7 Simple Steps To Get Over Your Impossible Love

7 Simple Steps To Get Over Your Impossible Love

Get Over An Impossible Love

In this article, you’ll learn:

  • How to handle it when you love someone but can’t have a relationship with him.
  • Why forbidden love is so addictive.
  • The 7 steps to forgetting about your impossible love and move on with your life.
  • How to walk away from forbidden love and let go of someone you can’t be with.
  • And much more…

How to Deal With Loving Someone You Can’t Have

Too young, too old or too unreachable.

Impossible love is like an addiction. The feelings you have are incredibly strong. There’s a real connection. You can barely think of anything else.

Maybe your love is impossible because:

  • You already have a partner.
  • You’re in love with a narcissist.
  • You’re in love with a taken man.
  • You’re in love with someone who doesn’t love you back.
  • You’re in love with someone with a different religious background.
  • You love your best friend’s ex-boyfriend or husband.
  • You’re in love with someone who lives halfway around the world.
  • You’re in love with someone who’s too old or too young.
  • You’re in love with a relative (yes, this happens more often than you might think).

There are plenty of reasons why love can be impossible.

Rationally speaking you know you can’t be together. But your heart tells you something completely different

Dealing with irrational loveYour feelings are so overwhelming.

You have never been so in love in your entire life as you are now.

Sounds familiar?

Many people deal with having an unattainable love. If you’re not careful, those feelings can easily overwhelm you. Because that person is always in the back of your mind.

Let’s not make things harder than they need to be.

How do you know you’re dealing with an impossible love?

You probably know that your feelings cannot develop and grow into something real. Or maybe you’re still in denial…

But if the following symptoms apply to you, then you know for a fact that you have very strong emotions for a man, that you can’t easily get rid of.

  • He appears in all your dreams.
  • You’ve got intimate fantasies about him.
  • You miss him terribly.
  • You’re jealous of his girlfriend (if he’s in a relationship).
  • You think about him 24/7.
  • Your heart skips a beat when you think about him.
  • You constantly check if he has sent you a new message.
  • Your moments together are carved into your memory.
  • You’ve been looking forward to meeting him for weeks or months.
  • You think about him when you’re with your boyfriend or husband (if you’re in a relationship).

Here’s some good news: You can do something about this addiction.

But only if you really want to. It requires self-reflection and perseverance.

Are you looking for some practical tips to get over him?

Here’s how to stop loving someone you can’t have in 7 simple steps

Below you’ll find an easy step-by-step plan.

In 7 steps, you’ll learn how to forget about your forbidden or impossible love once and for all. And how to let go of him, so that you can open your heart for someone who’s more suitable (and deserving of your love).

Step 1: Recognize that the problem is largely with you

Recognize that the problem is largely with youThere are different types of impossible love, but the essence is the same:

You romanticize this man.

Honestly, you want nothing less than to share your life with him. But that is not possible. That’s why you silently cling on to the pain this causes.

It’s the only way you can feel close to him.

But in reality, your forbidden love is far from perfect

A “real” partner is not perfect. In a relationship, there are always things that happen that you won’t like.

You get into a fight. He is not romantic enough. You feel rejected. You get disappointed. And so on…

But your impossible love would never do something wrong, right?

This is how you think about it:

He will never reject me…

Our circumstances just don’t allow our love to blossom.


You’re in love, and you cannot picture anything negative about him. Your imagination and passion start to take on extreme proportions.

This is unconsciously a good and powerful thought. But unfortunately, reality is often different from fantasy.

This isn’t how life works.

Men are not perfect and neither is he.

The first step towards forgetting about your impossible love is to look within yourself. So start by taking off those rose-colored glasses and see the situation for what it is.

Step 2: View forgetting about him as something positive

Woman writing a list of things why it's positiveLetting go of a man you can never be with can be one of the best things that can happen to you.

Try and see what’s positive about it.

There is a simple and scientifically proven exercise, on how to process your heartbreak faster:

Write down what’s positive about the fact that you are no longer seeing him.

For example, think about the following:

  1. You now have more time for other activities.
  2. You don’t have to live with constant emotional pain and uncertainty anymore.
  3. You’re now available for someone else again, someone you can actually have a good and fulfilling relationship with.

And the list goes on and on…

Write down a list with everything that comes to mind. All these things will help you forget that person you can’t be with, and make it easier to accept that the “relationship” between you is over.

Step 3: Find plenty of distractions

Woman taking time for herself

Drowning in misery by yourself at home is not a good solution.

Instead, focus on your well-being. People often underestimate the power of distractions.

Live your own life, and start building new social contacts.

  • Go exercise.
  • Read a new book (or audiobook).
  • Take up a new hobby.
  • Try a new recipe.
  • Hang out with your friends or family.
  • Watch those movies you always wanted to see.

In short:

Go work on your bucket list. By saying goodbye to a man you could never be with, you have more time for better things.

Now you’ve got two options:

Either you use your situation as an excuse to become bitter, sad, and depressed. Or you transform that negative energy and turn it into something positive.

Step 4: Try to talk less about him

Try to talk about it lessThis goes hand in hand with the previous step.

If you skip this step, you won’t get anywhere.

Your love for him will only get bigger if you put a lot of energy and time focusing on it.

So by continuously talking about him with your friends, you’re only making it worse.

Don’t ruin your progress by continuously talking about him

Remember that your brain is extremely powerful.

If you keep repeating in your mind that you miss him a lot, you will continue to feel miserable.

And that doesn’t help…

The complete rehab to let go of an impossible love takes about ten weeks. Then your love addiction starts to decrease slowly.

Step 5: Be determined to give other guys a chance

Woman spending time with other menEven if you’ve decided to let go of the man you could never have a relationship with, it can still be very challenging.

Maybe he doesn’t want to let you go? It’s not unlikely he’ll send you a text message at the time when you almost forgot about him…

Here’s what can help you move on:

Pull the breaks. You need distance and time alone to get over your feelings.

Spend time with other men

And I don’t mean that by immediately jumping into bed with the first guy you meet. But simply by going out and socializing with other men.

One thing you are going to notice when you put yourself back on the market is that you start to feel beautiful and loved again. And you’ll be less dependent on that impossible love.

Once you put yourself back on the market you’re going to be texting guys again.

Make sure you don’t make these 5 common texting mistakes to drive men away.

Give those other men a fair chance:

Focus on the real men in front of you and push away your thoughts about that unsuitable guy. And please, do not compare them with a dream image of the perfect man who does not exist.

Step 6: Get rid of all traces of him

Get rid of all traces of him

Have you distanced yourself from him for more than ten weeks, but still not forgotten about him?

Then the chances are that you still have some hope somewhere, even though you know it’s not going to happen between you two.

So say your final goodbyes once and for all.

Saying farewell is different from distancing yourself.

It requires drastic measures:

  • Stop allowing daydreams and fantasies about him.
  • Stop responding to his text messages or phone calls.
  • Erase his phone number and delete him from Facebook and all social media platforms.
  • Don’t trick yourself into thinking he (or the situation) will change.
  • Don’t talk about him to your friends or your family anymore.
  • And of course, don’t spend any more time near him. Not even a tiny bit.

Whatever you pay attention to becomes bigger. The more contact you allow yourself to have with him, the greater the problem is going to be.

It’s time to stop that. So you can move on with your life.

Step 7: Put everything in perspective

Put everything in perspective
Heartbreak might seem like it’s the end of the world. But there are worse things that can happen.

One last piece of advice to wrap things up:

Take a moment and put everything into perspective.

It might feel like your heart is broken and that you can’t live without him. As if you are dying a little bit now when you are trying to forget about him.

But is that really true? Come on.

Hundreds of thousands of people deal with heartbreak every day. It is something that almost everyone experiences several times in his or her lifetime.

Now you know how to do deal with loving someone you can’t have

You might think your sadness is much worse and different from everyone else’s.

But trust me, it’s not.

It’s incredibly hard to love someone you can’t have, and try to be with a person that you can’t be with.

Don’t forget that people still die of hunger. Every day, people experience a lot more horrible things: bankruptcies, divorces, deaths, accidents, and terrible diseases.

Some people call this a “negative way of thinking,” but I’m a big believer in it.

When you compare your situation to much worse problems and scenarios, you will see that it is not nearly as bad as you think.

It’s NOT the end of the world.

Take your time. Heal up. And you’ll be alright.



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3 thoughts on “7 Simple Steps To Get Over Your Impossible Love”

  1. Thank you for your advice! It doesnt seem like a big struggle and I’m grateful for the help.

  2. This is helpful. There’s a problem with the first one though. Sometimes you’re not romanticizing them. Sometimes people try to see all the negative in a person to get over them, but that is not aligned with reality either. Someone could be perfect for you and you for them besides the thing causing it to be forbidden, like the person is taken. That’s the only reason needed. The person is taken. That’s the only reason needed. You don’t need to create a complex web of other reasons, especially if you start misjudging their character to make yourself feel better. It won’t work because if you find out any facts that conflict with the negative stories you’ve told yourself, your whole excuse castle falls to the ground. Also, there’s an element of objectifying the other person and feeling superior to them. Sour grapes is not enlightenment. There is a higher, more effective way.
    It is violent to another person to view them as worse than they are, and a friend said when she did that she just repressed everything and it still hurt. She couldn’t heal until she finally admitted to herself she has been in love with him. In her case, it had been years and he has trouble with drug addictions and the law, so that made it easier.

    Another reason why I disagree with the first approach is that if 2 people are taken and they are more compatible with each other in reality, there would be no reason to stay loyal. You might be perfect for each other. But that doesn’t matter. They’re still off limits even if you’d be perfect for each other and each other’s ideal partner.

    I do agree with the other points though. Focusing on other hobbies and work, getting to know other people or focusing on your friends and relationships with other people help. There’s no need to stoop to making the object of affection into an enemy or viewing them as a problem. People are still people worthy of respect and kindness, even if you are in love with them.

  3. Colleen Salmon

    I have been involved with someone who has been diagnosed with Bi Polar 1. I took the time to study about it in relationships and be supportive and never throw it up in situations. However irs become so extreme to the point its toxic. I cannot talk to family and friends or in any social setting he has extreme jealousy even if Im talking to my dad as he wants all the attention and it sets him off. He just gets up becomes aggressive and leaves.

    I have tried so hard and have been so understanding but there too many red flags and now my friends and family dont want him near me and its truely so sad and Im so hurt by his outbursts and the mean things he says. Then hes so sorry and in love and aplogetic. He has not been physical yet people are warning me that he might be.

    I need to now close my heart and listen to my head. I need to close the door and polietly shut that door.

    I know what to do yet I know its going to be hard. I let him in and opened my heart. When we alone everything is fine. He just cant be around other people, he finds fault in everyone.

    Im going to try and read your steps everday to help me move on. I really started to fall for him and wanted it to work. I just cant shut everyone out my life for him. We have tried and every occasion with other people be it family braai or a holiday away its always something and I just cant see it working. Im very sad and hurt. I even said we can do therapy together as he goes once a week. I wanted it to work. I know what I must do but its not going to be easy.

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Tim Veninga is a dating coach, relationship coach and social psychology bestseller author from the Netherlands.  He has been featured in media like Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Marie Claire & Elle.

Hi, I’m Tim Veninga. Since 2008 I’ve been coaching men and women to archieve succes and happiness in their love lives.

For years I’ve only been writing in Dutch, but in 2019 I started writing in English as well after many women asked for it.

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