Mixed Signals From A Guy? 13 Signs To Find Out What He Means

13 Signs To Help You Understand His Mixed Signals

Mixed Signals From a Guy

Here’s what you’ll learn:

  • What it means when a guy gives you mixed signals.
  • How to understand his mixed and confusing messages.
  • How to easily recognize if a man likes you or if he doesn’t care about you.
  • The 3 factors that prevent him from starting a relationship with you.
  • What to do when you’re getting mixed signals from a guy.

How to finally understand what it means when he is sending you mixed signals

How to finally understand what it means when he is sending you mixed signals“He’s giving me mixed signals. What does he mean?”


It’s incredibly frustrating when he sends you mixed signals. You want to know if he likes you. Instead, his behavior only makes it more unclear what his feelings are.

One second he doesn’t want a relationship with you, the next second he does.

It’s annoying.

Neither men nor women like not knowing where he or she stands in the relationship, and because men are such poor communicators, you won’t get a lot of information out of him.

There are three reasons why he is sending you mixed signals.

They mainly have to do with your interpretation of what’s happening:

Reason 1: He’s confused

Confused man

In this situation, a man doesn’t know if he likes you.

Or he likes you but sees practical concerns about starting a relationship with you. In such a case, he takes two steps forward and one step back.

Or he’ll be nice to you at first, then suddenly push you away.

Reason 2: You like him so much that you ignore red flags

  • Woman likes manIt doesn’t matter if he texts you within two minutes, or keeps you waiting for hours…
  • Or if he only wants to see you after 9 pm…
  • Everything he does is viewed as great.

You’re so in love that you don’t see the negative signs. And all the positive ones are blown out of proportions.

The result is that you create a rosy picture of the situation and you’ll probably end up disappointed at a later moment.

Reason 3: You’re insecure

Woman doubtingAnother possibility (which is also common among men) is that you don’t know if he likes you.

You wonder if he’s into you when he doesn’t instantly return your texts. If he doesn’t contact you within 30 minutes, you panic, so to speak.

This is a lighter form of separation anxiety. Should you be in a relationship, this can also turn into jealous behavior. But for now, you’ll scare him off with that behavior. And that’s why it’s important to get it under control.

These are the three reasons why you get (or think you get) mixed signals from a guy

But that’s not everything. It’s even more important to recognize the important signals and that you interpret them correctly.

Because please do understand: men are terrible at communicating.

This can make it really difficult for you to understand what it means when guys send you mixed signals.

So in this article, I will show you different ways men behave. What these behaviors mean, and how these relate to having a relationship with a man.

Here are the 13 signs to find out what mixed messages from a guy really mean

So when you’re ready, start reading.

Sign #1: He’s doing his best to understand you

Couple talkingAs you know, men are not exactly expert communicators.

  • He’s not a good listener.
  • If he has a problem, he becomes distant instead of talking about it.
  • And he can’t talk about his emotions. Not even if you point a gun at him, throw five naked women at him and add a steak.

You both speak a different language.

And most men are lazy. They don’t need to understand women as long as everything’s relaxed. Watching a movie, getting laid, and they’re fine.

Deep conversations? Get out of here. That’s for women.

But there is one exception:

When he’s in love, he will immerse himself in you. That’s when:

  • A man actually wants to listen to what you have to say.
  • He overwhelms you with all sorts of questions.
  • And he does everything he can to connect with you.

Those are great signs that he really likes you.

Even if he sometimes behaves quite rude or is blunt to you.

Even though he’s trying to learn your language, it doesn’t mean he can actually speak it. Because as a man, he’s not very good at expressing himself. So don’t pay attention to how he speaks, but whether if he tries to or not.

Sign #2: He’s taking things slower than you do

He avoids making it “official”

Suppose you always take the initiative for things like:

  • Spending more time together.
  • Meeting his parents.
  • Potentially having children.
  • Moving in together.
  • Getting a cat.
  • Romantic getaways.

You might realize he’s less enthusiastic than you are.

If you notice that he doesn’t want to go as fast as you do, it can mean that he doesn’t like you that much.

Don’t let that stop you, yet.

His enthusiasm might increase later on as you seduce him.

If not, don’t stick around with a guy who doesn’t want the relationship to move forward. It only gets worse when you try to drag him along, while he digs his heels in the sand.

So pay attention to whether he takes the initiative to move the relationship forward, or if he seems to hesitate when you bring it up. Because if he is hesitant, then in most cases, it means he’s confused about how much he cares about you.

Sign #3: He talks about fear of commitment

He’s had negative experiences in the past

There are a number of reasons why men are afraid of commitment.

Some men have real commitment phobia, and there’s nothing they can do about it.

Have you heard him talk about the following things?

  • He had a girlfriend in the past who was terrible to him. If he brings up his ex a lot in conversation, it could also be a sign he still has feelings for her.
  • He’s never had a long relationship. Or he’s had a series of disastrous relationships in the past.
  • He talks negatively about relationships in general.
  • He’s not a player but just an inexperienced man who doesn’t know what to do with women.

Then it’s possible he has commitment phobia.

He might then send you mixed signals by wanting to meet you at one moment, only to suddenly ignore you the next.

Furthermore, when it comes to love and relationships, he seems to be confused, or that he’s not entirely honest with you.

His overall negative attitude towards relationships speaks volumes as well.

If he turns out to be a commitment phobic man, you can read here how to get him to commit.

#4: He talks about the troubles he sees along the way

He can’t see the positive side of having a serious relationship

Men are somewhat crazy creatures.

They can only think about having a relationship with a woman when they have everything in order, such as:

  • Their own house.
  • A good job.
  • A plan for the future.

However, he may come across a nice woman and decide to give it a shot regardless. As a result, he gets confused and will give mixed signals in the relationship, because he is in conflict with his own original intentions.

He foresees future problems

But even if a man has perfect plans for the future and you fit into that plan, you may notice that he is hesitating.

For example, because he foresees problems that could prevent the relationship from working out. He usually brings these up directly or indirectly, or you can tell by his past.

  • Faith. He’s religious. Religious men can have a lot of trouble with sex before marriage or relationships in general. This leads to confusion, so you don’t exactly know where you stand.
  • Age. If he’s older (or younger) than you. He doesn’t know if the age difference is acceptable, and will check at some point (or even at the very start) what both his surroundings, and what the people around you think about it. It can take a long time for him to get used to that idea.
  • Money. As I said before, men want to have everything in perfect order. When he feels that he’s not using his fullest potential, or he thinks he can’t offer you the future you deserve, he may seem ambivalent. Therefore you do not know what to do.

#5: Your friends notice that he likes you

Woman with a friendIf you introduce him to your friends, they can usually sense what he thinks of you.

However, many men keep things pretty close to the chest. So if he is a guy like that, it won’t be of much help.

But the mere fact that he and your friends are together is a sign that he’s relatively serious.

An a**hole, or someone who uses you for sex, would not want to meet your friends anytime soon.

How your friends can help you

Even if your friends haven’t met him, they come in handy to reflect with you on this. To help with dealing with mixed signals.

There are times when you’re high on love and can’t see that your potential boyfriend is not sincere. This happens when you’re insecure or really into him. As a result, you will try to interpret everything he says and does very positively, so much so that you might not see what’s actually going on.

Usually, your friends don’t dare to be honest. Certainly not when you’re very much in love. They don’t want to hurt you, even if this makes it worse.

So be brave enough to ask your friends yourself if they think he likes you, or if you’re imagining things.

After all, love blinds. Your friends want to protect you from the truth. But if you ask them for it, they usually want to help you.

#6: He spends as much time with you as possible

He spends a lot of time with you

A man who likes you will do everything he can to be around you as much as possible.

The more he likes you, the more he falls in love, and the more he wants you.

Does he want to spend more time with you, than you do with him?

Then you know for sure that he likes you. Even if he’s a jerk from time to time.

Conversely, men who don’t like you as much will keep their distance from you.

But don’t worry

There are plenty of ways to persuade men like this.

Whether you should always do that, is another question.

There are many situations in which it’s better to leave a man be. Not every man deserves to be loved by you.

#7: He takes you on dates

Man brings woman on a dateA man who really likes you wants to chase you. For him, it’s about the hunt, and to win you over time and time again. He needs that for his ego.

But somehow, men have become convinced that the woman who falls in love with him is an innocent angel. She has to have nothing better to do than to hang out with the man of their dreams and crawl into bed.

He hunts you by taking you on dates

This is the ideal way for him to do make an effort for you. Because his naive male brain works like this:

  • I’m out with a Beautiful girl
  • I’ll do my best for her 
  • She’ll like me
  • We’ll sleep together

During this phase, it’s OK to let him make an effort for you.

Because the more effort he has applied to win you over, the more satisfaction will he get when you sleep together. But that doesn’t mean you should make it impossible for him, because then he’ll get too frustrated and give up.

No, showing initiative at one moment and not showing it at another, is the right way to go about it.

#8: He doesn’t just want to meet at home in the evening

Couple on a dateA man who uses you for sex rarely does that at 1:30 pm on a Thursday afternoon.

No, he lets you come by at night and then immediately jumps into bed with you. Or maybe he’ll have one or two drinks with you. And if he’s in a generous mood, you can watch a movie with him.

A man who uses you for sex, or only wants an FWB relationship is NOT in love with you, and the chance that he will ever be – is very small.

If you notice that he only lets you come over in the late hours of the night, then it doesn’t matter what he says to justify it. Not even if you’re allowed to spend the night.

#9: He’s doing his best to make you feel good about yourself

A woman has a feeling that he likes herIs he willing to tell you white lies?

OK, I guess you’re not at the stage where you’re asking if that dress makes your butt look big. But suppose you were. Would he lie for you to make you feel good? Or is he telling the brutal truth, regardless if he hurts your feelings?

A man who likes you wants to protect you from bad emotions.

Not only that: he wants you to feel like you’re the sexiest woman on earth. For men, that’s part of hitting on a woman.

#10: During dates, it’s all about you

Man impresses the womanThis means he’s focused on what’s happening right in front of him.

Even if you tell a boring story about your favorite knitting needles or an anecdote about your grandmother. The more in love he is, the more dull or boring stories he’ll endure. For you.

So he won’t do these things during a date or while you’re talking:

  • He doesn’t play Candy Crush on his phone.
  • He doesn’t flirt with the waitress (checking her out is another story).

All in all, he has high regard for your well-being and might get a little clumsy because he doesn’t know how to make you feel more comfortable.

Some men are better at doing this than others.

#11: He compliments you on more than just your looks

Man compliment on woman's personality

Here’s the thing.

Men are not the smartest creatures on earth. We can eat, go to the bathroom, sleep, work and chase after girls (with varying results). That’s about it.

Men, clumsy as they are, will always compliment you on your appearance.

You see, that’s what they understand.

But a man who really likes you takes an interest in your personality

And even though he doesn’t know very well how to express that he likes it, he will at least try. So pay attention to the things he says to you.

Not only his direct compliments. But also the way he responds to you when you tell him about what you do in your life. Is he impressed? Does he admire the characteristics you have? If he’s a stoic guy: does he listen to your story silently and with full attention?

Then you know that he finds what you do special, and that you’re different from other women.

#12: He’s trying to impress youCouple on a date

  • If a man is using you, he doesn’t care very much what you think of him.
  • He will do his best to impress you if he is in love with you, or if he sees a future together with you.

He wants to prove that he’s the right choice for you.

Instead of letting you figure this out, men like to make this very obvious. They feel the need to convince you where they stand in comparison to the competition.

The more competition they expect (or the more attractive they find you), the more this will play a role. So if your potential new boyfriend is beating his chest like a gorilla…

Then that’s his way of letting you know that he’s into you. And he wants to convince you of how great he is.

#13: He behaves differently when you’re around

Men saying stupid things when they are talking to an attractive woman. IQ drops multiple points according to research.

And this can go both ways.

He can turn into a clumsy schoolboy or a blunt jerk. Even blunt jerks can carry a small heart and do their utmost for that beautiful girl they secretly like.

Men who are a bit shy get confused. Beautiful women just make us shy. What you consider to be a “mixed signal” can also mean that he’s very impressed with you.

So if you’re not sure about how he feels about you and you notice that he treats you differently (and rather better) than the people around you…

Then that’s a good indication he means well.

Now you know what it means when guys send you mixed signals

Find out what his feelings are for you and don’t let him string you along without any plans for the future.

You deserve better than that.




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3 thoughts on “13 Signs To Help You Understand His Mixed Signals”

  1. My guy friend never answers his phone when we are having a conversation, he remembers everything that I say to him, he never brings up other women, he has complimented me once, he used to be my mailman but now he is on a new route which is not far from where I live. Even though we are just friends, I still have yet to meet his family and friends. We are not dating. He never asks me questions about myself or my interests. Could he be shy? He has put his hand on my upper arm and shoulder. He has hugged me but only one time. It’s so confusing, all of these mixed signals! Should I just ask him out and see how he responds to me?

  2. My ex broke up with me as he said he wasn’t attracted to my body type after 6 months. Now he’s been texting me every day and trying to be my friend as he loves my personality. And it’s just confusing as he has asked me to go oit and do things again but when we are
    Out he states we are just friends. So I am guessing he do just want to stay friends and there isn’t any interest there?

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Tim Veninga is a dating coach, relationship coach and social psychology bestseller author from the Netherlands.  He has been featured in media like Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Marie Claire & Elle.

Hi, I’m Tim Veninga. Since 2008 I’ve been coaching men and women to archieve succes and happiness in their love lives.

For years I’ve only been writing in Dutch, but in 2019 I started writing in English as well after many women asked for it.

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