7 Tips For When You're Loving Someone You Can’t Be With

7 Helpful Tips For When You’re Loving Someone You Can’t Be With

Loving Someone You Can’t Be With

In this article you will learn:

  • #1 reason why you fall in love with someone you can’t be with. 
  • How to get over him when you love a guy you can’t have.
  • The worst dating advice you can get when it comes to falling for the wrong guy (hint: love doesn’t conquer all).
  • A simple principle that stops you from thinking about him.
  • Why distracting yourself is an excellent way to deal with loving somebody you can’t be with.

What to do when you’re loving someone you can’t be with

A woman cries because she loves someone she can't be with.

Oh, girl.

I know what you’re thinking.

If you’ve arrived on this page, you feel butterflies in your stomach for a guy that is less than perfect for you.

It happens that women fall in love with a man they can’t have a relationship with.

Maybe it is downright inappropriate because:

  • He or you are both taken
  • He lives on the other side of the world
  • He is a stepbrother, cousin, or teacher
  • Or he’s a married neighbour to one of your best friends.

It’s not as bad if you have fallen in love with a player or narcissist.

That’s also not ideal, but in some cases, there is something you can do about it.

For now, however, I’m assuming you’ve made up your mind:

“No, I am not waiting around to be with this man that I can never have a real relationship with.”

It’s not happening, and it’s not going to make you happy.

” Tim, fix it.”

Consider it done.

It won’t be easy.

But if you follow my 7 tips below on how to deal with loving someone you can’t be with, I’m sure you can handle the emotions for him in a healthy way and forget about him once and for all.

So you can become available to someone else, someone better.

Here are the 7 tips for when you’re loving someone you can’t be with:

Tip #1: You cannot choose who you fall in love with

Woman accepting emotionsYep.

I wish it worked like that, but unfortunately, it doesn’t.

It’s not like you see the perfect man and can just say “abracadabra”, and you fall head over heels in love with him.

If this were the case, every woman in the world would be in love with me ;).

No, love is an emotion you can’t control.

Infatuation used to be seen as a mental disorder because it stops you from being able to think rationally.

You can fall for a man who’s terrible to have a relationship with, like what you’re experiencing right now.

It’s important to understand this so that you stop fighting your feelings.

Because if you try to suppress them, you’re only setting yourself up for failure.

If you are in love with a married man for example, (such as your best friend’s husband) – fighting that feeling will only make you want him more.

And when it’s impossible to do anything about it, it makes it even harder.

Tip #2: The more attention you give your crush, the bigger it gets

The more attention you pay to him, the worse your addiction becomesPicture falling in love like a plant.

A plant needs water and light. If it gets that, it’ll grow.

Small plants grow large, as we say.

It’s the same with love.

Love is like a plant

The more time and attention you spend thinking about him, the bigger it becomes.

The emotions grow so big to the point where you can’t think of anything else but him. And if you want to get him out of your head, then this is the worst thing that can happen to you.

But of course, it also works the other way around.

If you don’t water a plant, and store it in a dark place without daylight, then it will not be able to blossom. And if it would already have blossomed, it would die faster.

You can do the same with your feelings for him.

Make sure your feelings for him don’t get the time and attention to develop any further.

How do you do that exactly?

Tip #3: Completely remove him from your life

Woman limits the time she spends with a man

Hannah is a woman who fell in love with the wrong man, and she knew she didn’t want a relationship with him.

Her best friend had dated him before, and that relationship was far from successful, to say the least.

She told me about his behavior:

  • He cheated.
  • He lied to her.
  • And he continuously betrayed her trust.

Apart from that, Hannah wasn’t exactly excited to date a man who’s had a relationship with her best friend before.

But I don’t think I need to tell you that.

Yet she considered hitting on him, purely because of the hormones that were raging through her body.

That’s what love does to you, and Hannah wasn’t immune to that either.

Then she remembered what to do when you’re in love with someone that you can’t be with.

If you don’t give that man any more attention, he is no longer any of your concern

That meant she took the following steps:

  • She blocked him on social media. They often used to exchange flirty messages for ‘fun’, but this was over now.
  • She decided not to say hi to him when she went out. If he did come over to talk, she waved him off and pulled away from him.
  • When she started thinking about him, she distracted her mind with activities.

In the next tip, I’ll describe how you can do that.

 Tip #4: Distract yourself

Woman taking time for herselfLook.

Sooner or later, thoughts about this guy are going to pop up into your head.

There is just no way around it.

Loving a man that you can’t be with is extremely hard

Even if you remove him from social media and don’t talk to him anymore, the feelings don’t automatically go away.

Love is, after all, incredibly strong and prevents you from thinking clearly.

Fortunately, there is a simple way to handle it when thoughts about him enter your mind, and that’s by distracting yourself.

  • Go and exercise. If you’re going to the gym, a run, or doing yoga – it’s impossible to think about anything else. And by exercising, you get rid of the negative emotions in your body and you’ll feel great and much more relaxed afterward.
  • Do something fun with your friends or girlfriends. It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it focuses your attention on an activity other than him. But avoid talking to them about what you’re going through because you don’t want to give it any more attention, as I mentioned earlier.
  • Visit someone you haven’t seen in a while. Or send that person a message on social media.
  • Do something nice for someone else. Whether this is a neighbor or your grandmother, make a nice gesture that makes their day a little better. This will immediately get you out of your bad mood.
  • Set a new goal for yourself. At work, your personal life, or in your studies, and work hard to achieve them.

Tip #5: Give it time

Woman invest in herselfLove can happen instantly.

That’s why we call it, love at first sight.

Unfortunately, being in love and having strong feelings for someone doesn’t go away as quickly.

Usually, this takes quite a while after a breakup.

During that time, you’re likely dealing with heartbreak.

You can recover faster from your heartbreak and let go of him more quickly by minimizing the time and thoughts you give him.

But that doesn’t mean you’ll forget about him in a couple of days.

Because being in love is very powerful.

And right now, one part of you is probably disagreeing with my advice not to talk to that guy again.

You think of all sorts of good reasons why you should.

But it’s important to understand that your head is tricking you.

So if you find yourself in that situation, just read this article again.

Make sure you apply all the advice in the ‘distraction’ section, as it’s your most effective weapon when that happens.

Assuming that you’ve removed him from your phone as I told you.

I can prescribe you the medicine, but you’ll have to take it

And when you’re in love with someone, it’s not always easy.

But, I have faith in you.

I know you’re a strong and independent woman.

When you keep going after this guy, it’s only going to cause problems.

So take care of yourself. And don’t fall in the trap like so many other women have who didn’t read this article.

Tip #6: Date other men

Woman dating other menThere’s a delusion going on when you’re in love that I haven’t covered yet.

When you’re on cloud nine it’s easy to think he’s the only man on earth that’s ever going to make you happy.

But that’s a very problematic thought.

It will make you feel like you can never let him go because your entire love life rests on his shoulders.

Thinking that he’s ‘the one’ is nothing more than a delusion

Your emotions are confusing you, purely because you are in love.

Looks at it this way…

When you are able to let him go, a new man will come along and fall in love with you.

It might not happen right away, and it could even take a couple of years.

But during that time you will meet many great guys that you can choose from.

This will bring you a lot of new and fun experiences.

And the man you finally decide to be with is going to be a perfect match and someone who makes you very happy.

Your happiness is more important than going after a guy that you can’t ultimately have a real relationship with.

But what if you can’t stop thinking about this man you can’t be with?

Go and meet other great guys

Most women who fall in love with the wrong guy often only have few other men around in their social circle.

Perhaps you don’t see them as much, or maybe you don’t have much experience with men.

In that case, it’s essential to go out and meet as many men as possible.

By meeting a lot of guys, you’ll soon realize that there are other great guys out there who can make you happy.

My first tip about this would be to learn how to be attractive to men and that you’re open to flirting with as many men as possible – so you can better separate the good and interesting ones from the rest.

Sooner or later you’ll meet a great guy who’ll have a great positive impact on your life.

Tip #7: Work on your life as a happy single

Woman being happy singleIt might be hard to even consider the possibility to be able to have fun without him.

But the best way to get him out of your head is to start putting your focus on other things. More important things.

I did touch this briefly earlier in Tip #4. Here are some other things that will help you to forget him faster.

  • Take up a new hobby that you’ve been wanting to try
  • Message that guy you secretly had a crush on
  • Plan something you’ve been wanting to do
  • Spontaneously visit a new city with a girlfriend

You’ll soon find out that there are plenty of fun things you can do and work on as a happy single.

Falling in love with a man you can’t be with is incredibly hard

You cannot choose who you fall in love with, and falling for a man you can’t have a real relationship is very hard.

But whatever you do, don’t blame yourself. It happens to the best of us.

Next, I recommend you to read this article on how to get over an impossible love in 7 simple steps. You’ll recognize some of the tips I give you in this article, but that’s a more step-by-step guide on how to forget about him for good.

Remember. Give yourself the time to heal and you’ll get through this in no-time.


(this article was first published here on my Dutch website)


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2 thoughts on “7 Helpful Tips For When You’re Loving Someone You Can’t Be With”

  1. Nancy Hennessy

    I’m caring for this guy s mom. So I will have limited contact with him. Yes, he lives in Europe., I going to take this time to work on myself. I’m not anywhere near where I want to be in my education. I don’t understand why this is a bad thing. His sister is in charge of everything. I’m thinking it’s an employee/ employer thing. I have recently lost my mom, so I have just been through a rough several months. I have not been putting myself first. I just kinda let myself go. My mom was the focus. Now, I have an inheritance coming from another family member. I can get back to creating my life. I don’t want it to look like I’m doing because of him. I want it to be about me I think his mom understands that even with her Alzheimer’s. I think his sister think I am not good enough for him.

  2. Hey, I need a little help! So I fell in love with this guy, right? Let’s call him Dan. Well, my parents don’t like Dan very much, I’m not sure why. But Dan and I were dating or about three months before he broke up with me because he said that he didn’t want to drive a wedge between my parents and me. And I love my parents but they would get over it and I don’t think they should play a factor in our relationship at all Dan said he wants to get back together and he regrets breaking up but said he doesn’t want to ruin my relationship with my parents. What do I do?

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Tim Veninga is a dating coach, relationship coach and social psychology bestseller author from the Netherlands.  He has been featured in media like Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Marie Claire & Elle.

Hi, I’m Tim Veninga. Since 2008 I’ve been coaching men and women to archieve succes and happiness in their love lives.

For years I’ve only been writing in Dutch, but in 2019 I started writing in English as well after many women asked for it.

If you want to get started learning the best of my advice, I recommend you download the 5 texting mistakes most women make.

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