Is He Using Me? 7 Clear Signs He Is Using You

“Is He Using Me?” 7 Clear Signs He’s Taking Advantage Of You

Is he using me

In this article, you will learn:

  • 7 clear signs to see if a man is taking advantage of you.
  • How to know if he’s using you for sex, money, a place to stay, or other egotistical reasons.
  • The most evident sign that your partner doesn’t have your best interest at heart.
  • The best action to take if you find out that he doesn’t care about you.
  • And much more…

How to quickly find out if he is using you

a player doesn't always give you what you want

I quite often get one of the following questions:

  • “Is he using me for money or sex?”
  • “Does he use me for the attention I give him?”
  • “Is he using me for a place to live?”
  • “And what do I do if the guy I’m seeing is taking advantage of me?”

If you’re in one of the scenarios above, it’s a horrible situation to be in as a woman. Because you’re not sure if your partner has your best interests at heart.

This doubt of not knowing where you stand can make you miserable

Let me ask you something.

Are you unhappy in your current relationship?

Because it’s impossible to really be happy (in a relationship) if you suspect that your man has taken advantage of you, for whatever reason.

This suspicion is not entirely unjustified, because there are quite a few men on this planet that would do that kind of thing without hesitation.

Now, I know this is a tough situation for you. But you know what would be worse?

To find out a few years down the line that he was using you the whole time.

And to prevent this from happening…

In this article, I’ll give you 7 signs you can use to check if your partner is exploiting your goodwill for his own selfish benefits.

Here are the 7 signs he is using you:

1. He’s always making comments on you

he's always making remarks

A normal man appreciates it when a woman does something nice for him. Most men find it very important to express gratitude to their women.

But a guy who only sees you like an “object to exploit“?

Pff, he always has some negative remarks.

Whatever you do, it’s NEVER good enough for him:

  • If you’re intimate in bed together, he’ll say that you’re not doing it right.
  • Or if you cook food for him after a long day of work, and you are exhausted, then he’ll still say that the food isn’t tasting good.

And so on…

When a guy always makes comments on you, and you’re never good enough for him, then it’s a clear sign that he doesn’t want the best for you.

2. You only see him when he needs you

he only sees her when he needs comfort

It’s anything but nice, but some men will only use you for attention.

For example, every time things are not going well for him. Such as:

  • A hard day at work
  • He’s feeling down
  • Or other problems in his personal life

When that occurs, he suddenly wants to see you.

Fortunately, these guys are quite easy to recognize because he ONLY contacts you when he is looking for comfort, or needs to talk with someone.

Then it’s very obvious he’s just seeing you for the attention you give him.

3. He never pays anything for you

He never pays for you

However anti-feministic it may be, when a man is really fond of you, he wants to take care of you.

So if you’ve been eating at a restaurant together, he’ll pay the bill for you.

This is his way of saying:

I like you and I want to take care of you.

But if a guy never picks up the bill, or may even be financially dependent on you, then there’s a chance that he is taking advantage of the situation and is using you for your money.

But before you jump to any conclusions, please check to see if you recognize any other signs from this article. Just to be on the safe side.

4. He regularly threatens to leave you

He regularly threatens to leave you

A guy who regularly threatens to leave you, is a guy who’s not afraid to lose you.

This is a bad sign. Because a man like that will take advantage of the fact that you like him.

That’s when he’ll for example say things like:

If you don’t like it, then you can just leave?


If I’m not good enough for you, then why don’t you leave?

He does this to get his way. And apparently it doesn’t bother him very much that it comes at your expense.

So be very careful when a guy does this to you. Because the chances are extremely high that he is using you.

5. You’re his secret

He doesn't introduce you to the rest of the world

Yeah, it’s really weird… it’s like he’s trying to keep our relationship a secret.

This what I heard when I went out to dinner with a friend the other week.

She told me she had been going out with this guy for a few months. In all that time, they’d never met anywhere other than at his house.

My “he-uses-you-radar” turned to Code Red.

So I asked her:

“Why do you think he’s not meeting you anywhere else?”

She looked at me, and just by the look on my face, she knew exactly what I was referring to.

She said:

I feel so stupid. I haven’t thought about that before…

And she isn’t the only one. Every week I get e-mails from women who are in a similar situation.

Somehow they know something’s wrong, but because they like him so much they decide to give him the benefit of the doubt.

And that’s such a shame because…

If a man hides you from the rest of the world, it’s one of the clearest signs he is using you

Yep, it’s that simple.

A man who likes you will be proud to show you to his family and friends.

He would want to walk hand-in-hand with you down the street, so that the whole world sees that you belong to him.

But a guy who keeps your relationship a secret?

A guy like that can’t be trusted and does NOT have your best interests at heart.

6. It’s all about sex


All he thinks about is sex

My inbox is full of questions like these:

  • “Is he only seeing me for sex?”
  • “Did he use me just to hook up?”
  • “Is the guy I’m seeing only taking advantage of my body?”

(…So if you thought you were the only one wondering this: no, you’re not 😉 )

The unpleasant thing about this is that a guy sometimes pretends to be madly in love with you. Even though he only wants to have sex with you.

In other words…

Sometimes it’s hard to spot a guy like that…

But don’t worry, here are some obvious signs you can use to test if a man only wants to sleep with you.

  • He only wants to meet late at night.
  • The conversations are almost always about sex.
  • He only wants to meet at home.
  • You always have sex when you meet up.
  • You can’t stay over after sex (he always has to get up early the next morning.)

If you recognize more than one of these signs, there is a big chance he’s taking advantage of you.

7. You’re wondering if you’re being used by your partner

Woman doubtingThis is the clearest and the last sign that he is not having your best interest at heart.

When you ask yourself if he is using you for his own benefits, it’s a terrible sign. Because apparently, there’s already an imbalance in the relationship somewhere.

You give a lot, and he doesn’t really give anything in return.

Although you know instinctively that something isn’t right, it’s very difficult to admit it.

But the fact that you’re already asking yourself this, usually says enough.

What you can do next

If you suspect that he doesn’t have your best interest at heart, and you recognize several of the other signs, then it’s better to let him go, get over him and move on…

However, if you only recognize one or two of the signs, or you think that he’s worth fighting for, then I recommend that you read these two articles:

Whichever road you decide to go, I strongly advise you to pick the one that will bring you the most happiness.

And don’t forget to leave a comment and tell me what you decided to do.

I’m looking forward to hearing how it went.



Tim Veninga

Tim Veninga

Tim Veninga is the head coach of Change Him. In The Netherlands more than 155.000 women follow his advice. He has been featured in numerous Dutch media and magazines like Cosmopolitan and Glamour.
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