7 Simple Steps To Stop Loving Someone You Can't Have

7 Simple Steps To Get Over Loving Someone You Can’t Be With

Get Over An Impossible Love

In this article, you’ll learn:

  • How to handle it when you love someone but can’t have a relationship with him.
  • Why forbidden love is so addictive.
  • The 7 steps to forgetting about your impossible love and move on with your life.
  • How to get over a guy you never dated.
  • How to walk away from forbidden love and let go of someone you can’t be with.
  • And much more…

How to Deal With Loving Someone You Can’t Have and Get Over a Guy You Never Dated

Too young, too old or too unreachable.

Impossible love is like an addiction. The feelings you have are incredibly strong. There’s a real connection. You can barely think of anything else.

Maybe your love is impossible because:

  • You already have a partner.
  • You’re in love with an ‘a**hole’.
  • You’re in love with a taken man.
  • You’re in love with someone who doesn’t love you back.
  • You’re in love with someone with a different religious background.
  • You love your best friend’s ex-boyfriend or husband.
  • You’re in love with someone who lives halfway around the world.
  • You’re in love with someone who’s too old or too young.
  • You’re in love with a relative (yes, this happens more often than you might think).

There are plenty of reasons why love can be impossible.

Rationally speaking you know you can’t be together. But your heart tells you something completely different

Dealing with irrational loveYour feelings are so overwhelming.

You have never been so in love in your entire life as you are now.

Sounds familiar?

Many people deal with having an unattainable love. If you’re not careful, those feelings can easily overwhelm you. Because that person is always in the back of your mind.

Let’s not make things harder than they need to be.

How do you know you’re dealing with an impossible love?

You probably know that your feelings cannot develop and grow into something real. Or maybe you’re still in denial…

But if the following symptoms apply to you, then you know for a fact that you have very strong emotions for a man, that you can’t easily get rid of.

  • He appears in all your dreams.
  • You’ve got intimate fantasies about him.
  • You miss him terribly.
  • You’re jealous of his girlfriend (if he’s in a relationship).
  • You think about him 24/7.
  • Your heart skips a beat when you think about him.
  • You constantly check if he has sent you a new message.
  • Your moments together are carved into your memory.
  • You’ve been looking forward to meeting him for weeks or months.
  • You think about him when you’re with your boyfriend or husband (if you’re in a relationship).

Here’s some good news: You can do something about this addiction.

But only if you really want to. It requires self-reflection and perseverance.

Are you looking for some practical tips to get over him?

Here’s how to let go of this person you can’t be with in 7 simple steps

Below you’ll find an easy step-by-step plan.

In 7 steps, you’ll learn how to forget about your forbidden or impossible love once and for all. And how to let go of him, so that you can open your heart for someone who’s more suitable (and deserving of your love).

Step 1: Recognize that the problem is largely with you

Recognize that the problem is largely with youThere are different types of impossible love, but the essence is the same:

You romanticize this man.

Honestly, you want nothing less than to share your life with him. But that is not possible. That’s why you silently cling on to the pain this causes.

It’s the only way you can feel close to him.

But in reality, your forbidden love is far from perfect

A “real” partner is not perfect. In a relationship, there are always things that happen that you won’t like.

You get into a fight. He is not romantic enough. You feel rejected. You get disappointed. And so on…

But your impossible love would never do something wrong, right?

This is how you think about it:

He will never reject me…

Our circumstances just don’t allow our love to blossom.

Right…

You’re in love, and you cannot picture anything negative about him. Your imagination and passion start to take on extreme proportions.

This is unconsciously a good and powerful thought. But unfortunately, reality is often different from fantasy.

This isn’t how life works.

Men are not perfect and neither is he.

The first step towards forgetting about your impossible love is to look within yourself. So start by taking off those rose-colored glasses and see the situation for what it is.

Step 2: View forgetting about him as something positive

Woman writing a list of things why it's positiveLetting go of a man you can never be with can be one of the best things that can happen to you.

Try and see what’s positive about it.

There is a simple and scientifically proven exercise, on how to process your heartbreak faster:

Write down what’s positive about the fact that you are no longer seeing him.

For example, think about the following:

  1. You now have more time for other activities.
  2. You don’t have to live with constant emotional pain and uncertainty anymore.
  3. You’re now available for someone else again, someone you can actually have a good and fulfilling relationship with.

And the list goes on and on…

Write down a list with everything that comes to mind. All these things will help you forget that person you can’t be with, and make it easier to accept that the “relationship” between you is over.

Step 3: Find plenty of distractions

Woman taking time for herself

Drowning in misery by yourself at home is not a good solution.

Instead, focus on your well-being. People often underestimate the power of distractions.

Live your own life, and start building new social contacts.

  • Go exercise.
  • Read a new book (or audiobook).
  • Take up a new hobby.
  • Try a new recipe.
  • Hang out with your friends or family.
  • Watch those movies you always wanted to see.

In short:

Go work on your bucket list. By saying goodbye to a man you could never be with, you have more time for better things.

Now you’ve got two options:

Either you use your situation as an excuse to become bitter, sad, and depressed. Or you transform that negative energy and turn it into something positive.

Step 4: Try to talk less about him

Try to talk about it lessThis goes hand in hand with the previous step.

If you skip this step, you won’t get anywhere.

Your love for him will only get bigger if you put a lot of energy and time focusing on it.

So by continuously talking about him with your friends, you’re only making it worse.

Don’t ruin your progress by continuously talking about him

Remember that your brain is extremely powerful.

If you keep repeating in your mind that you miss him a lot, you will continue to feel miserable.

And that doesn’t help…

The complete rehab to let go of an impossible love takes about ten weeks. Then your love addiction starts to decrease slowly.

Step 5: Be determined to give other guys a chance

Woman spending time with other menEven if you’ve decided to let go of the man you could never have a relationship with, it can still be very challenging.

Maybe he doesn’t want to let you go? It’s not unlikely he’ll send you a text message at the time when you almost forgot about him…

Here’s what can help you move on:

Pull the breaks. You need distance and time alone to get over your feelings.

Spend time with other men

And I don’t mean that by immediately jumping into bed with the first guy you meet. But simply by going out and socializing with other men.

One thing you are going to notice when you put yourself back on the market is that you start to feel beautiful and loved again. And you’ll be less dependent on that impossible love.

Give those other men a fair chance:

Focus on the real men in front of you and push away your thoughts about that unsuitable guy. And please, do not compare them with a dream image of the perfect man who does not exist.

Step 6: Get rid of all traces of him

Get rid of all traces of him

Have you distanced yourself from him for more than ten weeks, but still not forgotten about him?

Then the chances are that you still have some hope somewhere, even though you know it’s not going to happen between you two.

So say your final goodbyes once and for all.

Saying farewell is different from distancing yourself.

It requires drastic measures:

  • Stop allowing daydreams and fantasies about him.
  • Stop responding to his text messages or phone calls.
  • Erase his phone number and delete him from Facebook and all social media platforms.
  • Don’t trick yourself into thinking he (or the situation) will change.
  • Don’t talk about him to your friends or your family anymore.
  • And of course, don’t spend any more time near him. Not even a tiny bit.

Whatever you pay attention to becomes bigger. The more contact you allow yourself to have with him, the greater the problem is going to be.

It’s time to stop that. So you can move on with your life.

Step 7: Put everything in perspective

Put everything in perspective
Heartbreak might seem like it’s the end of the world. But there are worse things that can happen.

One last piece of advice to wrap things up:

Take a moment and put everything into perspective.

It might feel like your heart is broken and that you can’t live without him. As if you are dying a little bit now when you are trying to forget about him.

But is that really true? Come on.

Hundreds of thousands of people deal with heartbreak every day. It is something that almost everyone experiences several times in his or her lifetime.

You might think your sadness is much worse and different from everyone else’s

But trust me, it’s not.

Don’t forget that people still die of hunger. Every day, people experience a lot more horrible things: bankruptcies, divorces, deaths, accidents, and terrible diseases.

Some people call this a “negative way of thinking,” but I’m a big believer in it.

When you compare your situation to much worse problems and scenarios, you will see that it is not nearly as bad as you think.

It’s NOT the end of the world.

Take your time. Heal up. And you’ll be alright.

Love,
Tim

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Tim Veninga

Tim Veninga

Tim Veninga is the head coach of Change Him. In The Netherlands more than 155.000 women follow his advice. He has been featured in numerous Dutch media and magazines like Cosmopolitan and Glamour.
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