Is He Leading Me On? 13 Clear Signs He'll NEVER Commit

13 Clear Signs He’s Leading You On And Will NEVER Commit

Is He Leading Me On

Here’s what you’ll learn in this article:

  • How you can discover if a guy is leading you on, or is actually willing to commit.
  • 13 signs he’s stringing you along.
  • What it means when a guy is leading you on.
  • Why intimacy can be a clear indicator to determine if he is leading you on.
  • What to do when you’re being led on by a guy.

How to find out if he really cares about you or if he’s just playing you and leading you on

He is playing you and will never commit


When you’re dating a man, it’s sometimes hard to figure out how much he really likes you.

I can’t tell you how many times women have asked me some variation of:

“Is he playing me/stringing me along or just taking it slow”

On an emotional level, men are clumsy compared to women. In most cases, he won’t tell you what he really feels. As a result, you’re not sure where you stand.

Some men don’t even know what they’re feeling. They don’t think a lot about it, and just see how things end up.

But that’s not what this article is about. Today, I want to talk about men who already know they don’t like you that much. But still keep seeing you for sex, attention, or maybe because it gives them an ego boost.

But how do you know if the guy you’re dating is playing you like this?

That’s a difficult question to ask yourself.

And although I’m not a mind reader, I can help you.

There are 13 signs to recognize if a man is stringing you along or just playing with your emotions.

How to evaluate these 13 signs

Keep the following things in mind:

  • I can’t read minds.
  • You always have to evaluate behavior in clusters. One, two, or three separate signs don’t mean anything at all.
  • The more signs you recognize in your partner, the more likely it is that he’s not having your best interest at heart.

Sign #1: He openly doubts if he wants a relationship with you

He avoids making it “official”

It’s pretty rare to hear a man say this.

But if he explains to you that he doubts whether he wants a relationship, and at the same time keeps sleeping with you, then that’s a clear sign that he’s stringing you along.

Consider this:

If he was really in doubt, there’s a good chance he would keep that to himself.

But a guy that does mention it is not afraid of losing you:

  • Either that’s because he trusts you to stay interested no matter what.
  • Or that’s because he doesn’t care if you leave or not.

Why he believes you’re going to stay

If you think it’s because of the first reason, ask yourself if this is a good thing:

  • Why does this man think he can waste my time, and play with my emotions?
  • Did I perhaps invest a lot of time on him?
  • Does he feel like there are no other men competing over me?

It’s useful to ask yourself these questions because he’s not being very kind to you. And to be honest, it’s not very masculine to openly doubt whether or not he should invest his time in you.

Sign #2: He doesn’t say that he likes you

He doesn't say that he likes you

This is another good one.

When you compliment him, pay close attention to how he reacts.

If you don’t get a good reaction from him at all, or notice that he tightens up and shows a very uncomfortable body language, then you have two possibilities:

  • You’re dealing with a very stoic man
  • Or he just doesn’t care

Of course it’s hard to only rely on body language since body language can mean a lot.

But if he never tells you he likes you, you can interpret this as a sign that he doesn’t like you.

Sign #3: He always sends you home after sex

He always sends you home after sexThis is a terrible thing that I always instantly unteach the men I’m coaching.

Men who only use you for sex and who immediately send you out the door after they finish.

It’s a trait among a**holes, players, and other scum. Who only take advantage of you for sex, and nothing else.

It’s especially true if he does a lot of work to get you home, and then right after he suddenly becomes unkind to you.

Disclaimer: The fact that you can stay the night is not necessarily a sign that he cares about you. Men who are good at pretending to like you will simply let you spend the night.

But if he does kick you out, it’s a very clear sign he’s leading you on.

A man who is into you wants to spend time with you outside the bedroom and get to know you. And after having sex, he doesn’t need to cuddle, but he’ll do it anyway because he likes you as a person.

Bonus tip: He may just be inexperienced. If so, you have to let him know that you’re not the kind of woman who “just shows up for a movie on Tuesday night at 11 pm.”

Sign #4: He talks a lot about his exes

He talks about his exes

Did you ever experience that? You are on a date with a guy and he begins to talk about his ex, and how nice she was?

If I were you, I’d run away fast. If that isn’t an option, or if you like him very much, at least be aware that this is NOT a good sign. (If you are asking yourself why you’re attracted to these kinds of men, you can read the science behind that here)

Depending on when it ended for him and his ex, it can mean that he hasn’t stopped thinking about her. And if that’s the case, it could be because it happened recently, or it happened a while ago and he still has strong feelings for her.

If he mentions his ex once, it’s not bad

But if he keeps bringing her up, it means something else entirely.

Why does he feel the need to speak about her?

And more importantly, why does he bring up his ex when you’re sitting in front of him?

A guy who really likes you will think twice about the things he mentions from his past. And every man with half a brain knows that you shouldn’t talk about your ex when your potential new girlfriend is around.

Sign #5: He doesn’t introduce you to his friendsHe doesn't introduce you to his friends

  • A man who uses you for sex, or as an emotional go-to person, will keep you away from his friends.
  • But a man who’s in love with you, or is proud of you, wants to show his friends what a beautiful woman he’s dating.

Men are show-offs. They have a big ego. When they’ve conquered a beautiful woman, they want nothing more than proudly show her to the rest of the world.

Disclaimer: it’s possible that among his group of friends, girlfriends aren’t introduced. Because it’s just a “men’s group.” It happens.

In that case, just shrug your shoulders. Then it’s not strange that he doesn’t introduce you.

So to answer your question,

“Is he playing me or is he serious?”

This is NOT a great sign that he sees a future together with you.

Sign #6: He doesn’t want to meet your parents

He doesn't want to meet your parentsIf he says no to your suggestion of meeting his family:

  • That’s because a guy who’s not sure about you, doesn’t want to meet your parents.
  • And a man who already knows it’s not going to work out, doesn’t want to meet your parents at all.

And pay close attention to how strong his emotions are when you propose this to him.

Unless he’s had a terrible experience in the past when he met the parents of one of his girlfriends, then there’s no reason why he cannot politely decline this request.

Is it a very clear “no” or does he give a lousy excuse? Then you can assume there’s more going on than what he is telling you.

Sign #7: Your relationship is unequal: he takes more than he gives

He takes more than he gives

A man who likes you, is a man who makes an effort for you.

I’ll tell you more about that in a minute. But this is an important rule to remember:

Does he take more than he gives? And does he not want to change this? Then he’s leading you on.

For example:

  • He won’t give you oral? Even if you ask for it?
  • He isn’t sweet and doesn’t do thoughtful things for you? Even if you ask for it?
  • And to top it all off: he will never help you out?

Then it looks like he is taking advantage of you.

Most of these things (especially chores), will never become a favorite thing for most men, but they’re willing to do all of it if they’re really in love.

Sign #8: He asks you for emotional support

He asks you for emotional supportMost men are not vocal about their emotional stress. So be careful when he is.

A man who’s stringing you along is more likely to see you as emotional support than his girlfriend.

And the guy who wants to be exclusive with you will always be a little worried to lose your respect (unless he’s very inexperienced and has only had a few girlfriends).

But when he’s not worried about what you think of him, that’s a sign he doesn’t care much either.

Most men aren’t vocal about their emotional troubles.

That’s because men can’t handle their emotions very well. They see it as a sign of weakness if they share how they feel. And they think you’ll be less attracted to him.

But when he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you, then he doesn’t care. So be careful when a man shares his deep emotions with you. And especially if he asks you for help to cope with them.

After all, you’re not a psychologist. You like him and want more support from him. Right?

So if you’re thinking

“Does he really love me or is he playing me?”

This can be a little bit tricky because it seems like he wants to connect with you on a deeper level, and open up to you when he is, in fact, taking advantage of you.

Sign #9: He doesn’t take you on dates

He doesn't take you on datesThis is a deadly sin.

If a man wants to see you but tries to spend as little time with you as possible, then it’s a bad sign.

If he really likes you, he’ll take you on dates. Or if he’s less inspired, he will at least do other things and do his best to get to know you better.

If a guy never takes you out, it’s a sign he’ll never commit to you, or that he’s just keeping you as his backup plan.


Sign #10: He shows no affection in public

He shows no affection in public

A man who is crazy about you wants to show it in public.

So if he likes to take walks with you down the street, that’s signifies something great.

Not every man is spontaneous in the sense that he wants to kiss or hold hands everywhere. But an approving look when you walk next to him, is also a form of affection. And that he wants to protect you.

But if he doesn’t show you any affection at all, it’s not a good sign.

Sign #11: The foreplay is very short

The foreplay is very short

This is similar to the man who sends you home right after sex.

Every man in the 21st century probably knows that women need more foreplay than men. And if he refuses to engage in that, he doesn’t care about arousing you.

But if he is into you, he will want to give you a lot of attention.

Here’s another exception for the less experienced men. When he doesn’t know what you need, it’s not a lack of interest but a lack of competence.

Sign #12: He has to “work the next morning”

He has to work the next morning

He makes this excuse, so he doesn’t have to cuddle with you. And so he doesn’t have to sleep next to you.

Watch out if he does this. He’s clearly playing you.

A man who has to work the next morning will still want you to stay the night. He won’t mind at all if he loses sleep over that unless he’s extremely ambitious.

Disclaimer: In case you just missed it: the fact that he lets you sleep at his place says nothing about how much he likes you. Don’t think of this as a sign that he cares about you.

Sign #13: He’s dating other women

He's dating other womenAnd he’s not hiding it very well.

Pay close attention when a man is evidently seeing other women.

Because if he’s not sure about the relationship with you (but might see a future together with another woman), he will be careful about revealing the fact that he’s seeing someone else.

But if he’s leading you on, he doesn’t care about that.

“Is he a player or really into me?”

This is also one of the signs that he’s a player.

He wants to try as many flavors as possible and he doesn’t mind to keep seeing a girl even if he’s not that into her. Or to give her the impression that she’s his favorite.

So be careful when it’s obvious that he is seeing other women. Otherwise, before you know it, he’ll be stringing you along.

If he turns out to be a player, then you can read here how to let go of him.

What it means when a guy is playing you and leading you on

He pretends to be in doubt, but in reality, he doesn’t want a relationship with you.

So he keeps seeing you and uses you for sex, attention, or something else.

That may be because:

  • He already has a girlfriend.
  • He just doesn’t like you that much.
  • He’s not yet ready to settle down.

So these are the methods guys use to play you and to string you along

Don’t instantly panic if you recognize two or three of these signs. Instead, pay close attention if you can spot several of them.

Take care of yourself and make choices that are based on his behavior, not what he’s telling you.

It’s hard to be lead on by a guy. But as soon as you let him go, then you can become available for another guy, a better man who’s more deserving of you.



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Tim Veninga is a dating coach, relationship coach and social psychology bestseller author from the Netherlands.  He has been featured in media like Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Marie Claire & Elle.

Hi, I’m Tim Veninga. Since 2008 I’ve been coaching men and women to archieve succes and happiness in their love lives.

For years I’ve only been writing in Dutch, but in 2019 I started writing in English as well after many women asked for it.

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