Is He Using Me? 7 Clear Signs He Is Using You

“Is He Using Me?” 7 Clear Signs He’s Taking Advantage Of You

Is he using me

In this article, you will learn:

  • 7 clear signs to see if a man is taking advantage of you.
  • The answer to your question “Is he using me or does he like me?”
  • How to know if he’s using you for sex, money, a place to stay, or other egotistical reasons.
  • The most evident sign that your partner doesn’t have your best interest at heart.
  • The best action to take if you find out that he doesn’t care about you.
  • And much more…

How to quickly find out if he is using you or if he likes you

a player doesn't always give you what you want

I quite often get one of the following questions:

  • “Is he using me for money or sex?”
  • “Does he use me for the attention I give him?”
  • “Is he using me for a place to live?”
  • “And what do I do if the guy I’m seeing is taking advantage of me?”

If you’re in one of the scenarios above, it’s a horrible situation to be in as a woman. Because you’re not sure if your partner has your best interests at heart.

This doubt of not knowing where you stand can make you miserable

Let me ask you something.

Are you unhappy in your current relationship?

Because it’s impossible to really be happy (in a relationship) if you suspect that your man has taken advantage of you, for whatever reason.

This suspicion is not entirely unjustified, because there are quite a few men on this planet that would do that kind of thing without hesitation.

Now, I know this is a tough situation for you. But you know what would be worse?

To find out a few years down the line that he was using you the whole time.

And to prevent this from happening…

In this article, I’ll give you 7 signs you can use to check if your partner is exploiting your goodwill for his own selfish benefits.

Here are the 7 signs he is using you:

1. He’s always making comments on you

he's always making remarks

A normal man appreciates it when a woman does something nice for him. Most men find it very important to express gratitude to their women.

But a guy who only sees you like an “object to exploit“?

Pff, he always has some negative remarks.

Whatever you do, it’s NEVER good enough for him:

  • If you’re intimate in bed together, he’ll say that you’re not doing it right.
  • Or if you cook food for him after a long day of work, and you are exhausted, then he’ll still say that the food isn’t tasting good.

And so on…

When a guy always makes comments on you, and you’re never good enough for him, then it’s a clear sign that he doesn’t want the best for you.

2. You only see him when he needs you

he only sees her when he needs comfort

It’s anything but nice, but some men will only use you for attention.

For example, every time things are not going well for him. Such as:

  • A hard day at work
  • He’s feeling down
  • Or other problems in his personal life

When that occurs, he suddenly wants to see you.

Fortunately, these guys are quite easy to recognize because he ONLY contacts you when he is looking for comfort, or needs to talk with someone.

Then it’s very obvious he’s just seeing you for the attention you give him.

3. He never pays anything for you

He never pays for you

However anti-feministic it may be, when a man is really fond of you, he wants to take care of you.

So if you’ve been eating at a restaurant together, he’ll pay the bill for you.

This is his way of saying:

I like you and I want to take care of you.

But if a guy never picks up the bill, or may even be financially dependent on you, then there’s a chance that he is taking advantage of the situation and is using you for your money.

But before you jump to any conclusions, please check to see if you recognize any other signs from this article. Just to be on the safe side.

4. He regularly threatens to leave you

He regularly threatens to leave you

A guy who regularly threatens to leave you, is a guy who’s not afraid to lose you.

This is a bad sign. Because a man like that will take advantage of the fact that you like him.

That’s when he’ll for example say things like:

If you don’t like it, then you can just leave?


If I’m not good enough for you, then why don’t you leave?

He does this to get his way. And apparently it doesn’t bother him very much that it comes at your expense.

So be very careful when a guy does this to you. Because the chances are extremely high that he is using you.

5. You’re his secret

He doesn't introduce you to the rest of the world

Yeah, it’s really weird… it’s like he’s trying to keep our relationship a secret.

This what I heard when I went out to dinner with a friend the other week.

She told me she had been going out with this guy for a few months. In all that time, they’d never met anywhere other than at his house.

My “he-uses-you-radar” turned to Code Red.

So I asked her:

“Why do you think he’s not meeting you anywhere else?”

She looked at me, and just by the look on my face, she knew exactly what I was referring to.

She said:

I feel so stupid. I haven’t thought about that before…

And she isn’t the only one. Every week I get e-mails from women who are in a similar situation.

Somehow they know something’s wrong, but because they like him so much they decide to give him the benefit of the doubt.

And that’s such a shame because…

If a man hides you from the rest of the world, it’s one of the clearest signs he is using you and does not like you that much

Yep, it’s that simple.

A man who likes you will be proud to show you to his family and friends.

He would want to walk hand-in-hand with you down the street, so that the whole world sees that you belong to him.

But a guy who keeps your relationship a secret?

A guy like that can’t be trusted and does NOT have your best interests at heart.

6. It’s all about sex


All he thinks about is sex

My inbox is full of questions like these:

  • “Is he only seeing me for sex?”
  • “Did he use me just to hook up?”
  • “Is the guy I’m seeing only taking advantage of my body?”

(…So if you thought you were the only one wondering this: no, you’re not 😉 )

The unpleasant thing about this is that a guy sometimes pretends to be madly in love with you. Even though he only wants to have sex with you.

In other words…

Sometimes it’s hard to spot a guy like that…

But don’t worry, here are some obvious signs you can use to test if a man only wants to sleep with you.

  • He only wants to meet late at night.
  • The conversations are almost always about sex.
  • He only wants to meet at home.
  • You always have sex when you meet up.
  • You can’t stay over after sex (he always has to get up early the next morning.)

If you recognize more than one of these signs, there is a big chance he’s taking advantage of you.

7. You’re wondering if you’re being used by your partner

Woman doubtingThis is the clearest and the last sign that he is not having your best interest at heart.

When you ask yourself if he is using you for his own benefits, it’s a terrible sign. Because apparently, there’s already an imbalance in the relationship somewhere.

You give a lot, and he doesn’t really give anything in return.

Although you know instinctively that something isn’t right, it’s very difficult to admit it.

But the fact that you’re already asking yourself this, usually says enough.

What you can do next

Now you know better if he is using you, or if he likes you.

If you suspect that he doesn’t have your best interest at heart, and you recognize several of the other signs, then it’s better to let him go, get over him and move on…

However, if you only recognize one or two of the signs, or you think that he’s worth fighting for, then I recommend that you read these two articles:

Whichever road you decide to go, I strongly advise you to pick the one that will bring you the most happiness.

And don’t forget to leave a comment and tell me what you decided to do.

I’m looking forward to hearing how it went.



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15 thoughts on ““Is He Using Me?” 7 Clear Signs He’s Taking Advantage Of You”

  1. Christine D Meyer

    But what if he won’t leave. I know he is using me and he moved in with me. He is the not the man I thought he was. He knows I want him to leave…but he won’t go.

    1. I hope you’ve resolved this situation already. But if you haven’t I recommend getting a trusted male or 2 involved. Getting him (or them) to be with you whilst you tell this guy he needs to leave NOW, and stay with you whilst he packs and goes. When my sister’s ex wouldn’t leave we got our father involved. He’s not a ‘tough’ guy and he didn’t need to say anything. Just his presence was enough.

      1. I’m so unsure. We’ve talked for hours upon hours about everything. We’ve go on dates. We’ve been out in public. He’s shared our activities on social media. I met him online at first, but reverse image searches went fine. The things he said matched his profile. His social media goes back years with lots of connections including family. Everything seems great….except one thing. He asked me for money. Quite a bit of money. Then he quit his second job to focus on the first (second one was only once or twice a month but a difficult job). Now he’s talking about building a life together, but taking a few months to make sure it’s right. He needs to pay his car off too (didn’t ask for help there), but wants to start looking at furniture for when we do get there months from now. I was careful, he checked out, but then asks for money. Then he got a little pushy when I had trouble getting it to work. Everything SEEMS OK now, but it is eating at me. I’ve never been asked for money before. Am I overturning? I’m I being used for money?

        1. let him know that although you can help with something, money is something that makes . you feel uncomftrouble giving him at this point in the relationship.

    2. He always wants me to buy him lot’s stuff but he doesn’t buy me anything . He never spent time with me on the weekends he said that he be home laying down. He wants shoe s and Sweatsuits . I never see him sometimes for a week at a time and then when he do comes over we have sex but before we have sex he always and his phone. And after sex he is really to go home

  2. This guy showed all the clear signs that he loved me. He even said it once. His friends and sister knew about me. One day after an argument, he says it’s over and I must leave him alone. I don’t know if it was the anger talking or what. Plus he didn’t even tell me what the problem was. Why do guys switch up on you like that?

  3. He ask for money, claims he gonna pay it back. Then he has an excuse every time he does get paid. He’ll give half or nothing. He lived with me for a while. Claimed right person, wrong time. Found out he had a secret woman later on ( she gave him an std.) So he had to let me know claimed it was a mistake and it was because he was scared to commit to me because he not ready but I’m a good woman. He rarely comes around unless he needs something but when he is around we have a good time. Sometimes.

    1. he asked to borrow 1250 towards his car and promises to pay back. i hang out with him and his family, he use to see other females on the side but claims not to be anymore. how do i know if im makin the right decision or not or if hes using me

  4. I’m dealing with a man who claims he loves me and says he wants to marry me. He contradicts himself and it’s confusing. Then he says that we live together. Then he’ll say come here and visit and I’ll sit with you. When I chat with him it’s about him and his wants – money. I’ve never sent him any and when I mentioned to him he exploded. He breaks up with me and says don’t contact me. Then he contacts me again and asks when I’m coming ? I told him I was confused and he again breaks up with me. He’s been rude and disrespectful. Then he tells me I don’t know what I want.

  5. Sure yesterday I went to visit my friend to his house when I entered his house he put for me water but when I drunk it I started like feeling dizzy he took me to his bedroom and forced me to sex he win to do so but after there he left me helplessly on his bed he just sit by and having chatting texting messages with other people then he got out after few hrs he came back with and tell me to get out

  6. I feel like, I am that guy in the article… The full story… I was waiting for the last 10 years to get the attention, financial contribution, sex, and partnership. All my suggestions work on other people but not on her. My friends tell me I’ve spoiled her. I feel like I was used. Kids are out and I want her to leave. She does not. We share a house and 20 years of marriage. I have no capacity to rebuild our relationship. I still want love, sex, and partnership and to give back to someone who appreciates it.

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Tim Veninga is a dating coach, relationship coach and social psychology bestseller author from the Netherlands.  He has been featured in media like Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Marie Claire & Elle.

Hi, I’m Tim Veninga. Since 2008 I’ve been coaching men and women to archieve succes and happiness in their love lives.

For years I’ve only been writing in Dutch, but in 2019 I started writing in English as well after many women asked for it.

If you want to get started learning the best of my advice, I recommend you download the 5 texting mistakes most women make.

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