of time watching (and forgot about his other duties)·
- Feel a craving for “needing” to watch porn all the time.
- Feel guilty or ashamed when he’s watching porn or after he’s watched it.
- Find it difficult to enjoy masturbation or sex without any porn.
- Find it hard to resist porn even when it affects is life or relationships.
- Feel like he’s leading a double life because of his porn use.
- Feel angry or upset when his partner complains about his porn use.
- Lie or deny his porn use, or rationalize it in another way.
- Watch more extreme porn to feel the desired effects (it’s like building up a tolerance).
99% of men don’t have these problems
Their lives are fine, and they watch porn without it becoming a problem.
But there is a small minority who develop an addiction that is difficult for them to get rid of.
If you think this is happening to your man, it is wise to encourage him to seek professional help.
Tip 9: Challenge him to take a break
It won’t harm any guy to quit watching porn for a while.
Whether he does it every four days or every four weeks.
If you turn it into a challenge you can decide on something fun like:
Quit porn for 30 days, and in return, you’ll have sex with him every single day after work.
It could very likely become one of the best months in your relationship, and bring you closer than ever before.
Men love challenges.
So don’t be afraid to challenge him to quit watching porn, just for a month or so.
Who knows, he might decide that having sex with you is way better and quit porn use altogether.
This was why men watch porn, with 9 simple tips to handle it
In most cases, watching porn is a very harmless activity.
If it’s not.. Well, then you now know what to do.
Love,
Tim
